


If I Leave...

by ShineYunhyeong21



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: A lot of kissing, Alternate Universe - Royalty, Betrayal, Falling In Love, First Love, Forbidden Love, Guard Bobby, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, I thought but nah, Impersonation, Joseon Dynasty, Longing, Love Confessions, M/M, No Beta, Non-Sexual Crossdressing, One Chapter of smut, Period Typical Attitudes, Period-Typical Homophobia, Pining, Poetry, Prince Yunhyeong, Romantic Fluff, Secret Relationship, Secrets, Somewhat Historically Accurate, Song inspired title, Swords, Violence, Which isn't much, all grammar errors are mine sadly, for good reasoning though, i always have to change things up to fit the storyline, i did a shit ton of research, korean terms, never had one and probably will never get one, no other iKON members, other iKON members?, slight age gap, ton of crying, ton of foreshadowing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-05
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2020-10-05 06:57:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 21
Words: 63,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20484743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShineYunhyeong21/pseuds/ShineYunhyeong21
Summary: If I Leave this earth in sadness, will you follow the same?Will your kisses of death still taste as sweet as they once did?Will your arms hold me as I close my eyes for the last time?If I Leave this earth in happiness, will you take credit for this smile?Will you wear your tears as a badge of honor?Will you whisper words of love into the sky that I reside in?If I Leave...will you still love me?





	1. Purple Iris

**Author's Note:**

> So, hello, welcome, come take your seats, I'll first start of by saying...WHAT THE FUCK IS UP?! *clears throat* 
> 
> I've been gone for a while, but no worries, I am back and I am more than ready to lay on you what I've been working on during my absent period. Now, first and foremost, how could you guys allow Yunbob to die like this?! Huh? Are we really this weak when the material is right in front of us? I mean, look at it *spins in a circle with arms raised*. Well, no worries for I am back to continue giving my children the love they deserve. 
> 
> Now, that that is out of the way, let's dive into the story. I'll start off by saying that this is some of the softest shit I wrote since I started writing, although this is heavy angst I'm not just going to slam it on you like that...or am I? *rubs hands together evilly* But, no, I'm not. I'll give you guys all the grossness that you like before I get deep into my bag with no way out. This story is supposed to be updated on Thursdays, and since I should have nothing to really distract me - well, besides my classes - it should be updated on time unless I say otherwise. 
> 
> As always, I'm bending history to fit my story line, which means that you should read the notes for explanations before you dive in and become confused. I'll also be explaining the Korean terms in the beginning as well. So, the beginning notes will more than likely be almost as long as this one. 
> 
> Korean Term(s) used in this chapter:  
Gun - Is the term meaning prince that is born between the King and his concubine(s); it can also be used to address the Crown Prince's children and grandchildren. In this case it is the first meaning.

Sunlight upon the mountain tops greeted the morning, accompanying a small gush of wind that rustled the trees as a wake-up call. The sound of metal against metal filled the distance along with grunts and yelps of pain. Footsteps rushing down the halls and the sounds of doors opening had me sitting up, arms already outstretched for my night wear to be taken off of me. I stood with help; my eyes still closed as hands pulled off my pants before guiding me towards the bath that awaited me.

Dipping my toes in, the water was rather warm telling me that the servants were up early preparing the water. Submerging myself, I thanked them for the early morning warmth that they provided my chilled body. Winter had just past, but the early spring was rather cold still, making the once heavy clothing slightly lighter. I can’t wait until the snow finishes melting, so I can welcome in the flowers with open arms and a warm smile.

“Prince Yunhyeong, awake already?” Nodding, I cracked my eyes open taking in the face of the Head Advisor to my Hyung, the King. “We’ll need to speak in your quarters once your dressed, Yunhyeong-_gun_.”

He left me alone to finish bathing, the servants hands scrubbing faster than they had been a moment earlier. Once finished, I allowed them to dry me off, my clothing being slipped onto me with fluid ease. The moment my outer robe was wrapped tightly I was sent back into my room that had been cleaned up upon notice of this informal meeting. As I took my seat across from the other, tea had been sat on the small table that separated the two of us. A servant filled the first cups for us before bowing her way out of the room, the door closing softly behind her.

“It is novel for you to visit me, especially at daybreak.” Taking a small sip of my cup, the tea rolled around on my tongue awakening me even further. “Did his highness send for me? Or is it of matters that I can attend to?”

“The matters I have to discuss with you pertain to both of those instances, Yunhyeong-_gun_, but no worries they won’t be taxing enough to interrupt your current state of being.” All I could do is hum; my attention is taken as it should be.

“Then, please, enlighten me.” I waited for him to finish off his cup, his lips smacking in appreciation at its taste.

“Our highness has found a solution to the problems we’re dealing with for the region southern to the kingdom. He plans to halt any feelings, or plans, for an impending war and he wants you to help him.”

“What exactly does our highness need my help with?” A subtle tight feeling had entered my stomach at the many implications that his posing holds. “If you can elaborate that is.”

“He wants you to help in the welcoming of our new Queen.” A small gasp was all I could manage at the news of the sudden marriage. “She comes from the southern region as part of a treaty to not inflict war with one another. As you’ve studied there for a fortnight, and understand the customs decently, he wants you by his side when it comes time to welcome her. It’ll only take a moment of your time, Prince.”

“Please tell our highness that I’ll be honored to welcome our Queen upon her arrival.” A thankful looking smile spread minutely across his features before it had disappeared. “You’re dismissed to return to your duties.”

With that he stood, bowing deeply before he took his leave in the same way that the servant had previously.

‘A Queen? So soon? He’s just ascended the throne only two full moons ago, but to dissipate any further problems, then it’s a good path that he has chosen.’ My thoughts wrapped themselves around the situation without much hassle as it’s clear that this is the right thing to do. ‘His first active step as ruler is a good one.’

Gathering myself, I headed out of my quarters and down the halls until I came upon the vast expansion of fields that are still wet with winter. The voices that were once in a greater distance had filled my ears clearly as the image of the Royal Guards practicing had accompanied it. Swords flew around with the bodies that danced with them, steps precise and never out of place. It’s as if all they are missing is music – something smooth and slow to contrast the roughness of their hands and breath.

As I continued onward, my eyes continued to watch with mild fascination. Those who once danced with swords dropped them in favor of their fist, the impact thrumming loudly within the earth. Smiles adorning their faces with light laughter woven between their jesting. It warmed my heart to see that they could find the good in their occupation, especially now since the implement of war is on hold. They’ll be able to sleep somewhat peacefully as the thought of deathly combat won’t be lingering over their heads for a while. Then, again, who knows who’ll wage war next?

“Hyung!” A bright voice had taken my attention away from the clashes of men, only for me to meet the form of innocence itself. “What’s taking you so long? We have to study!”

Holding back my laughter, I bent down scooping the younger prince into my arms causing his smaller ones to wrap around my neck for stability. Adorning a smile, I agreed with him as we indeed do have to study. The younger has schoolwork he needs to do while I’ll continue reading the book of poetry that had been given to me at the celebration of my coming of age. The celebration didn’t mean much as I’m the sixth of seven children – the one in my arms being the youngest – and with the eldest already on the throne, it left me to either choose schooling or military. And with more knowledge of the state and its matters, it’s only right for me to continue on the path of a scholar. 

“I want to do that, Hyung.” Pausing in my steps, my eyes followed the line of his arm until they had fallen off the tip of his finger and towards what he was pointing at.

A lone figure with a sword clutched tightly in its grip, stood in the only empty portion of the training grounds. Strands of hair flew around his face, blocking out most of it from where we stood. His clothing moved slightly with the wind as he moved with it instead of through it, or around it. It’s clear that he has a better understanding of himself than most of the other soldiers do, but what had really caught my attention were the steel set of eyes he wore. Nothing else besides his imaginary target seemed to matter to him – their death of upmost importance.

“One day, you’ll be able to be as strong as that man, although for now, you need to strengthen your brain, Prince Hyun.” He agreed as quickly as I knew he would, a determined look conveying his want. “Now, into the study with you. We don’t want to keep your tutor waiting, do we?”

“No, we don’t!” Letting him down to stand on his own, he looked at the room on the corner that held the study. “I’ll go ahead, okay?” Pushing him forward, he took off tripping slightly on the clothing he’ll grow into soon.

I watched until he had entered the room, the sound of an elder’s voice coming out before the door had slid closed. The feeling of eyes watching me had my head turning to meet those steel eyes that looked upon me with indifference. He had given me a slight bow which I had returned for no reason other than to do it. My feet carrying me on my way as if our short interaction had never happened.

Entering the study, I greeted the elder with a bow and a warm smile which he only return one of - his bones aren’t as strong as they once were. And the only one at fault is time. It had stolen his youth in the same way that it had for those his age and older. One day, time will lead him straight into his grave before moving onto the next person in line with hesitation, and all we’ll be able to do is mourn the memories of a person once breathing. Going into my own little corner, the box of poetry was already sat atop of it waiting on my arrival. I flipped it open to the last piece I had left off on, the words speaking of things previously thought.

_The spring breeze melted snow on the hills then quickly disappeared._

_ I wish I could borrow it briefly to blow over my hair_

_ And melt away the aging frost forming now about my ears. _

_\- U T’ak_

A day will come when my, now, black hair will become to resemble fresh snow and at that time I’ll talk about how time robbed me of my youth. About how I came to be someone that’ll never look back, someone that doesn’t dwell, even though I’ll jest of old memories.

The rest of the day passed by without interruption. My stomach filling and emptying itself on meals that I’ve tasted for as long as I could remember. With dinner having passed, I took to sitting upon the sill of my window staring across the vastness that I once took in earlier in the day. The only difference this time is the lone figure that stood as it did earlier only this time without his sword, body still moving like water. I watched as he swung out with a precision that had me feeling apologetic for the air around him. He didn’t make noise like those once around him, instead he stayed very quiet as if the strains of his limbs didn’t bother him in the slightest.

An interesting fellow is what this man is.

Steel eyes met my own once more, the body stopping its ministrations to turn with the head attached to it. The other, now, facing me gave me a view of his face. The illumination of the oil lamps didn’t do it proper justice for the other was too far away for it to do its job properly. But what I saw matched the hardness of the eyes the visage held. The headband, he’s recently adorned, covering his eyebrows and forehead, but it did nothing to take away from the look on his face. It wasn’t a pleasant look, but it wasn’t an unpleasant look.

He soon turned away as if my presence meant nothing to him anymore. Arms flying out with more power than what they already gave out – his legs following. I watched for only a moment more before I retreated into my quarters to prepare for slumber. My fingers softly locking the windows once I was safely back inside.

I don’t quite remember much about the guards, or more so I don’t remember much about those who haven’t guarded me before, so I can’t quite make out his purpose. It could be that he’s preparing in case of unforeseen circumstances, but even then, who knows when those’ll come about. Oh, maybe, he’s fighting for the spot to guard the Queen after her arrival in the home. Whatever his position will become, it’s nice to know that we have those immensely dedicated to the crown.

Slipping into my bedding, I blew out my lamp, pulling the blanket up high as I fell into its warmth. My eyes closed a few seconds after, those eyes of steel invading my dreams as if waging a war with me. They were everywhere and nowhere at the same time. They held me in place until I gave up running away from them. They showed me an end that I’m not prepared to take.


	2. Pink Peonies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A wedding and light footsteps...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, it is Thursday which means an update! I've been wanting to post this chapter so that we can continue onto the good stuff as I recently just finished writing the chapter that will catapult us into gooey-lovey-dovey stuff. I just can't wait to get deeper into this story *a chef's kiss*.
> 
> Well, let's get onto the history lesson and terms...
> 
> Number Uno, Joseon weddings typically lasted a few days, and since the married couple isn't the main focus of the story, I skipped straight to the last-ish day and mashed a bunch of stuff together. Nobody has time for the background/side-characters to be overshadowing the main couple. Although, if you'd like to read more on the proceedings then here's a link: http://www.jejuweekly.com/news/articleView.html?idxno=2389 
> 
> Number Two, since the Queen is from a different kingdom, she doesn't follow the typical marriage rights, so that's why her face is covered with a sheet and she bows to her husband. Any more questions? Feel free to ask in the comments. 
> 
> Korean Terms used in this chapter:  
Gun - Is the term meaning prince that is born between the King and his concubine(s).  
Chima - A type of skirt worn together with jeogori, short jacket.  
Hogeon - A type of Korean traditional headgear for young boys aged one year to five years old. (Hyun is five, almost six, years old)

My days had soon busied themselves with the preparation for the arrival of our expected guest. Those steel eyes being long forgotten in the blur of an approaching wedding that I had to make work for both customs of each region. Although my studies were halted with the sudden change in events, unlike what was told of me, I worked hard for the fruitful spring that was upon our people. The first calm spring for the first time in many of moons.

With the sun risen to its highest point, the front yard of the palace was filled with awaiting bodies dressed in their official robes and hanbok. Flags, and hand-woven banners of dried flowers from the spring a year prior, swayed in the breeze. Outside the palace gates, crowds of people lined the streets in wait for the woman who would be their comfort in times when the King could only do so much. They waited to find out if her beauty exceeded their expectations.

“They’ve arrived!” The sound of horses and the rattle of a carriage in the distance had everyone standing even straighter.

Whispers of excitement from within, and outside, of the palace filling the air in a welcoming manner.

The carriage pulled to a stop in front of the open gate, two servants rushing out of said gate ready to help with the luggage the other had brought along with them. Behind it, a man dismounted his horse, jumping down without the horse fully stopping. He came around the carriage, hand outreached to pull back the wooden flaps that acted as doors; once opened, a figure dressed in all white had stepped out, face hidden behind an opaque white cloth.

Her _chima_ held a small puff to it causing it take up enough space for others not to get close to her. Even with her face covered she was the epitome of beauty. 

The King made his way calmly towards her, his hands clasped in front of him as if he had all the time in the world. I took the spot of his Advisor, trailing behind him until they had met in the middle. A gush of wind had her cloth slightly moving revealing pink lips stretched in a smile that surely reached her eyes. She’s certainly pleased with the appearance of her spouse and future ruler. In an act custom to the ways of her own Kingdom, she kneeled in front of her spouse and the rest of the courts showing her absolute submission to the crown and what it entitled. She stood with fluid ease afterwards, and the King did the only thing left to do in this moment, he removed her cloth.

A pregnant pause had covered those facing her while the rest where rather curious at the widen eyes we had all given. I took a shaky step forward taking in a face that resembled my own in more ways than one. It wasn’t a spot-on resemblance, but it was an uncanny one in the least.

We couldn’t dwell on it for long as their last ceremony would be starting soon, so ushering them inside to the elder’s. I followed a short distance behind motioning for the guards to open the doors before they reached to pass through them. Once in front of the old King and Queen, she did four deep bows before resting her forehead upon her hands for a moment longer, then she stood in silence. Not being able to speak was now her role as a wife and as a ruler. Her speech is now regulated to only that of which is necessary – otherwise, she has no reason to speak, particularly when it comes to matters concerning the state and its people.

Once done with greeting the elders, they found their way back outside, this time with the Queen’s hand being delicately wrapped around the elbow of the King. The carriage from earlier had been replaced with a royal palanquin in its stead. I watched with cautious eyes as the Queen was helped inside before being followed by the King shortly afterwards. They’re on their way to be paraded through the town so that everyone could get a look at their faces before they disappeared back into the seclusion of the palace. The King’s appearances are rare, and the Queen’s will be even rarer.

Waiting until they were hoisted in the air and carried off, followed by an abundance of guards and officiants, I turned around only to come face-to-face with those steels eyes I haven’t seen in a moments time. He stood with his shoulder’s squared causing me to take a step back not knowing of what his intentions entailed. I’m not a fighter, or much of a good one for lack of better wording, so I won’t be able to defend myself no matter the situation. Those eyes of his followed my motion which had him bowing deeply to me in a manner that seem unbecoming of his astute nature.

“May I help you, guard?” Straightening himself out, he kept his eyes lowered in the manner that all those of a lower status are taught.

“I was told to report to you for my duties as the Queen’s guard for the evening.” So, my previous assumptions were somewhat correct.

“Ah, one moment,” I had a long list of appointed positions marked readily for the evening in case others forgot what they needed to do, “you will take your position behind the newly married couple once they’ve finished their business in town. You’ll just stand at a distance and keep a watchful eye as the evening turns into night, and once night falls, you’ll be resigned of your duties so that the couple may consummate their marriage.”

“Understood, Prince Yunhyeong.” The way my named rolled off his tongue sounded anything but thankful.

“You can wait here for their arrival and introduce yourself to them in the most dutiful manner.” Clearing my throat, I couldn’t help feeling as if his eyes were doing weird things to me. “Now, if I may, I have matters to attend to.”

Not waiting for his actual care to my urgent dismissal, I hurried inside and straight into the dining area to see that the table was in the process of being set for after their arrival. Looking out of the opened window, the meals for the servants and guards were being set up as well. Everything seems to be processing smoothly.

“Yunhyeong-_gun_?” Glancing over, the Head Advisor was making his way towards me looking more than thankful. “The King wanted me to let you know that he appreciates you ditching your duties to help him with everything.” I couldn’t stop the small smile that had come onto my face at the words. “He says you may enjoy the rest of the evening; resting your duties upon my shoulders once more.”

“If that is his wish, then I must.” Producing the things, I had proceeding the rest of the evening, I handed them over without hesitation. “Their guard has already been stationed out front for their arrival and he knows when his duties will be relieved of.”

“My Prince, thank you.” My small smile stretched wider before I left him to continue watch over the feast while I went to go change out of this stuffy clothing and back into my own.

The walk to my quarters wasn’t long, nonetheless it was filled with accepting many greetings from those that’ll be joining the home along with the Queen as per a special request. None of us cared to mind it much knowing that this has been a far trip for the other and its best to keep one’s guest as comfortable as possible. Even if they weren’t exactly a guest for longer than a few minutes.

Once inside the familiarity of my own space, I was quick to strip and redress not wanting to take up too much time. I shouldered my outer robe without a second to waste, and after fixing my topknot and the ceremonial band that rested snuggly against my hairline, I stepped back out into the eyes of others. With the change of clothing, it didn’t take long before a little body was running towards me at full speed with his arms opened wide. Scooping him in my embrace, I took in his advisor with a warm smile as he gave me the same one back. He’s always been one for seeing the bond between siblings being upheld to a high standard.

“How are you fairing, Prince Hyun?” A giggle as impactful as our sun had left him as he leaned closer towards me.

“I’m hungry, Hyung, but I have to wait to eat.” He continued to whine on our walk towards the dining hall, speaking on the morning that he spent off to the side. “Hyung seemed really happy this morning. It’s the happiest I’ve seen him since I was this big!”

Watching him motion to a size that he more than likely barely remembered anything at, I laughed in amusement at his innocent ways. Allowing him down, we took on another’s hands before entering the dining hall to see that people were starting to take their places as the trip around the town’s capital wasn’t a long one. I took my seat with the younger next to me, fanning out his robes in a way that mostly covered his lower half. The last thing I could do for him was straighten his _hogeon_, the newly formed union soon entering with well-placed smiles upon their faces to start the dinning portion of the festivities. Behind them, the guard bowed out before heading outside to eat with those of his status.

Dinner moved in rapid succession as how the early afternoon had gone, and once it was over, our bellies full off of the good food and atmosphere, those who wanted to drink went ahead to do so. Others went back to their quarters to entertain guest and their proposals, while I took myself into the study wanting nothing more than to be alone. My space had been taken over by these events, and I couldn’t be gladder that they are over with.

Lighting an oil lamp, I carried it into the dark space with me causing the room to illuminate with the picture of a hectic mess from the last time I’d been inside. Hooking it to a stable pole, my hands moved around picking up books and discarded ink brushed papers. As I continued to tidy up, the sun took to setting leaving the yard to be only lit by sporadically scattered oil lamps of its own. The moon hiding behind a blanket of darkness that the stars have etched themselves into. I couldn’t stop my sigh of contentment at the view which had me settling by the window instead of in my normal corner. One of many books, rested heavily in my palm, my fingers lightly flipping the pages that my eyes weren’t even focused on, only stopping once on the last page I left off on.

Too engrossed in the sky, I didn’t notice that another being had entered the room until they had spoken, “Prince Yunhyeong?” I couldn’t stop the violent flinch of my body, the book in my hands becoming clutched tightly to my chest as my head whipped around to see the intruder.

It’s only that guard – thank the heavens because I wouldn’t know what to do if it was anyone from outside the palace grounds.

“Aren’t you supposed to be with the King and Queen?” My voice was barely above a whisper, but it held the sharpness it needed at the fact of him abandoning his post.

“They headed to bed early, relieving me of my duties earlier than expected.” He moved down onto his knees, kneeling in front of the door.

“Okay, so why are you in my presence instead of back in your shared quarters?”

I relaxed my grip on my book in wait for his response. What I got instead where those cold eyes staring into my own, grounding me to the sill of the window as if that was my place in this world. It was as if I belonged under him, my words of explanation stuck deep within my throat as those eyes dared me to say another word. As they took over my who being without meaning to.

“The King sent me to guard you for the rest of the evening as appreciation for your hard work this day.” His voice was also something that I couldn’t quite figure out as his dialect seemed to be from here while at the same time as if it’s not from here.

“Ah, okay, well, I’m going to read for a while then head off to bed. You can take a look around if that pleases you.” Turning away from him, I took in the open book that rested in wait to be read.

“Thank you, your highness, but I’ll sit and wait.” Nodding, I agreed to his sentiments already focusing my eyes on the pages that desperately wanted to be taken in and stored as knowledge.

He was as quiet as a gentle breeze and forever unmoving like a mountain. The only way my body knew he was still with me was because of his eyes that never left me. The stare wasn’t heavy, although it rested on me in a way I couldn’t make out. It made me feel comfortable and at the same time slightly restless. I don’t know who this man is, but I do know that he is dangerous.

Shifting slightly on my knees, I untucked them instead crossing them in front of me as I leaned more onto the window. My eyes danced over the pages in amusement at what was being written about, another small smile stretching my face almost consistently. Time seemed to drag on that way until I had come upon the last page, my hands reluctantly flipping the book closed with a deep breath. Holding onto the spine of the book, I stood, crossing the room in quiet steps to sit it in itself place among the pile of other books that shared its similar subject.

“Are you ready for bed, your highness, or do you plan to read more?” That is the plan I spoke, isn’t it?

Backing away from the pile, I made my way over to the door where he, now, stood, “I’m ready to head back to my quarters.”

Opening the door for me, he allowed me to step out first following right behind me, the door softly shutting as to not disturb the somber atmosphere of the night. Coming from behind me, he fell in step beside me neither of us speak for reasons unknown to either of us. It seems that the silence of the night is more comforting this way. The hallways lit with oil lamps that flickered as we passed them, casting shadows in our wake; and the parts of the hallway that were dark until the next lamp, left his eyes to linger on my form. He probably thinks that I haven’t noticed yet, but it’s hard not to when the feeling is rather strong.

When we made it to my quarters, I turned on him to see that his eyes were directly staring into my own, dropping quickly as if I hadn’t seen them. A weird one he is, but loyal is all he seems to be.

“Thank you for accompanying me when you could have been relaxing about your own quarters. I hope the rest of the night finds you well.” Stepping into my room, he waited until the door had closed before he turned on his heels heading out into the vastness that I love.

Not dwelling on how light his steps had become once away from my door, I slipped into my sleepwear and under my blanket. Eyes falling shut in a darkness that welcomed me as its own. Those steel eyes didn’t hold me as they once did, instead chilling my body with the coldness of them. They spoke of unspeakable things that I couldn’t figure out leaving me to bask in a taunting head tilt, that left me curious for more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is shorter than the rest of them, so no worries the rest of the chapters will be longer. I hoped you enjoyed and I'll see you next Thursday!


	3. Dog Rose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your name and pleasures in life...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for missing yesterday, I've been swamped with school work (and I still have a shit ton to do after I upload this), so let me just upload this today and get out of everyone's hair (: 
> 
> As you can see I'm going slower with the getting to know one another as I remember a comment I got long ago about -I don't exactly remember but it had to do with the progress of the characters getting to know one another. So deciding to see hot that'll play out, here you go.
> 
> Also, since this is before Japan's second invasion of Korea, there wasn't such a thing as a cherry blossom yet. Since they didn't grow there until they were planted there. But the other traditional Korean holidays/festivals did nothing for my taste buds, so I threw it in there. I'll explain later in the actual festival chapter all about it, but I just wanted to give everyone a head's up.
> 
> Korean Term(s) in this chapter:  
Gat - A hat  
Tanggeon - Traditional headgear worn by men. Usually is worn under a gat.

The festivities of last night didn’t translate into the sunrise. The palace awoke and carried on as if it were any other day; the only reminder of yesterday being the missing couple. They’ll spend two more sunsets in seclusion before the King returned to his duties leaving the Queen to establish her court on her own.

I bathed yesterday away and after dressing, instead of making my way to the study, I took myself down to the quarters of the Head Advisor. The other sending word for me as soon as I cracked my eyes open. I’m glad to be of help seeing as how my succession is so far down the line that it won’t be happening unless unforeseen circumstance arrive. Even then, I don’t think ruling over an entire Kingdom is for me. Hopefully, once everything is finally settled and in place, I’ll be able to continue my studies outside of the Kingdom like I have been doing a summer prior to this spring.

Learning about others is always an advantage.

Knocking on his door, I was welcomed inside with a grumbled ‘come in’ that had me swallowing my amusement. It’s too early to be finding amusement in trivial things. I greeted him with a smile before sitting down in front of his work desk, the wood stacked high with unblemished papers and scrolls. A block of ink and wet brush showing that it was still in use.

“You called for me, Heo Mok-_sshi_?” Slowly lifting his head from the paper, he was close to balling up, he gave me a sigh of distress knowing that I’d be keen to help. “Does it have to do with the state or is it within the palace?”

“We’ve been so wrapped in the wedding and welcoming, that we’ve completely held off all preparations for the blooming of the Cherry Blossoms. Everyone has been tasked with that aspect and only few remain to help with the dwelling of the home.” A look of shame came over his face making him look older than he already is. “I know it is shameful of me to ask, but would you be willing to go to the market and get a list of things for the lunch the rulers will share?”

It would be normal for one to swipe the table and bash the man who asks of such lowly things from someone of such a high status. But, I didn’t – no, I possible couldn’t. I didn’t question about the servants who should be in charge of such things, instead I agreed to do it under the pretense that I needed a moment away from my studies. That I’m swamped by literary figures and needed time to be amongst the living.

He came around his desk placing his head to the ground apologizing and thanking me for my understanding until his forehead had become red from pain. Face flushed with the blood that rushed to it. Sitting him up, I took on the matter nonchalantly telling him to prepare me the list and a guard to help carry the things needed on it. Thanking me once more, he rushed out of the room to do just that leaving me alone to watch his back as he left. I should take my position more seriously, then again, I was tasked with helping the Queen settle in, so this can be seen as apart of that.

Going back to my quarters, I changed out of my nice robes and into something older not wanting to dirty my nice clothing in case anything happened. I made sure my _tanggeon _was on correctly not wanting it to come off like how it did the last time I wore it under a _gat_. It slipped right off leaving the bamboo frame of the _gat _to scratch the surface of my hairline until it was raw and pink in color. Every time after that, I’ve had a servant help me put it on, sadly that wouldn’t be possible this sunrise.

Once content with my appearance, I headed back towards the Head Advisor meeting him halfway as he held a list with a guard in tow behind him. The other kept his head down but from the freeness of his hair, although half of it was pulled back, I knew it was the one whose eyes hold another world in them. With a slight bow, I took the list and the guard who, once the other was gone, had raised his head – eyes still down casted in the manner he was taught.

“You have the basket?” Moving his arms from behind him, a hand woven basket produced itself causing me to start heading towards the main gate.

The other only a step behind me, although his steps reached further than my own had.

Stepping out of the gate, we didn’t delay, heading straight into the direction of the market which wasn’t far as merchants sold more the closer, they are to the palace. Majority of the walk was filled with me greeting the towns people who looked upon me in the way they do whenever they see a member of the royal family. I even stopped shortly to play around with a few children around Hyun’s age. They seem like good friends for a boy his age to have, but sadly, he can only play with the servant children within the palace grounds.

“Your kindness beseeches you, your highness.” Waving goodbye to the children, I glanced at the other who didn’t seem all that keen on speaking more than a few words in a day.

“Why thank you, um,” Stopping, I fully turned towards him just now of the conclusion that I’ve never gotten his name. “We’ve seen each other on three different days, and this is the second time in which we are in one another’s presence, and your name is still unknown to me. Would you mind if I inquired it?”

“My name is Kim Jiwon, your highness.” He slightly slurred his name causing me to wonder if it was pronounced different from what he was telling me.

“Well, Jiwon-_sshi_, can you take me towards where the vegetables are sold? I have not a clue.” A crack of a small smile had seemed like an illusion on his face as he was nodding and guiding the way before I could inquire about it.

As we walked around getting everything that was needed, he seemed to relax some, his shoulders rolling like waves in the ocean. He looked slightly kinder when he was like this; he looked handsomer. I’m sure the girls that he’s persuade have been thoroughly charmed.

Reaching out for the last item, I was close to grabbing it when his hand had cut into my line of vision, “That isn’t a good one, your highness, this one is better.” His fingers brushed against mine as he picked the one next to it. “Keep the change.”

He tossed the coin to the merchant without much care to if the other had actually caught it or not. With one had firmly holding the full basket, his other hand hovered behind me – his arm giving me the push I needed to start heading back home. A normal silence settled over us, for some reason though, it felt suffocating, so taking the lead I started up a conversation. It’s the least I can do.

“How long have you been in the palace for, Jiwon-_sshi_?”

“Three months, your highness.” Well, that’s a shorter amount of time than I expected.

“How are you liking it so far? Is it as grand as your imaginations might have led you to believe?” Trying to jest with him to lighten the mood, he didn’t join in, only sighing in response.

“As long as I am received, then any place is better than the last, your highness.” All I could do is nod along to his statement as the meaning would clearly be one, I’d never understand.

Coming upon the gate, our conversations dissolved into the sounds of his breathing and my ever cheery greetings to those I’ve seen all the time. I made my way to the kitchen, his words registering with me the longer they sat and simmered in my thoughts. He must be the type to move around in the name of survival. I can’t promise that the palace is a safe haven, but those who’ve been here for years have fallen deeply in love with it. And, I can’t help but hope that those after them have loved it as much as their predecessors have.

Clearing my head with a shake, I stepped over the threshold and into the kitchen greeting the cooks and servants that were bustling around in preparation for the upcoming meal. Jiwon made his way around me sitting the basket down in an easily obtainable area.

One of the cooks came over to me carrying a look of upmost thankfulness, “Thank you so much, your highness. I don’t know what to do that would be enough to return my gratefulness to you and everything you’ve done for us.”

“Oh, take my actions with a grain of salt. I’m happy to help whenever I can.” Smiling at her, she gave it back tenfold. “If you don’t mind, I need to be getting back to my studies.”

“Oh, yes, of course, your highness, please.” Motioning for Jiwon to follow, we headed back into the halls that we’ve become more than used to – well, for me at most.

I led the way this time, my destination already a known one as I’ve virtually have nowhere else to go. It’s a consistent routine that I’ve yet the willfulness to break. I guess one could say that I am fearful of the unknown at this point in my life.

“P-Prince Yunhyeong?” I had my hand on the door to the study ready to open it and enter, but the confusion in his voice had me stilling. “Not to be rude, your highness, but do you do anything other than being in the study?”

“I -,” Well, my point exactly – I don’t.

“I apologize for my inappropriate question. I’ll leave you to your studies.” Spinning on his heels, he practically ran off leaving me with my tongue stuck in the back of my throat.

Sighing, I entered the room that I knew like the back of my hand and taking my seat by the window, I opened a book I’ve become too accustomed to. The words jumbled themselves then straightened out enough for me to pick them up. My mind was hazy, thrown off by the question at hand. It shouldn’t be anything to get worked up over, but at seventeen winters, I clearly haven’t been living my life. Book after book, course after course, tutor after tutor, and so on and so forth. I have little to none people outside, and inside, of this palace that I can call a friend.

What have I been spending these many moons and springs doing besides in this very room? Why am I always in this room?

_You ask how many friends I have? Water and stone, bamboo and pine._

_ The moon rising over the eastern hill is a joyful comrade._

_ Besides these five companions, what other pleasure should I ask?_

_-Yon Son-do_

What pleasure have I not experienced in this abundant life of mine? I ran through the list in my head and there were indeed many. The main one being something that I don’t think is easily obtainable in this life. I’ll soon be married off to strengthen ties as the King has done, but the difference between us is that he’ll soon be seeking for the unobtainable. And once he has that within his grasp, they’ll become a concubine to be loved only in the shadows. Whose name will be spoken amongst township gossip and dirtied with mud until the day of passing comes.

I don’t want that. Do I have a choice in such a matter? No, but then, I can only dream.

“Dream of love,” The words rolled off my tongue, falling onto the pages of the book I closed without looking back.

Placing it down without care, I rushed back to my quarters, stripping and throwing on my nightwear in a rushed manner. I had no real reason to rush, but as I got to my window, throwing it open my eyes fell on a sight I knew I’d see. A sight that had become apart of my nights like how the stars had become apart of the sky. It wasn’t a permanent fixture, but it was always there and shinning brightly when it was.

But, tonight, instead of killing the air, he sat amongst the wildflowers. His head hung low, fingers plucking at weeds that the servants must have missed in their hurried states. From this distance, I could see the rapid moment of his lips that seemed to be casting a spell of sorts, the sight of it lightening the burden placed upon me by him.

He’s always out there fighting, it’s the first time I’ve seen him this calm, “Not to be rude, guard, but do you do anything other than being in the fields?” The thought slipped my mind and right passed my lips causing him to hurriedly stand, turning to meet my eyes.

He ran off without answering my question leaving me to hit my leg for being such an ignorant fool. I shouldn’t even be having these thoughts; I should only be thinking about myself and the matters handed to me, nothing more and nothing less. I shouldn’t be worried about a guard, particularly one who’s only been around for three months.

One whose eyes visit me at night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's all and I'll see you next Thursday...hopefully.


	4. Ivory Gardenias

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A talk between a Queen and her prince...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, Hello, how is everyone doing today? Well, whether good, or bad, I hope it gets better, or stays good.
> 
> So, in this chapter there isn't much history as it's mainly just talking between Yun and the Queen, so yeah. This will lead to further developments between the two so look forward to a beautiful friendship. Other than that, enjoy the chapter and I'll see you next Thursday!
> 
> Korean Term(s) in this chapter:  
Sangwang - Former King  
Mama - Queen  
Gun - King's son with his concubine(s)

A week had passed with the other avoiding me. His presence running off at the sound of me doing anything that indicated I was within arm’s reach. I didn’t think much on it in the beginning as they were preparing the guards for the festivities that are to take place on the next full moon. Which is in another week’s time, if I might add. So, I continued on with my normal routine in search of ways to deter from it. There isn’t much I can do as it pertains to my status, but the things I can do are things that I am already doing and used to. 

Sighs continuously fell from my lips as I wandered the halls with these thoughts on my mind. I had no one to speak to them about as Hyun wouldn’t understand at such a tender age. The three siblings before me are all women, princess, that have already been married off to strengthen Kingdom ties. I don’t think it’s worth the effort to send a messenger on long travel just to deliver an emotionally unsound letter and get barely a word of advice. The sibling before them has found his place as a general in the military, who only shows his face when it comes time to train the guards before times of war. The sibling before him is clearly the current King, so I’m clearly not going to get anything but a lecture on appreciating my position more.

Which I do appreciate, partial to the fact that my mother is the _Sangwang_’s second concubine and had awarded him a son after his first one awarded him three daughters. Very beautiful daughters, but daughters none the less. He was even ecstatic in his old age when mother had given birth to Hyun, who everyone perceived would be a daughter based on mother’s symptoms during her months with him.

This life of luxury and comfort is very much appreciated, but I’ve been told than even a poor man appreciates a hut, especially when it’s the only thing he knows. Stability is something that all ranks appreciate, even if the lower ones strive to be at the top.

“Prince Yunhyeong,” The softness of my name brought me from my half-lucid state of thinking to find myself standing in front of the Queen.

“_Mama_, it is a pleasure to be in your presence.” Bowing to her, she waited until I lifted my head before giving me a small smile. “How are you liking the palace so far?”

“It is quite wonderful, thank you for your concern.” I’m glad it is to her liking. “Were you headed somewhere? You’ve been in front of my door murmuring for the last few minutes.”

Taking in the space around us, I swallowed my gasp of shock as I had somehow wandered over to the quarters that housed those on the upper hand of royalty. Not knowing if to apologize or come up with an excuse, I decided to freeze and allow her to carry the conversation how she see fit. This conversation wasn’t exactly a necessity for her to have, but I haven’t spoken one word to her since she’s arrived, so I don’t know what is or isn’t her style of speech.

“Ah, if you were, I’m sorry for interrupting you.” Shaking my head, I strongly disagreed to her words as she didn’t interrupt anything besides useless thoughts.

“No, I wasn’t heading anywhere in particular, _Mama_. I apologize for causing a disturbance outside of your quarters.” She accepted my apology with a small nod of her head making me wonder what she’s actually like.

‘What crazy things am I thinking?!’

“Then, if you don’t mind, would you sit with me outside for a moment. I’ve become too accustomed to the wood embedded in these walls and I’d like to experience nature once more.”

“Of course, _mama_, I would be absolutely enthralled to join you.” I accepted immediately finally having something to do other than stare at the stained pages of my books. “I’ll even get a servant to bring us tea and some fruit.”

“That would be lovely, Yunhyeong-_gun_.” Smiling at the thought of actually doing something right, I motion for her to follow behind me already having the perfect resting place in mind.

As we made our way through the halls and towards the place I wanted to go, we walked in relative silence only speaking when either of us asked a question not entirely pertaining to what’s going on around us. Stopping a servant for the things I promised, they rushed off with words of being outside before we could even think about their absents. Thanking them, we continued on our way and as we made it outside, I took a deep breath taking in the air that finally smelled of a proper spring. The winter breeze had gone on its way leaving nothing but sunshine and sporadic rain in its path.

The flowers that were trying to bloom under the previous conditions have finally started to show themselves leaving the once vast planes of grass to be filled with many fresh colors. It was simply beautiful.

A deep breath from beside me had my head turned to see that she had covered his mouth in haste, “I’m glad that you like it.”

Gentle. It would be the only appropriate word to describe how she smiled, her eyes crinkling at the corners as she nodded in agreeance. The King is lucky to have someone like her by his side, even if it is only at face value, right now.

Coming upon the pavilion, I made a grand gesture towards it glad that it has been cleared recently. They were even so kind as to make the moat nice and neat to match the seasons, “This was built after the _Sangwang_’s Queen spoke highly of the beauties her father told her during his days as a traveling merchant. He had gone as far as China, so to commemorate his memories that have inspired many of the Queen’s greatest pleasures, it was built. There are even fish in the water, and with the right lightening the sight is truly beautiful.”

“If that isn’t a beautiful story.” Helping her take her cushion, I sat across from her with an even bigger smile on my face at her kindness. “How you ever traveled?”

“Ah, yes, in pursuit of furthering my studies I’ve only found myself wandering around the southern region.” Chuckling at the image of myself going around each village in complete awe – it was the most exhilarating thing I’ve ever experienced.

“_Mama_ and Yunhyeong-_gun_,” The calling of our titles had us both turning to see the earlier servant, “I’ve brought your tea and fruit.”

Waving them over, they sat the trays down, arranging them in a way that it would be easy for the both of us to enjoy. I thanked them for their hard work, causing them to bow out, almost running into the palace’s structure before they rounded the corner. Covering my mouth to conceal my laughter, I shook my head in humor as I started to fill our cups with the aromatic tea that had been brought for us to enjoy. After a few sips and words of appreciation, we had fallen into a comfortable silence taking in the scenery around us – the scenery that made my desire for love even stronger somehow.

Across the water, on its edge, there was a small walking path that surrounded the whole pavilion and it disappeared to come back towards the home. On the other side of the walking path, held a small playing field and beyond that was the forest and the life that lived within it. We were permitted from entering the forest unless we needed to escape during times of refugee. Since little, I’ve always wondered what was in those trees, but clearly, I never acted on this curiosity.

“I wonder what those two guards are up to?” My head snapped over taking in the two guards in question as they willed swords against one another.

It wasn’t anything serious from their relaxed stances, but it surely made you curious as to why, if they weren’t serious about it. As they’ve moved against the playing field, the sound of metal coming in contact with metal grew, even their taunting words had come into ear shot.

“…prince? You must wish for death, my friend.”

“Death is the only thing I know that is certain in this life.” There was slight laughter laced amongst this person’s words. “Plus, nothing will come out of this interest. A mere pretty face and nothing more.”

“A pretty face? I’ll give you that, only for the fact that he resembles the beauty that our Queen is.”

“A beauty indeed, but not as beautiful as he.” They spun around, positions changing, bringing me to the face of the one who has been avoiding me.

“Don’t tell me – have thoughts of sodomy crossed your mind?”

“You must mistake me for that Young Master your so enamored with.” The one whose back was now to us, sputtered as if in disgust causing me to tilt my head as I continued to listen. “Is that not true? You’re always rushing to see him when he comes for the last, of age, prince.”

‘Young Master? Last, of age, prince?’ I put it together instantly finding myself the only aspirant in question to these words.

“I do not rush! I’m as curious as others are to his infatuation with the other.” There was a beat of silence before the unnamed spoke once more. “I heard he’s coming to impose upon the prince tomorrow sunrise.”

“And where did you hear such a thing from?” I spoke up as they were too close for them not to have noticed either of us sitting and enjoying the afternoon.

“P-Prince Yunhyeong and…_Mama_…” They both got down on one knee, greeting the both of us in a subservient manner. “Please excuse our gossip. We promise not to do so again.”

“No! I mean, don’t stop your time wasting because of my curiosity, I only wondered if your last statement was of truth. Is the Young Master of the Joo household coming tomorrow sunrise?”

“That is what I’ve heard, your highness.” Oh my – what am I to do? “If you’d like, we can keep him from entering the grounds on account of you not having an visitor before the festival.”

“It’s fine, I can handle my matters on my own. You two may get back to what you were doing.” The guard unnamed stood and started heading off first, leaving Jiwon behind to sneak long looks into my eyes before he too ran off.

A teacup being sat down heavily on the table’s surface had me turning to the other, “I never knew a prince to have so many male admirers.”

“I -,” I was stuck once more by the realization that another person was right about something I didn’t want to admit. “Well – it seems that that is so, your highness.”

“I know that others feel that it is something to be ashamed about, but as long as you are sure of your feelings then I find nothing wrong with it. You only find a love that is for forever once in your lifetime, so don’t let it run itself away because of it being a man.”

“Love? I don’t even know what that is.” I spoke in a jesting way while nodding in understanding to her words that I don’t understand.

“When the chance comes you will, and a smile will never leave your face once you’ve found it.” A smile so genuine had come onto her face and it made me somewhat envious.

“Is the King your once in a lifetime?” I expected her to lie with words of agreeance, instead she had done the opposite.

“I cannot lie nor can I be fully truthful. I’ll leave the answer up to you, Yunhyeong-_gun_.”

How does one even hold an answer to such honesty? It would be better for one to lie; it would be better for one not to answer at all.


	5. Dragonfly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, sorry for missing another Thursday, it wasn't brought to my attention until I was cursing myself to sleep at three a.m this morning, so as per usual I'm just going to drop this and act like nothing ever happened lol. 
> 
> Young Master of the Jo Household is based on thin-air, so plug who you will with your imagination. 
> 
> There's not much history in this for me to open up a history book on you guys, but there is a definition so, I'll put that below then move onto the Korean Term(s). Other than that enjoy and we'll see if it's next Thursday or Friday.
> 
> Sodomy - Any type of sexual intercourse heid to be abnormal or 'unnatural' (remember the time period); anything other than penetrative V*gin*l s*x.  
(A little censorship for le children) 
> 
> Korean Term(s):  
Seoye - Korean calligraphy  
Choseo - Cursive script (calligraphy)  
Yeseo - Official script (calligraphy)

The sun had barely risen over the horizon when a few soft knocks sounded at my door. I sat up in flurry of limbs and bedding trying to quickly find my head, which didn’t take as long as it usually did. A yawn passed through the small opening in my lips, widening my mouth until it had passed; and once it did, I called for the person to enter. Thankfully, it was a servant as they spoke of me having a visitor that was waiting by the training fields. My mind raced with the many possible people it could be, but by the look on her face, I already knew it could only be the one I dreaded.

After a moment of silence, she helped me to get dressed in something a little heavier than what I’d usually wear, the early sunrise air too crisp for anything lighter. Once dressed and properly freshened, I dismissed her while I headed out of my room to go speak to a person who didn’t listen no matter how much I turned to layman terms. At this point, I’m taking it that it isn’t my speech that is the problem.

Guards were all over the place, bodies bulking themselves up for the harsh training that faced them. They’ll be allowed limited, free, range during the festival but even with that small amount of freedom they’ll still be used to keep everything in order. Especially since the palace will be packed with those from neighboring regions that we have good ties with. We can’t allow anything to go wrong, or else, things won’t be looking in the favor of the King anymore.

Suppressing a soft sigh at the amount of rushing we are doing for something in a few days times has an even heavier weight on my shoulders.

“I hope that sigh isn’t for me, Prince Yunhyeong,” The dreaded one appeared in front of me with his hands held behind his back and a smile on his face.

“Ah, no, Young Master Jaehyung, it isn’t.” I returned his smile with a kind one of my own. “I’m fatigued from all the preparations we are going through. Is the festival reason for your visit?”

“It has to do with it, although ultimately not the main component.” Breaking away from the other’s features, I looked over the field, my eyes instantly finding those steel eyes that brought me to sleep. “Shall we find somewhere to chat?”

Agreeing with a slight nod, the other led me towards a seating arrangement that he always had the staff arrange among his arrival. In the beginning, I found it weird that one would go to such lengths to speak to such a lowly prince, but I now know his motives. I now know what is behind that kind smile that he flashes everyone without worry.

Upon our arrival, a table with fresh tea and bread sat upon it, the other ushering me inside with a slight nudge to my back. Not wanting the other to touch me more, I sat by myself taking the side closest to the many opened windows and the door. It’s flaps always staying open as the trust for the young master wasn’t one of greatness. The rumors have him looked upon with weary eyes, and the fact that he’s always seeking me out doesn’t make it any better for either of us. 

“Let me pour my prince his first cup of tea this sunrise,” Without a care to if I would actually agree, he took possession of the ceramic kettle decorated with flowers more beautiful than the real ones.

His technique, a little less shaky than usual, cautiously showed me that he was used to other’s pouring his drinks for him. Even the way he sat, an arrogance to everything he does, showing that he thinks others are below him. I wonder how those he beds feel – they must love it.

Delicately wrapping my fingers around the cup, I blew on the smoke that rose from the tea, “Thank you.”

“Anything for you, your highness.” Humming as I had nothing to say to that, I sipped languidly with no real effort to wake myself up to engage in conversation with him. “Your beauty is even more radiant in the sunrise hours.”

“You flatter me, really.” Sitting my cup down, I cleared my throat trying to figure out how I should start this whole thing.

We’ll likely run through the same back and forth until it is time for either of us to leave. It is somewhat entertaining, but then again, it is tiring to have the same words spew from my lips every time we see one another. My heart saddens at that fact that some as handsome as himself would rather spend his time going in circles rather than find a wife and prepare himself to take over his family matters. Although his time to spend however he likes, it is my time that he choices to waste with such a heterodox matter.

“I was curious to know if you’d be participating in the fun of the festival, your highness.” Picking up a piece of lightly toasted bread, I glazed it over with a swipe of honey to give the handmade dough some sweetness.

“That is what I plan to do if I’m without duty in the palace.” A sly look came over his face as he bit into his own slice of bread with nothing on it. “Does that have to do with today’s meeting?”

“Wanted to know if you’d accompany me to the festival?”

“Is me accompanying you all that you have planned for the afternoon?” From the look and past experience, I knew that wasn’t the only thing he wanted to do. “If that is not, then I’ll have to decline any other advances.”

“Are you that afraid that you go out of your way to decline me every time?” Dusting away the crumbs on my mouth with light fingers, the rest of my tea emptied its cup to stop the drying of my throat from the bread.

“This has nothing to do with fear, Jaehyung, it has to do with the fact that I find no reason to commit such acts with you.”

“Such acts? Love isn’t something with such an unfitting connotation.” Love? He must take me for nothing more than a fool.

“Sodomy isn’t love to you, and you yourself have proven that time and time again, young master.” Trying to stay as kind as possible, I in turn poured him an undeserving cup of tea. “I clearly find your visits tiresome, particularly when you come with the anomaly to try and bed me at any given chance.”

“To bed such a beauty would be a lovely dream, so the adversary to it is uncanny, to say the least, your highness.” A soft breeze filtered into the room, swaying the shades as if wanting to hurry this along.

“To say the least, Jaehyung? I thank you for your kind words and flattery, but I would like to put an end to such visits as these. If you have concerns on anything else, then I’ll gladly abide your time, if not then don’t even think about calling for me.” I got a little stern hoping that he would see how uncomfortable such talk makes me.

“A virgin in mind and body,” Choking on my spit, I harshly patted my chest to get my body to function properly once more. “You know not the pleasures of ecstasy, so it is only right for someone on an almost equal standing to teach you such things, your highness. I am only leaned my body in help.”

Pouring myself another cup, I gulped it down to cool the thick burning in my throat, “Your help, or more so your body, is unwanted. I’ll be the one to find the person when it comes time to rid myself of purity, until then these meetings will be just like your help – unwanted.”

A small smirk covered his features, leg propping up even further as he threw back the forgotten cup, I had poured for him. Arrogance falling off of him in undeterred waves of resilience. It is clear that until I marry this demon of a man will be after me. I hope he doesn’t follow me into the afterlife as it would be undeserving of me to face such torture.

“You said person which tells me that you are apathetic of gender, that only raises my chances by another ten percent.” Leaning closer, although the table separated us, he was deeply in my space. “Which tells me that you are not opposed to sodomy, you are only opposed when it comes to me, correct?”

Baffled. That is the only word that could cover the feeling, look on my face, and tightness of my throat. I never even once thought of sodomy until this young master came seeking me out a moon cycle ago. He had become brass on the evening of Hyung becoming King, and ever since he has been nothing more than a brute in his pursuit of me. With his mind only after my body and the gal to be able to say he bedded a royal, I’ve been on a mission to avoid him like the sickness that he has become.

Now, that he is actually not going around in circles, it is being brought to my attention that I’ve never once specified my preference. Of course, I’ll marry a princess without a second thought and live the rest of my life in the betterment of my Kingdom and its people. There is no preference, if we’re to be honest. If the King told me to marry a donkey I would with no hesitation, especially if it were in benefit of something. I am to be with who I am told.

“Have you ever been in love, your highness?” Sucking in my lips, my eyes dropped to my hands in my lap not at all use to this switch in behavior. “I’ve been in love more than once, and you are correct that my only willingness in pursuing you is with the chances to gloat, but once you come across someone you love…the feeling is indescribable.”

He pushed himself to stand, the sun shining bright among his movements in the room no longer lit by the softness of oil lamps. The sun having completely taken over, dimming them until the breeze blew them out.

“I’ll give you what you wish, your highness, but if you ever feel the want to experience true carnal desires, then I’ll always be at your service no matter the season.” Remaining silent, he left me alone a slight skip in his step at something that will most likely never come to fruition.

Frozen in time. I sat still with trivial thoughts running through my head, only coming to once the servants had cleared out the makeshift seating area. It left only me, the breeze, and a figure trying his hardest to seem invisible. Huffing a small sigh, I moved from the center of the room towards the door, my head quickly turning the corner to catch those steel eyes meeting mine in the tiniest bit of shock.

“Good sunrise, Jiwon-_sshi_,” He gave me a head bow, the smallest of twitches pulling at the corner of his mouth.

“Your highness, you are being waited for in the study.”

We both stood, the other grabbing my elbow in an effort to stabilize me, “Thank you for taking time out of your training to rely the message.”

“I’ll escort you there, if you don’t mind.” Shaking my head, the warmth from his hand on my arm had him jerking his hand away in a quick apology.

I brushed it off with a smile ignoring the lingering feeling it had left even after a decent amount of time had passed. My robes must be retaining heat – the only plausible explanation. I’ll have to change before lunch or else I’ll surely overheat.

The walk was taken in silence, the chirping of birds and the buds that were more than ready to blossom greeting us on our path that didn’t seem to be long enough. We both focused our attention elsewhere; mine on the flowers that were becoming more vibrant as time passed, and him, with his eyes constantly falling on me every few seconds. I said nothing on it as it was probably to make sure that I was still by his side. It only takes a split second for things to go from fine to worse.

As we got closer to the study, small arms jumped me, they wrapped around one of my legs causing me to feel the face through my layers. I kneeled scooping the other up, the both of our smiles mimicking one another’s – it gave away that we shared the same mother.

“Prince Hyun, I thought you’d already be knee deep in lessons by now.” His advisor shook his head in amusement probably having scolded the younger for his procrastination.

“I can’t concentrate if Hyung isn’t here!” His arms held a strong grip on my neck as he hug me tighter than normal.

“Is that so?” Lightly poking his side, he giggled before releasing me from his grip, a crinkled nose greeting me this time.

“Yes! I- who is this, Hyung?” Almost forgetting that the other was with me, I looked at Jiwon to see that he held all the astute of a guard who has been doing this all of one’s life.

“This is Jiwon-_sshi_,” I leaned into his ear whispering words I knew would take him over the moon, “he’s the guard that you spoke so highly of a few weeks prior.”

He squealed in delight, little feet kicking as he kept glancing at the other. My smile became even wider at how excited he had become over so little. Once older, he’ll understand that those who scream for him in town hold the same excitement that he does, only then will he understand his position.

“Do you think he’d want to play with me someday?” His voice had dropped to a whisper, eyes now focused on my neck that seemed to hold all his answers.

“Would you like me to ask for you?” A few quick nods had me squeezing him into a hug, his innocence way too pure for this world. “I’ll ask if you complete all your homework and actually practice your _seoye_, okay?”

Wiggling to get down, he took off into the study the moment his feet touched the ground, his advisor giving me a more than thankful smile. The door was left ajar behind them in wait for my entrance that would be in no more than a few seconds. Turning towards Jiwon, he thoroughly relaxed once the two had left and it was one of the kindest acts anyone has displayed towards Hyun. As a last-born and someone with no sight for the throne, those around only gave him the bare-minimum of his due respect, many thinking to not make the child too full of himself. And that’s the last thing Hyun will ever be.

“Thank you,” Blinking the watery feeling from my eyes, I reached out to take ahold of his bicep and once the firmness was within my grasp, I gave it a slight squeeze, “for everything.”

“N-No worries, your highness.”

Retreating my hand, I folded my hands politely in front of me, “Hyun wants to know if you’ll indulge in play with him whenever your schedule permits.”

“It would be my pleasure, Prince Yunhyeong.” Another smile ended our conversation as I dismissed him to go back to his training while I slipped through the opening left for me.

Once inside, I closed the door with an unknown softness and taking my seat next to Hyun, I picked up my brush. The ink block already wet and ready to be used for our lesson this sunrise. A different tutor from the elder who taught ever other lesson, sat in front of us, slightly younger but full of the same respect as the other elder. He held a brush as well telling me to practice my _choseo _while he went about instructing Hyun on his _yeseo_.

Doing as I was told with no needed direction; I swirl my brush into the ink making sure to not overly saturate it or else I’d be left with large blobs of black on the paper. I went through the alphabet to make sure that my lines were correct, and once sure I took another sheet of paper. What started a nonsensical writing had the teacher stopping me, a surprised look on his face as he compliment me for my poetic inclination. Not having any idea as to what he was talking about, I took in the words I wrote.

A deep blush ran up my neck, over my face, and straight into my hairline leaving my face a flushed pink.

‘_Love, a deep sweep of honey over lilac purples and sweetened blues.’_

Quickly, I tried to persuade that I knew not what I was talking about, but he merely swept it under the rug with words of my future spouse being thoroughly loved. A compliment that I did not need, although I’ll appreciate it. Our lesson continued on in such a way until lunch which had me laying on the ground with my eyes closed and the soft breeze lulling me back into a sleep cut short.

Into features that swallowed me whole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to expanded a little more and say that I should be on schedule next week, it's just that I have my first English paper/project due by Midnight on Sunday and I'm a little under 1,100 words under the word limit so I've been all over the place trying to gather more information and whatnot. So, apologies and I'll most definitely see you Thursday! 
> 
> Comment if you have any questions or want to just speak on anything! See ya!


	6. Cherry Blossoms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A light patter on the petals of Cherry Blossoms...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! I didn't miss today! I had to double check because I thought today was Friday and I was about to spaz on myself - any who, enough rambling. How is everyone? I hope the day is starting off okay for you, and if not i hope it gets better. Now, for a medium length paragraph on the origins of Cherry Blossoms in Korea and why I decided to bring it further back into the past, even though it isn't historically correct. Bending history ladies and gentlemen! 
> 
> Cherry Blossom trees, or more so the Yoshino cherry trees, were bought and planted at the Changgyeonggung Palace during Japan's second rule of Korea (1910-1945) during WWII. With the planting of this trees brought about the festivities surrounding them, and even after Japan's surrender these festivities have continued. In recent years Koreans have asserted that the Yoshino cherry trees is the same species as a native Korean endangered species known as the King Cherry. This has been debunked through many studies and the two have been separated with different names to distinguish the two. As for where Cherry blossom festivals are held today, they are mainly prominent in Yeouido and Jinhae but can be seen elsewhere. 
> 
> Now, the reason I choose cherry blossoms and to force a festival in the past, well Japan's initial invasion of Korea was from 1592-1598 three hundred years earlier than the stories setting. And, yes, it would have been great if they had planted cherry blossoms back then but that wasn't there plan at all - they were there to conquer and ultimately failed in the end due to China helping Korea. So, when they eventually succeeded at least 400 years later, it would make sense that they'd want to claim the territory by turning it into their own. What I'm trying to say is that Japan was already there once, so why the hell not; plus, I like the look of cherry blossoms, be it in movies or books ¯\\_( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_/¯. 
> 
> Korean term(s):   
Ajumeoni - Formal version of Ahjumma, which is a middle-aged woman  
Jjinppang - A traditional bread with bean paste on the inside, comes in multiple colors.  
Gonggi - A popular Korean children's game that is traditionally played using five or more small grape-sized pebbles. Nowadays, children buy colorful plastic stones instead of going to find pebbles.   
Tanggeon - A type of Korean traditional headgear worn by men, which is put under a gat.  
Shi/Sshi/ssi - Neutral and polite appendages, respectively, when you call a person by name.  
Gun - The King’s son with his concubine(s).

The flowers were in full bloom. Their fragrance mixing heavily with the sweets and other foods that the merchants had gathered early to make. Children squealed in delight of the bright colors, wide smiles adorning their small faces as they forced flowers into everyone’s hair. Today is clearly a day of warmth and nothing less will disrupt it.

I made my way around the palace, checking in on others to see if they’re settling in, and enjoying so far. It wasn’t my duty – I had none for the day – but with nothing to do, I found no reason not to. Once I did what I could for others, I found myself by the front gates of the palace wondering if I should call someone or journey alone. Well, the thought wasn’t dwelled on for long as Jiwon had come into my line a vision, a heavy sigh falling from his lips.

“Jiwon-_sshi_!” He flinched at the enthusiasm in my voice, but came closer, nonetheless. “Are you on your way to enjoy?” A curt nod had me smiling in relief. “Do you mind if I accompany you? I won’t bother you much.”

“If that is what you wish, then I’ll happily oblige.” Thanking him with a soft smile, we left the confinements of the palace side-by-side, our eyes taking in the scenery that enclosed us. “It’s beautiful.”

“Is this your first time seeing them, Jiwon-_sshi_? Or do they have them where you’re from?”

“Ah, no, this wouldn’t be a first, your highness; although, the colors are more vibrant than what I’m used to.” The look of fascination in his eyes had me staring at him in an equal lighting.

When had his eyes showed such a wonderful light?

Our eyes meeting, had me turning away, a blush spreading at having been caught so blatantly. I should be focused on the festivities anyway, and not on some guard. We soon came upon the merchant vendors whose food had my mouth salivating at the aroma of it. They’ll bring a large batch by the palace for those who don’t wish to venture out, so surely there’ll be some once we return. But, having them fresh off the steamer would always be better.

Going to the first vendor, I greeted them a kind smile and a look of contemplation, “I’ll take two, please.”

“Your highness, you are welcome to take as much as you’d like.” Waving off her words, I only wanted the two – I’d hate to take away from others. “Here you go. Would you like anything else?”

“No, thank you, _ajumeoni_.” I love how nice the townspeople are, they’ll forever make me happy. “How much will that be?”

“You can just take it, your highness.” Becoming flustered with her words, I handed off the food to Jiwon who stood to the side watching without a word.

“I possibly couldn’t. You’ve been working hard since sunrise and it would be rude of me to not pay you for your hard work, so please.” Holding out a rather large coin, she fought with me over it until I pressed it in his palm, closing her hand over it. “Thank you for the food. We’ll enjoy it.”

Her appreciation for the money would be something I’ll never understand, but it doesn’t mean that I can’t sympathize with those sentiments. Bidding her a fruitful workday, I turned to the other taking one of the two items I had purchased. His face slightly scrunching in confusion at what I’ve given him to eat.

“It’s called _Jjinppang_.” Breaking open the colored bun, I showed him the red inside with a slight squeeze. “The inside is filled with red bean paste, it’s delicious.” 

Taking the first bite, he watched as I chewed and swallowed, a look of pure delight coming across my face at how warm it is. He went next, his mouth overly stretched before his front teeth took the smallest of bites. After realizing that such a bite would not warrant him any flavor, he went in for a bigger one this time actually appreciating its taste. The rest soon found itself being stuffed into his mouth, cheeks overfilled while he chewed, his head nodding in agreeance to my earlier statement.

“Would you care for my other half?” I held it wanting him to take it, my stomach ready for the flavor of other food.

“T-Thank you, your highness.” We both mimicked one another, the halves being shoved into our mouths without a second thought.

Dusting the flour from our hands, we continued on our way walking aimlessly as we took in those who are enjoying themselves. The sight is something special, and I’m forever grateful to be able to experience this year after year. We came to a stop before the well that would send us back down the way we had come. I took a deep breath, the scent of cherry blossoms clouding all of my senses at one time. And as I released said deep breath, the trees seem to rustle with it, petals falling to cover the ground wherever it had become barren from activity.

“Prince-_sshi_?” The little voice had me looking down, a young maiden of no more than seven standing in front of me with stars in her eyes.

Crouching down, she smiled a wide tooth missing smile that had my heart doing flips, “Yes, my lady?”

“I-I made this for you.” Pushing something into my hands, she turned away as if I hadn’t noticed the pink already in her ears. “I-I hope you like it.”

“A gift from such a pretty lady will always be well received. Whatever can I do to repay you?” Her fidgeting was cute and as she shook her head, I reached into my pouch producing a coin. “Will you take this for your kindness?”

A small nod had her tiny hands wrapping around my fingers that held the coin, and the moment it was within her possession I stood. Patting her head, I sent her off towards what I’m guessing to be an elder sibling as they came running frantic in search of said child. I greeted them with a slight head bow that had them almost folding themselves in half to return.

“What is it, your highness?” Holding it out, the crown of vibrant flowers rested lightly in my palm, the child’s work being displayed to the other. “What do you plan to do with such a thing?”

“I’ll surely cherish it, but for now, it will be hung in my quarters.” Nodding in affirmation to my decision, the other had released a soft chuckle.

“…cute…”

The word seemed to have gotten lost in the wind, it’s meaning carried on a petal before landing at my feet, “Huh?”

“We should start heading back, your highness.” Deciding that it would be better to not ask if my hearing was correct, I hurried behind him as he started making his way back towards the palace.

His hair that never stayed in place, danced around him, headband holding onto whatever decided to be content on his head. Every time I see the stray strands, I wish to put it back into its place neatly, although never have the gall to do such a thing. I’d probably be hit before my fingers could even get close to his forehead. Well, doing that without any prior notice is quite rude, so the hit would be warranted. 

We came upon the gates quicker than I would have appreciated, but keeping that sentiment to myself, I greeted the servants that filtered in and out past us. The sound of a voice I knew all too well had me walking in its direction, the other silently following behind me. Upon rounding the house to the back of the palace, where the servants and guards usually ate, we came to the scene of Hyun and a few other children playing with one another. White petals with soft pink hues being their toys for the moment.

“Children, can I join in on your fun?” They stopped, big eyes looking upon me with a feeling that only they could exude.

“Yes!” The unison of their voices had the smile on my face becoming wider as I stepped closer to them.

I was a few steps away when Hyun came running towards me, petals becoming crushed in his little fist, “Hyung, guard-_sshi_!” He tried his hardest to whisper it, but completely missed the mark causing the words to travel some.

So, turning towards the other, he stared at us in conflict, “What do you say, Jiwon-_sshi_? You can fulfill your promise without the need to worry too much.” 

“Then, I guess, I must, your highnesses.” With his confirmation, Hyun took off towards the other, his little body tripping over his own feet.

I watched for a moment as the younger rapidly explained what was going on before I turned towards the other children more than ready to play. The game resumed with us until the other two joined in, petals being thrown around in utmost pure joy. As we ran around, I made sure to keep track of everyone and seeing that Jiwon was having a hard time adjusting to what was going on, I picked up a handful of petals. Quietly walking over to his side, I whispered his name and when his head snapped over to meet my voice I tossed the petals upon him. He blinked in confusion before a harsh sneeze left him making me chuckle at the petals that fell from his head upon him doing so.

“Hyung!” It was my time to turn and as I did, a rain of petals struck me in the face from the many tiny hands that threw them.

Shaking my head, I wiped away the petals that stuck to my face with a frown at how they banded together against me. Another voice had called out to me, but when I turned this time I had come face-to-face with Jiwon and this gummy smile. A blast of petals had fanned themselves over my face causing my eyes to close as they gently rolled off my face and down my chest. The petals finding temporary stay in the folds of my clothing.

Opening my eyes, he stayed in front of me, a look of mischief replacing the gummy smile, and with his hands behind his back it left me utterly confused. Confused as to why my heart had started to beat in time with the running of a wild horse. Swallowing at the sudden dryness in my mouth, I took a step back laughing at how they had gotten me which could only mean revenge. I made quick work of clearing my head as I grabbed multiple handfuls of petals and began to throw them with no aim in direction. It started an all-out war that left all of us covered in petals and their dust – our smiles stretching into long joyous laughter.

“I-I give up, you guys win!” Taking my defeat after almost being drowned in petals, I sat on the porch wondering if I should lay down and risk a lecture.

About to take the bait in my own trap, I had stilled at the body that had come to sit next to my own, white specks falling from him as if it were a storm in winter. He seemed to pay no mind to it, eyes focused on the children who gave up on the petal war and choose instead to play _Gonggi_. I too tried to focus on the game, but my eyes constantly found themselves wandering towards the other and the tiny curl of his lips that could only hint at a smile.

There was a twitch to his neck signaling that he head was to turn, so looking away quickly I took in Hyun as he tried his hardest to get past the first round, “Prince Yunhyeong…”

Turning my head, I unintentionally held my breath for whatever reason upon seeing the intensity of his gaze, “…y-yes?”

His hand reached out making me lean slightly closer, and as his hand pulled away with pinched fingers, I kept my eyes down casted, “You had a petal stuck in your _tanggeon_, your highness.” Lifting my eyes, they were met with the white petal, its pink hue, and deep pink beginning, but as my eyes continued to lift I took in the face that seemed different than it had a few moments prior.

It seems that he took on a hue of his own that left his features to stand out in a way that I’ve never known of. Leaning back into my initial position, I took the petal from him with a small smile before turning away as I didn’t want him to – I don’t really know, but I didn’t want him to do it at this moment. And with the other taking in my side-profile, the children continued to play until the sun had begun to set. Their parents coming to get them with Hyun’s advisor right behind them, the children whining as they followed behind them. It left only the two of us, our eyes taking in the sky that had begun to turn an orange red.

“D-Do you plan to read before dinner, your highness?” Humming, my fingers twirled the petal in between them as thoughts of anything that I normal do had become far-off. “I-If not,” The pause in his speech had me looking at him wait, “would you care to accompany me on a walk?”

My heart that seems to be trying to rid me to death had stopped at his anxious sincerity, before picking up at what could only be the sunsetting among his cheeks. I must be experiencing something phenomenal as this sensation is nothing more than strange. Maybe, I am passing, and these are early signs?

‘I’ll have to ask the doctor tomorrow,’ settling with my own thoughts, I opened my mouth to answer only for us to be interrupted by a servant.

“Prince Yunhyeong, dinner is being served early, so I’ve come to fetch you, your highness.” Unconsciously nodding, I moved to stand but quickly stopped as the other is waiting on a reply.

“Apologies, Jiwon-_sshi_, maybe another time. Spring only become more lovely as time carries on.” Bowing my head in goodbye, I followed behind the servant, the other becoming nothing more than a shadowy figure until I had turned the corner and lost complete sight of him.

My heart ached the moment I was far away from the other leaving me even more confused than I had been a moment earlier. This is clearly death – it has to be, there seems to be no way around it.

‘I’m definitely going to see the doctor tomorrow.’

Dinner had become a droning affair, talk of things I understood but didn’t care to pick up filled the space around me. The only distraction, if it could be deemed that, was Hyun. With no knowledge to anything that they spoke of, he talked to me about the fun he had and how he had to study early this sunrise to be allowed to play. It was child talk, honestly, but I listened in as if it were something that should be recorded in a book. My deep indulgence left him on a cloud of joy, his words soon slurring together at the rapid speed and stuttering that had ensued from such a feeling. 

He brought a fondness to my heart that he makes me feel every time I see him, and this time it only seemed to grow.

Once dinner had concluded, I offered to take Hyun back to his quarters with the advisor in tow. I’m not to sure on his nighttime routine, so it would obviously be best for me to leave once to his door. Which wasn’t all that far from my own – only a hallway and a few steps to the left.

The walk filled itself with chatter between Hyun and his advisor. They spoke on the small book he’s to read before sleep, their conversation soon losing me with nostalgia. Hyun’s advisor was once my advisor in childhood, the conversations they hold were once held between us, but with Hyun’s birth he left me to tend to the last born of our kingdom. It left me with others who held no sound advice, only knowledge and what I should do for my kingdom.

With his departure, I soon found myself buried deep within pages of books I was too young to understand, but I read them still. I found myself among those that had become victims to their grey hairs and without knowledge of a childhood they once lived. Do I fault him for following his given duties? No. I’m more than glad that he can provide Hyun with a youth that I’ve tasted for such a short period of time.

Coming upon his door, I crouched down taking in the younger for the last time tonight, “Well, it seems that this is where we part, Prince Hyun. I thank you for the enjoyment you have given me today. I’m truly in debt.” Jesting with him, he bowed to me in a grand way.

“As repayment for your debt, you owe me one good night kiss, Prince Yunhyeong.” He spoke in the same grand manner, his advisor softly chucking at the display of grandeur.

“As you wish, your highness.” Scooping him close, I placed a few kisses upon his face causing him to wiggle in my arms to be let free. “Sweet dreams, my prince.” I let him go with that, the younger quickly returning a single kiss before taking off to the solitude of his room.

“Goodnight, Yunhyeong-_gun_.” Bidding the advisor, a goodnight, I left taking the short walk towards my own quarters.

Silence accompanied me this time, my thoughts remaining silent as well, allowing me to only focus on the steady pattern of my breath. Which had quickened upon seeing a body in front of my door. I walked cautiously, but the closer I got the more I could make out who it in fact is. I had no guard with me for protection, so if it was anyone of a threat this would indeed be dreadful.

“Jiwon-_sshi_?” He flinched with a harsh lurch, whatever he was holding in his hands fell to the ground. “Is there something that you need?”

He picked whatever had fell up before facing me with this weird look on his features.

‘Not now heart, what are you doing?’, the desperate beating pounded in my ears only stopping to pick up his words before picking up speed.

“You forgot your crown, your highness.” Holding said crown out to me, I took it with careful hands, “You said that you’d cherish it, and I didn’t want it to be forgotten.”

My thumb ran over the barely bloomed flowers with the same fondness that I hold for Hyun, “Thank you, Jiwon-_sshi_.”

Bowing deeply, he left me with a murmured ‘goodnight’ that wedged itself deep into the back of my mind.

I took to bed after hanging my crown upon a nail. The crown giving the room a livelier approach. Its feel taking me into a most peaceful sleep.

Those once steel eyes becoming soft like mud after a soft shower of rain. His once taunting features becoming that gummy smile, and his once nonexistent scent smelling nothing short of a beautiful winter. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, we've started on our descent into the softest shit I'll ever write and it also brings us closer to the wonderful Heavy Angst. So, until next Thursday mes amies!


	7. Yellow Daffodil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A heart on the cusps of love...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm HERE! 
> 
> Uh, there's no real history in this so we'll skip right to the terms and let you guys read the longest chapter to date, yet.
> 
> Korean Term(s):   
....Well, there are no new terms and I think you guys get tired of me repeating the same things over and over again, so let's just get on with the story.
> 
> Oh, read the note at the end, it isn't much but...I don't really know ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯.

Sneaking out before sunrise, I returned at its peak, my mind and heart even more at unease. Not wanting to wake the whole palace with a visit from the doctor, I went to him myself. His look of surprise had become one of amusement upon the explanation that I had bestowed upon him. He checked me over with that same amusement, his hands lightly ghosting over my heart in a comforting manner. I left with words of wisdom rather than a cure to this rapidly beating heart.

“Prince Yunhyeong,” Flinching at the voice in my ear, I glanced over, taking in the appearance of a servant who looked concerned, “are you okay? It’s weird for you to be up and ready before breakfast is even done simmering.”

“Hm, ah, yes, I had a fretful sleep, so I went for some fresh air. Apologies for stripping you of your duties today.” The servant smiled at me, heading shaking in dismissal.

“I’ll bring you some tea and inform the cooks that you’ll be missing breakfast, your highness,” I opened my mouth to disagree having got more than enough sleep the night before, “sleep is important, so that is what is priority at this moment. I’ll have your tea in a moment.”

Thanking her, I watched as she left a mumble of what tea leaves worked together for a good sleep. A heavy sigh left me the moment she had turned the corner, her presence becoming no more than a figment of my mind. Continuing on to my room, the door had given away with ease under the soft palm of my hand, my feet shuffling over the threshold with ease. I cleaned away my bedding before I went on my way, so the floor was relatively empty besides the table I pulled out slightly. There was no real reason to do so, but now with tea on its way it’ll have something to rest upon.

Discarding my outer robes, I made quick work to change into fresh clothing as to not dirty the floor with the energy from outside. The doctor, although close, lived among muddy ground and I’d hate to give the servants more work. Grabbing a book, I sat at the table, my fingers and mind on two different pages with resistance to meet in a place that my mind didn’t deem fit.

“Prince, I brought your tea,” Allowing the servant in, I thanked her with a kind smile saying that she didn’t have to pour my first cup. “Then, I’ll leave you and come back in an hour’s time to collect the dishes.”

She left - leaving me alone to my own devices once more. My hands carefully sat down the book in turn gently picking up the ceramic kettle to fill my cup. I underfilled it not really wanting to sleep but thinking it best to give the allusion that I was heeding her concerns. And with these thoughts, I emptied my first cup.

The sun began its ascent towards its highest peak, the two half cups of tea leaving me more relaxed and on the verge of sleep than I’d care to admit. A soft rapping on the door had me gathering the ceramic kettle and cup upon the tray it was brought on. I opened the door ready to be met with the servant only to come face-to-face with an empty hallway. A harder knock had me head snapping towards the closed panels of the window. They’re usually open by this time, but with this farce I’m trying to uphold, I left them closed.

So, moving the tray out into the hallway, I softly closed the door before turning and making my way towards the window. I flicked the lock upwards, the metal clanging against the wood to alert whoever stood on the other side. It’s rather unconventional and not to mention unheard of that someone would knock upon a royal’s window, let alone my own. A slight push opened the windows, the panels flying with the wind that carried them, allowing me to see the face that made my heart beat out of its confines.

“J-Jiwon-_sshi_?” His nervous, down casted, eyes snapped upwards taking in my confusion.

“I-I heard that you took the morning off to sleep, so I came to see if you’re okay, your highness.” I’m clearly dying, and this is really it – it has to be.

The rush of heat to my face, the rapid beating of my heart, and the conscious thought of ‘how sweet’ forcing a shy smile onto my lips. I tried hard to stop it from forming but it broke through my resistance. Showing him a side of me that I, myself, have no real knowledge of.

He gave me back an equally shy smile, the stray pieces of his hair blowing freely in the breeze around him. The air a warmth that has nothing to do with the weather. It makes me want to lean into it…into him.

“…no…”, what was supposed to be kept inside slipped out causing the other to look at me in swift concern, “ah, no, I mean, I am fine. I had trouble sleeping after all the festivities of day before, so there is no reason to concern yourself with my wellbeing, Jiwon-_sshi_. Although, I can’t help but thank you from depriving yourself of training to check on me, thank y-you.”

“It is a pleasure most amicable to me, your highness.” Slightly bowing his head, I couldn’t help but move in a little closer, my fingers itching to trace over his features. “T-Then, I shall leave you to rest.”

He took a step back without even lifting his head. Body rigid and ready to flee once I gave him proper dismissal.

‘…_would you _care to accompany me on a walk?” The memory of the other’s words had flown out of my mouth as another slip up that had the other looking at me.

I can’t take it back, and I don’t really want to, “Uh, Jiwon-_sshi_, would you care to accompany me on a walk after dinner tonight? I-I’m in debt to your kindness.”

He remained rigid, head stuck in the bow he was holding onto tightly, a light sheen of sweat making those strands stick to his skin. Lips opening and closing before uttering the only reply I thought I’d never need, “I would do it, even if you didn’t ask, Yunhyeong-_gun_.”

I wanted to cry. My senses in overload for whatever unknown reason. I dismissed him before my eyes could water even more. The other fleeing in a glee I’ve never known a solider to possess. It made my stomach flutter and tighten until I closed the window. The lock finding its place once more before I laid in my bedding, the sincerity in his words leaving thick globs of honey in my ears. A sweet sleep given to me in its most welcomed state.

When I awoke sometime later, lunch had already been served and cleaned up leaving me to re-dress and head over to the kitchen. The abundance of petals swirling around my shoes as I walked through the mess we caused last night. A giddiness in my step that completely ignored the feeling of wanting to clean something that’ll naturally find its place once more. I rounded the corner, a smidgen too fast, flying into the open kitchen startling the servants that sat around preparing for the multi-course meal that dinner will be.

“Prince, are you feeling better?” Agreeing with a wide smile, I was quick to ask for something slight as to not ruin myself for dinner. “Sit, I’ll make you something, your highness.”

“Thank you.” Taking the seat, she once occupied, I greeted the other servants indulging them in conversation while I waited.

It was mainly a group of young women besides the few children that sat among them without duty. Their men either servants that did more strenuous work, or soldiers/guards who worked throughout the palace. It warmed my heart to know that they’ve been allowed to stay together as many lose their husbands to things that most have no control over. Their mourning keeping the estate awake with sadness on our hearts.

“Not to pry, your highness, but you’ve had this glow about you since the height of the festival, did something good happen?” Humming, I shook my head because not much has happened, that I know of.

The servant, a young girl around my age and already a child in, has been by myside for as long as I could remember. The two of us playing together heavily before Hyun’s birth, then we were forced into the molds of our roles. The two of us only speaking in passing as the years have gone by, “What makes you think so?”

“Well, the smile on your face and the skip in your step is a big indicator, your highness.” Rubbing my neck, I tried to play it off because this sudden burst of happiness is peculiar even to me. “Is it one of the ladies from the visiting regions?”

The thought of the long rows of tables from dinner and the many families among them hadn’t left me with any vivid memory. My mind more focused on my impending death than the daughters of those of high status. Although, I’m sure the King has gotten a good look and is making his mental pickings. The families will be here for a few more days and I’ll surely have to meet them, the dinner tonight being a time where I can actually look deeply. Not that I worry much to do so.

With nothing to say, they ran about making their own assumptions that’ll surely turn into light jesting and worrying gossip. But, it isn’t anything that I can’t handle. This is something easy to dispel.

“Girls,” The voice of the head chef, the one whose seat I’m currently perched on, came over with a small table and a raised eyebrow, “we have to feed many, so stop gossiping with Prince Yunhyeong and go peel and chop vegetables.”

A loud groan rang from the youngest child to the second oldest adult. Their bodies unwillingly moving back to their tasks. Large bags of produce making themselves known as they went about with knives peeling and chopping. Giving her a grateful smile, I stood taking the table with word of bringing it back and taking myself towards the porch right around the corner I sat in solitude. The sun shining upon me in the warmest of hugs. Another small smile adorning my face.

I ate small pieces of food, my chopsticks hitting the table more than they clanked against the dishes. The sound lulling me into a daydream of odd shadows and unrecognizable faces. A smile ever present throughout.

“Yunhyeong-_gun_, is the food not to your liking?” Recoiling out of my mind, the sight of the Queen had me instantly bowing in greeting.

“Uh, no – I mean, yes it is to my liking, _mama_. I’m not all that hungry is all.” Why do I keep stumbling over my speech?

Coming closer to me, she perched herself on the other side of the table, her hanbok fluttering around her before settling in folds around her lap, “I was told of your absence from breakfast and lunch, is something the matter?”

“Ah, no, no, I’m fine, _Mama_, I promise.” Her face leaned in slightly closer as if to whisper to me, so I leaned in as well.

“You can bestow upon me whatever worries that you may carry. I’ll not judge nor will I tell a soul, and that is a promise I’m only willing to make to you, my prince.”

“W-Why would you do something like that for me, a lowly prince without much aspiration?” A kindness only given to those upmost deserving, had taken over her, words reaching me in a way that I’ve never had.

“A prince low in the ranks, yes that is what you are, but without much aspiration is something that you can never not have. You might not reach for the throne, and that is more than okay, you don’t need to. Who you are on the inside has brought upon you the aspiration to connect with those who other nobles shun and look down upon. You are an aspiration yourself and once you realize that, rank and status are nothing more than words written on paper.” That feeling of wanting to cry and spill everything out had returned tightening my throat until I forced water down it. “Plus, I find myself in you and that goes beyond appearances, so it’s only right for me to care for those who share a similar spirit.”

Her words sunk and they sunk deep, and although I can’t say I truly understand what she’s speaking on, or more so about, I still took it in. It’ll help me understand what I couldn’t at a later moment, surely. And the fact that she’s willing to listen when she doesn’t have to is something I’m greatly appreciative of.

“I-There is a person whose appearance makes my heart beat out of its confines,” I spoke slowly trying to understand what I’m saying so that it makes sense to her, “and this morning, they hath visited me and inquired about my absence from breakfast.” She hummed in understanding allowing me to continue without saying anything. “Um, uh, they make me feel weird, I suppose. Like there’s a warmth around them that isn’t around anyone else, and when I snuck to the doctor in the wee hours before sunrise, I left with more concerns than answers.”

“What did the doctor tell you, Yunhyeong-_gun_?”

“He said that what my mind doesn’t comprehend, my body and heart does. He also stated that my answers do not rely in medicine or death and instead what has been in front of my eyes for a while now. I have to apologize, but I have no idea what he means. Am I close to death or am I not?” Exasperation filled me, my hands holding onto my head in an even deeper puzzlement than what I was in when I first heard such words.

A small giggle caught me, reeling me back into the one who sat across from me. Her delicate and nimble fingers covering her mouth in way that some might consider unbefitting, although on her it looked charming.

“Yunhyeong-_gun_, would you mind repeating your earlier concern but this time in a way that you’d understand?” Cocking my eyebrow, I agree trying to remember the words that had left my lips only a moment before.

“There is a person whose appearance makes my h-heart b-beat…there is a person who makes my heartbeat…there is a person my heart beats for…” The realization to unbeknown confession cornered me until I understood. “They make me feel weird…they make me feel warm…what does this exactly mean, _mama_?”

“It means that you are on the cusps of love, my sweet prince.” A choked sob crawled its way up and out of my throat making me scramble to run away.

The Queen, the food, everything – it had been forgotten as I ran away with a speed I haven’t take since I was a child. I busted into my room, the door banging against its holding before I slammed it shut once more. The latch clicking to give me a piece of mind I needed like no one would ever know.

The cusps of love? I surely can’t be! This is the process to death – there is no such thing as love. I mean, I can’t experience such a thing! I’ll surely be married off in a year or so with the families arrival for the festival. I won’t love because it’ll be pointless, especially when it’s my own love. I’ll only fall for my future wife, and even if we don’t fall in love, then that’s fine. It’s my duty to serve the betterment of my kingdom, not to be on the cusps of such a thing as love.

I can’t…I surely can’t.

Pushing myself into a corner, my hands accidently hit the wall too hard knocking the flower crown onto the ground. The other’s words reminding me of my promise to cherish it, smacking my head. As did the many memories we’ve shared in the passing time we’ve known of one another. Or more so of my knowing of his existence, the other already being among the palace grounds for three months before I even knew his name.

M-Maybe this is Karma for skipping out on a few lessons when I was a child? Karma tends to strike whenever it so fits, so this surely has to be it. Because…love? I have never even liked anything more than I should in my entire life! I’ve never even liked another person on a level of romantic interest, so this surely has to be a hoax. It’s wrong, wrong, and more wrong. I think it best o not speak on such things with others anymore as they clearly have no clue what they’re talking about.

Taking a few deep breathes, I forced air into my lungs as they were suddenly having a shortage. Slowly, but surely, I found myself once more, the flower crown clutched against my chest in hands that threatened to crush it. My spirit finding itself back to me, and when it did I slumped against the floor in distress. The want to eat no more nor was the want to go on the walk I wanted to venture on. If there is a hole, I’d kindly like to throw myself into it and leave such trouble behind.

A heavy knock on my door forced me to sit up, my mind coming out of its stupor to go and see who had exactly come for me. From its strength, it obviously wasn’t a servant or an advisor, leaving me with two few choices that I’m not so keen on being in front of at the moment. Although, the choice isn’t mine to have. So, making my way to the door, I unhooked the latch and opened the door coming face-to-face with The King, his eyebrow raised, and head tilted in a way I haven’t seen since our younger days.

“Your Highness,” Dropping down into a deep bow, he released this confused sound before allowing me to stand once more, “what do I owe this visit, your highness?”

“Sunjeong, informed me that you haven’t been feeling so well as of late and I came to check on you, Yunhyeong-_gun_. May I?” Getting that he wanted to come inside, I quickly moved out of the way putting the flower crown back on the hook it once hung on. “Come and sit. I think there is something you wish to say?”

He moved around my chambers, fingers quick and light as he opened the locked windows bringing in the breeze. The dark pink and orange hues among the mountain peaks showing that the sun is making its descent for the moon to ascend in its place. I sat next to the window waiting on him to sit as well, and once he did, his eyes were only focused out on the scenery. I suppose this is his way of giving me room to speak.

“There is nothing wrong, your highness. I’ve just been having trouble lately rearing my head, that is all.” It would be absolutely scandalous for me to speak on matters of the heart to him.

And, yes, we’re of the same linage but that does not equate to us being close, or “siblings”. By the time I could memorize my position, he was already embarked on the journey of adulthood, his coming-of-age sweeping him closer to the throne. The other siblings between us spent majority of their time worry about themselves as they didn’t show much care for me besides the sporadic coddling that came from the princess before their departure from the palace. Plus, with only the three of us, Hyung, Hyun and I, left in the palace with completely different dues and duties, it left no room for us to become anymore than what we are now.

Whatever it is that we are.

“Do you care to elaborate on this trouble?” An open and closing of my mouth resulted in me huffing in answer. “Do you doubt your King?”

“N-No, no, I have full trust in you, your highness, I just feel that I should sort this out myself before bringing it forth to a higher power. I’m sorry to disrespect your willingness to listen.” Dropping my head in submission, he sighed, eyes finally looking at me before doing something he’s never done.

He placed his heavy hand upon the nape of my neck, hand moving back and forth, then drawing down to pat my shoulder. It stunned me. My skin tingling as if I had been bitten by an animal with no way out. The look on his face when I lifted my head throwing me further away from what I’m used to.

“It seems as though you are not the infant I held in my arms right after birth anymore.” The look was fatherlier than any of the ones the _sangwang_, my actual father, has ever shown me. “I’ll leave you then to sort out your thoughts, but I’ll always lend an ear for you, my dear prince.”

Acknowledging his words, he stood his form towering over me in the many ways that I once remembered, “Now, I must go as there is business I need to attend to before dinner. Are you going to join, or should I send it to your room?”

Worrying my bottom lip, the thought of being around those who I need to impress left me feeling even worse, “My room, please.”

“There is nothing in this world that should leave you in the mud. Follow your heart and let your head follow you, Yunhyeong-_ah_.” The informal speech and the care behind his words had me watching his leaving figure with a blush upon the apple’s of my cheeks.

The closing of my door signified that I was alone once more. The wind running over my face to dry the tears that I desperately wanted to part with. Why has this life suddenly left me in turmoil? Should I do as I’m told and follow this rapidly beating heart? Or should I continue to wallow in this pity that I’ve given to myself for a future I’ll never have? Why are there so many questions and so little answers?

I wish I can rest these problems away. I want, no, I don’t know what I want.

Dinner came and passed with my head further away from my heart than it already is. I picked at my food until less than half of it had disappeared. My eyes focused solely on the sky that had covered us in a blanket of pure black. Not a star nor the moon – it’s just black. Is the rest of the world feeling what I’m feeling, or am I alone in this trouble?

“Your highness?” Snapping from my thoughts, I took in the shadow on the other side of my door, the silhouette something more familiar than I’d ever admit. “A-Are you ready for o-our walk?”

I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t stop myself, “Jiwon-_sshi_, would you care to venture inside?”

Fear filled me at the deep silence that accompanied my question. Although, it didn’t last long, the door shakily opening to reveal the other who looked around in confusion. Waving him over to where I was stuck by the window, he closed the door softly before kneeling across from me causing me to shake my head.

“Come and sit with me, will you?” His body continued to stutter leaving my heart to do the same until he had sat next to me.

He was more than stiff as expected. It isn’t unheard of for guards to be called into the chambers of those they serve, but it also wasn’t a good thing. It brought about whispers of treachery and infidelity, and even if that isn’t the case, that gossip is sure to ruin ones standing.

“Are you still feeling unwell, your highness?” I shrugged as this feeling has now become numb to me. “Should I go fetch the doctor?”

“N-No, I’ve already took to him and he says nothing is wrong. Thank you once more for your concern.”

Although numb, I couldn’t help but feel shy in a way. His eyes never left me, watching my every move until he memorized them, and when I turned to look at him, they stayed right where they were. I wanted to look away and hide. But the thoughts that I met these eyes many times in my dreams kept me still, my eyes locked deep with his own. I took in every last feature until they had stored themselves into the back of my mind. A constant reminder that this isn’t the first time I’ve looked towards him. That this is the moment that I realized that the Queen is right.

I yearn for him. I want to experience things that I haven’t with him, and if this is being on the cusps of love, then I am already falling over the line. I can’t crawl my way out nor do I want to.

How can one fall over such simple gestures? He hasn’t gone out of his way to court me nor has he even attempted to woo me but here I am falling in l-love. Am I such an easy soul to do such a thing? I clearly must be.

“You have a few loose hairs -,” I jumped back at the feeling of his fingers brushing away the hairs only to lean back in so that he can tuck them away. “…did you sleep well?”

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I leaned forward even more wanting to close some of the distance between us. The other seemingly too far away for my heart’s taste. I-I’m going to follow my heart on the words of the King. I’m going to fall in love with this man who might not ever love me back. But that’s okay because even if these feelings never come to fruition, I can at least say I’ve experienced the greatest feeling known to man.

“If I say no, can I lay upon your shoulder for a moment?” A shy smile of his own was all the answer I needed, my body leaning forward until my forehead rested against the strong bone of his shoulder. “Do you reach for the impossible, Jiwon-_sshi_?”

“Currently, I am, your highness.” Humming to mask my surprise, I shifted around until my eyes rested upon his throat, the sight of hidden scaring showing itself to me.

“Would you care to tell me what it is?” Those of a lower rank tend to reach for fortune and finer clothing, so it’ll be no surprise when he speaks of them.

“It’s more so a person than a thing, but it seems that what I reach for isn’t so impossible after all.”

Is what he reaches for me? No, I’m getting unusual hopes to rise when I’m sure he’s speaking on a servant or on one of the visiting families daughters. There is no way that he could be speaking on a person such as myself.

“How do you fair so?” Closing my eyes, the comfort of the other seemed to take me away; the energy of it carrying me towards a sleep that I wasn’t ready for yet.

“Because it seems as though all of my wishes have been being answered as of lately.” A sharp inhale of breath had my mind hazing as it pulled me into the darkness that I knew. “…because he’s finally calling out to me, like how I’ve always called out to him…my beautiful prince…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, we got a little bit of Bobby's feelings and although in the future we'll be getting deeper into him as well as the sap and angst, I just wanted to give him a little something so that it doesn't take too much away from him. Also, they are definitely going on that walk...and many more, but I keep delaying it as I don't want to jump immediately into what I want to happen on said walk, but it will probably come before chapter 10, I hope. 
> 
> I actually started writing this with no set chapter count, but I'm certainly going to keep writing until i get to the ending in my own mind. I already went through all the emotions of it, so I can't let such an ending go to waste. 
> 
> And if you didn't notice, I finally gave the Queen a name after like what five chapters? Well, it'll play into later chapters so better now than never, right? 
> 
> Ummmmmm....well let the season of love continue and I'll see you next Thursday. 
> 
> Leave a comment, if you want to speak on anything, and subscribe to not miss any updates, or whatever you want to do - no pressure.


	8. Yellow Rose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wishful...hopeful...thinking...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, I've been extremely busy with school and work. I've been working on this in between everything but it isn't as long as I like it nor is it to where exactly I initially wanted it to be. but that's okay as the next chapter will be the ready killer? Anyway, we'll be having some walking and talking going on next chapter, if you catch my drift. 
> 
> There's no new terms or anything like that, so I'm just not going to even bother writing them out. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this little filler (that'll probably have some future impact, who knows?) and I'll see you next week!

I awoke alone. My body swaddle in the bedding that I had forgotten to lay out in my confusion. The faint remains of a light kiss tingling my forehead and cheeks. A soft pink hue tinting my body at the possibility of the other leaving it. Although, it could possibly being my mind playing tricks on me. I would give myself ten times over for such a possibility to become true. Sadly, it is only my barren thinking that will surely get me nowhere.

With this sad realization, I dragged myself from the bedding and towards the window, taking the servants job once more. It was barely light. The sun still hidden behind the mountain peaks coloring the sky with hues of yellow and orange as it broke through the darkness once confining it. The sight brought a smile to my face, and as the door opened revealing those who always get me ready, I relayed the delight to them. Confusion covering their features before I was being rushed into the bath as they told me of an extensive schedule I have no prior knowledge of.

By the time they were done, my body was now wrapped in robes way nicer than any of the ones I’ve ever been dressed in. The material, a fine silk, that felt like a smooth spread of honey and the morning chirp of blue birds. It lit an even brighter flame underneath my curiosity. I was dragged from my room and through the halls until I came upon the clearing that led to a section of the field that we had reserved for bigger events that required a fancier setting.

And in the middle was a round table and two cushions directly across from each other.

I was sat among the oddly placed setting. My bottom perched upon one cushion while the other sat in wait for its temporary owner to take it.

“Prince Yunhyeong, we’ll bring breakfast out in a moment,” All I could do is nod, which sent the whole group on their way as they disappeared into one of the doors that lead to a hallway behind the kitchen.

It made the trip easier on them and brought out food faster.

Glancing around, I couldn’t help but noticed the quietness of the morning air. Not a bird nor a bug made a sound leaving it all to the rustling of the wind in the flowers and leaves. Something twisted in my stomach making me drop my head to watch my hands play with themselves. The oil massaged into them had caused them to soften to the point that they slipped against each other smoothly. It wasn’t an unusual sight, but it was one that wasn’t seen often. The oil I usually used only moisturizing my skin and nothing else.

“Your Highness?” At the small voice, my head snapped over to see one of the daughters from these past festivities.

Scrambling to stand, I greeted her with a force of gusto that I never knew I possessed, “My lady, what do I owe this visit?” Her name was foreign to me, although I can clearly remember that she sat across from me at dinner the night before last.

She stayed silent as she was taught. It never being a lady’s place to speak among men unless spoken to, which had her face twitching whenever she wanted to speak. I took it as an allergy of some sort, but after thinking on it more, I knew that she was an intelligent being. So, I’ll surely treat her as such.

“The King sent for me. He said that he’d appreciate my presence this morning, your highness.” Oh, it seems as though my earlier worries are finally here.

“Then if you may take a seat, breakfast will be with us shortly, my lady.” I kept my eyes down on my hands as she sat trying to find the appropriate words to say. “H-How have you been enjoying your stay s far?”

“It has been most gracious, your highness. I’m sad to depart with it once the sun rises once more.”

“I’m glad that you’ve come to see our kingdom in its best light, and I am sure that it is sad to see you go as well.” Covering her mouth, she laughed into her palms, the sound one that caught ones attention.

“Do not fret then, as I am sure to come during the next festival. It was undeniably beautiful, your highness.” Her eyes wandered around the fields and into the trees where the unknown lays, a soft look covering her features.

I should at least indulge as the kingdom has deemed fit for me to do so, “As are you, my lady.”

Taking her in features, she reminded me of a ceramic doll. Pale, moon colored, skin; thin pink painted lips; dark eyes, and hair that’s been perfectly pinned in place. Even her clothing seemed stuck to her in the most elegant way possible. Even with her beauty, she looked rather uncomfortable with the garments that were surely too much. We resembled one another immensely.

Breakfast came out faster than I would have expected, the table being filled with foods that I haven’t seen in a while. This is clearly what I think it to be. It’s an unofficial engagement pre-meeting. Obviously, there is no engagement, yet, but this could possibly lead to one. With the King putting such a thing together that is.

I-I don’t think I want this anymore. I’ve been waiting majority of my whole life for this moment. To be able to feast my eyes upon the lady I’ll spend the rest of my life with…it’s been an upmost excellent dream. Now, that it’s here, it feels like the timing is all wrong. She is, unintentionally, all wrong. Her beauty and seemingly charming nature will be something I’ll surely always see in her, but I can’t push myself to take the steps required for us to be more than the children of nobles.

It doesn’t even sadden me how it should.

Motioning for her to eat first, I watched with feigned interest as she picked and chose which sides she wanted with her rice. The sound of her chopsticks almost nonexistent. She’s holding herself back it seems.

“Is the food to your liking, my lady?” A small nod and smile was the only confirmation that I needed to begin eating myself.

I followed behind her with light eating. The air around us filled with the wind and the shuffling of leaves. Silence has never felt so heavy as it has now.

A clearing of her throat caught my attention, eyes looking up from my bowl of soup to see that she was looking towards me, “Um, what do you like to do for fun, your highness?” Her words were barely above a whisper.

“_Not to be rude, your highness, but do you do anything other than study?_” At her question the other’s voice filtered through my ears making me hold back a small blush.

“I-I…” Trying to think of something, I stumbled over one syllable until I divulged something out, “I like to read poetry? How about you, my lady?”

“Ah, I like to ride horses,” That is something very new. “I know it isn’t really lady-like for someone of my standing, but I find a thrill in it that I’ve never had before.” Her features became almost dreamlike as she thought of her experiences. “B-But, poetry is w-wonderful as well.”

“You don’t have to force yourself, my lady, I know that reading isn’t at the top of everyone’s list.” Heaving a sigh, I place my sticks down with a gentle click. “Do you mind if I confide in you for a moment?”

“I do not mind at all, your highness.”

“I don’t really think I like reading all that much anymore, if I am to be honest. I’ll always love the intricate swirls of writing on paper, but it has held me back from experiencing the many pleasures that life has to offer.” My eyebrows pulled themselves down without warning, revealing my feelings little by little. “I can’t even remember the last time I’ve sat upon the saddle of a horse or ventured further than the main road in front of the palace.”

“Do you long to see the world, your highness?”

“Please, call me Yunhyeong-_sshi_, we’re the same age correct?”

“I’m actually a year younger, but I’ll hold you to your sentiment, Yunhyeong-_sshi_.” It was the first laugh I’ve given in a few days and the fact that it’s towards something so silly, made my heart feel lighter.

We continued to talk, time ticking by as we spoke of a lot of things that I never knew I could speak on. She cracked open a door in my mind that flooded me with memories I’ve long since forgotten. It made the air warmer and brought onlookers who couldn’t believe that we’d laugh in a such a manner. And, of course, it brought the stiff figure of the one who had tucked me to bed last night.

His gaze was intense. So intense that it had my head turning to meet the fire that rested in his eyes.

A sincere smile came across my features as I greeted him only for this weird look to come over his features. His head slightly tilting back to looked over us. It was as if the scene was beneath him, and it made me feel a little sad. He lingered a few seconds more, fist lightly clenched before turning on his heels and disappearing around the palace. The handle of his sword sticking close to him as if sensing that he was going to be using it soon.

Did I do something wrong?

We ended our meeting with well wishes. The other needing to buy souvenirs for those she had promised them too. With her servant rushing to greet her, I headed towards my chambers to change out of these robes that made me feel even hotter than before. I barely took a step over the threshold before my arm was being grabbed, my body being dragged inside of my chamber as the door slid closed behind me and whoever.

Turning, I took in Jiwon, whose face is still set in the same expression I saw of him last, “Have you lost your mind?” The tightness of his short grip burned itself deep into my skin until it embedded in the bone.

He slammed the door behind him without answering my question. Am I going crazy or is this man doing as he pleases without any care to for me?

It didn’t take long for him to return, this time visibly more calmed than he was a second ago. He stepped towards me; his body leant forward as he lowered himself down upon his knees. The sound of his weapons clanking against the wooden flooring harshly. I took a step back wanting to find out what caused such a switch to flick without a second of delay.

“My deepest apologies, it seems that I’ve momentarily lost myself, your highness. Please forgive me.” Bowing his head, deeply, it touched the floor making me scramble to kneel as well.

My arms flinging away the heavy outer robes that helped me on my descent down. Once considerably lighter, I took ahold of the sides of his head as to not mess up the neatly done hairstyle. It’s the first time I’ve ever seen it, and without the strands of hair blocking pieces of his face, it brought to life the features I’m continuously falling deeper for. Lifting his head, he came up without any resistance, our eyes finding one another immediately. His eyes flashed with many different emotions before the softened. The steel eyes that I once knew had found themselves another light and it seemed to be shining upon me.

I-Is he the s-same? Does he feel the same as me?

“Prove that you are sincere, then I’ll forget such a thing has ever happened.” What am I talking about?

I’m clearly losing my m- the rough feeling of chapped lips pressed against my own, stunned me into a mental silence.

The pressing of his lips against my own was a rather short event. The other pulling away too quickly for me to actually understand what’s fully going on.

“Is there anything left for me to prove, Yunhyeong-_gun_?” Slowly shaking my head, I feel from my knees on off onto my behind, my mind spinning with a million answers to only one question. “Then, I’ll pardon myself.”

Leaving me alone, once more, I found a deep blush that covered me from head to toe. My face and every inch of my body warmer than it’s ever been before. My heart pounding loudly in my ears as I can hear my blood pumping through my veins for the first time in my life. With nothing to really do or say, I fell over among the pile of robes, their heat warming me even more.

I-I think it’s safe to say that he fancies me as well. But, that’ll clearly be a rash judgment as he could also only be doing what he sees fit in this situation. Who knows how many people he kisses, royalty and noblemen included.

Wishful thinking, Yunhyeong, wishful hoping. 


	9. Ambrosia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A shared love...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, we have made it to the long awaited confession and from here the seed planted blossoms until I wither it. 
> 
> Not much history or new terms, I'm really only looking into things as I go along, so I'll inform you guys when there's anything that needs to be relayed. But for now, enjoy and tell me how you're feeling.

The kiss stuck with me all night and into the early sunrise. My head in clouds too high for me to shake away. My body having to continue on with my typical morning without my head making any susceptible decisions. And as I sat, eating my breakfast in a quiet mental state, I felt the tingle with every last bite. My heart beating rapidly the whole time.

As breakfast was coming to an end, I caught sight of the other. His quiet form hovering by the door at his post. It seems as though; they plan to station him among the home for the time being. It brings me silly thoughts that I shake awake with a few flicks of my head. My hands hurriedly tucking away the strands that fell from my topknot with the motion.

Yes, he kissed me, but that doesn’t mean anything, right? I’m clearly projecting my own selfish interests onto him. It’s kind of uncanny of me to be so forward. Who even am I anymore?

“Yunhyeong-_gun_?” Lifting my head from my empty bowl of rice, I caught the eyes of an advisor in the Queen’s court, his eyes relaying a message that didn’t need words.

A curt nod was my answer, and stood with that, excusing himself from the table to start his workday. I soon followed after, my legs carrying me along a familiar route until I came upon the room adjacent to the royal chamber. I knocked softly twice; a hum being returned as a signal to come inside. Once over the door threshold, I gave her a soft smile as I took in her impeccable appearance, the part in the middle of her hair making her look her age. The clips of intricate braids aged her to look more mature for her role, but the her in front of me now couldn’t even be rivaled.

I wonder if this is how Hyung feels every time he gazes upon her bare visage.

“You called for me, _mama_?” Motioning for me to sit across from her, she held onto the kindness that the ancestors have bestowed upon her.

“Are you okay, my prince? I haven’t gotten the chance to check on you since our last talk, so I’ve been worried.”

“Ah, I’m fine, your highness…” Worrying my bottom lip, the taste of this morning’s soup still lingered, “…just trying to figure myself out, that’s all. Thank you for your concern.” Dropping my head in a slight bow, she reached out, her hands grabbing my own in comfort.

“Is it as I said, Yunhyeong-_ah_?” The sudden use of informal language that people are bestowing upon me made my heart feel even weirder.

“Yes, it is as you said, _mama_.”

The look she gave me was one I would never expect. The lighting of her features making her seem even younger. I can practically hear her heart pausing in anticipation. It in turn making my breathing slightly on the shallow side once more.

“Have you told said person?” Shaking my head, I held back my gasp of surprise as she is even more straight forward than my wildest thoughts. “Do you think they’ll recuperate your feelings?”

The upward motion of my shoulders happened before my mind could even follow it. The fact that I have no clue other than his promise of being sincere that he sealed with a kiss. If that can even be called a promise and kiss? I had no clue as to how this thing called love works, although if it includes all this doubt then it must be true.

“If it isn’t too much of an infringe on your mind, would you care to tell me who this mystery person is?” A child’s hopefulness and the racing mind of a fast thinker is all she has been.

It’s refreshingly charming.

“That would be too scandalous, your highness. I couldn’t risk such humiliation to befall upon the family and myself. Although, I have promised myself to love him without recuperation.”

“So, it is a man that you have fancied yourself with?” Raising my eyebrow at her speculation, I recalled my words only to slap a hand over my mouth at my blatant slip up. “No worries, Yunhyeong-_ah_, such a trivial thing holds no weight to me. As long as you’re happy and he makes you as such, then such a thing as sex has no qualms to me.” Thankfulness showed itself in my eyes and in the smile hidden behind my fingers, her support calming the fearfulness inside of me. “You still have to tell me his name, or else, I’ll send you horse riding without a saddle.”

Her jesting made me wince as the feeling is one that no one wants to experience. The chafing and soreness of one’s lower regions leaving them bedridden for longer than one could imagine.

“Okay, okay, his name is kimjiwon.” A small rushed whisper of his name flew from my lips, her ears turning pink with strain to be able to hear what I just spoke. 

Her eyes flicked around rapidly trying to make sense of what she had caught, although, evidently not much, “Kim who? Is he from the Kim Household?”

“H-He is employed among the palace grounds.” That seemed to make more sense to her than me coddling with the son of an outside family. “…and his name is KIM J-Jiwon-_sshi_. He’s a guard.”

Throwing it all out into her lap, the flinching upwards movement of her lips gave me all I needed to know. She’s more than happy for me, which in itself is vaguely unsettling. I’ve never had anyone be this happy over anything I’ve done. Even when I passed the civil servant exam right after my coming-of-age, all I got was a sturdy pat to my back and a pile of documents that needed to be gone over.

I know she said she sees herself in me, but this is still something to get used to.

“The guard that spoke of her admiration for you when I’ve first come?” Sputtering, I couldn’t grasp the fact that she thinks he holds any type of ‘admiration’ for me – I mean, he doesn’t, right? “My silly prince, he has lain his cards out and you are choosing to pick up only one and walk away. Don’t bring upon yourself unneeded pain.”

My mind traveled back to the bits and pieces of the conversation among the two guards that warned me of Joo Household’s Young Master’s timely visit.

“_A beauty indeed, but not as beautiful as he._”

“_…nothing will come out of this interest…_”

I knew the conversation was surrounding me, but I hath not taken his wordage into account. He has been interested in me and had already took it upon himself to lay that interest to rest. So, he must not be interested anymore, correct? Or is it a friendly interest? I have no idea anymore.

“Your face is as red as a ripe tomato in the garden.” A tiny giggle slipped past her lips catching my attention. “What has you as so?”

“H-He called me b-beautiful and I haven’t notice until this moment.”

“Well, his sight is as clear as crystals” My blush deepened making the pounding of my heart flood its way into my ear drums.

A knock on the door and a head peeking in, ended our conversation. Her face returning to its neutral stoic façade as I hid my face wishing my blush away. The color taking what seemed like forever to leave my face. They spoke words I ignored, and the door closed once more leaving us somewhat alone. Bodies lining the hall in wait for her showing themselves through the door, even in their stillness.

“I have a meeting to attend to, so I won’t keep you any longer, Yunhyeong-_gun_.” I stood first, offering my hand to her which she took graciously. “Call upon me with any concerns you wish to understand.”

“Thank you, _mama_, your wisdom is much appreciated. I hope your meeting goes well.” We stepped out into the hallway, the bodies presenting themselves to encase her in their protection. “This is where I’ll be taking my leave, your highness.”

Bowing to her deeper than I did before, I excused myself with a quick smile, my heels digging into the wooden flooring in my haste. I flew around the corner, my body crashing harshly into the solid body of whoever I had run into. I fell back, my legs giving out a tad as I stumbled to get my balance back.

“Are you okay, your highness?” The voice registered immediately, my head snapping up to catch the look of concern I continuously etched onto his features. “Did you hurt yourself?”

“No, no, I’m fine, Jiwon-_sshi_.” Being quick to wash away his worry and doubt, I stood up straight, even doing a small spin to show that my body is fine. “Um, actually, I wanted to see if we can make up for the walk that we continuously miss, if you have no duties to attend to, that is.”

“Yes, I would love for us to finally be able to achieve this, your highness.” A shy smile came over his face making me return it. “I have a few duties that need my attention this morning, but I’ll be sure to find you once I’m done. If that is okay with you, Yunhyeong-_gun_?”

“That is more than okay with me, my loyal guard.” At the endearment added to his status, he leaned close to me, my eyes closing at the thought of the other kissing me, again.

Instead, he stopped short of my face, our noses ticking one another as the wind blew through the smallest of spaces between them, “Then, I shall keep you to your word this time, my dear prince.” And, he disappeared as if he was never here to begin with, my eyes opening in a newfound excitement.

My body moving towards the study to bid my time with my normal reading of poetry.

It was after lunch when we met once more. The other stumbling down the porch by the window I sat against reading. Soft hands ran over my arm causing my elbow to slip from under me in surprise as it had come out of nowhere. Turning on the other, he gave me this wide smile, eyes lighting up along with my own as he leaned in closer. His lips brushing against my ear making my shoulders scrunch before I released them. Relaxing more in his slight embrace than I ever thought I would.

“Are you ready for our walk, your highness?” Nodding, I stood cleaning up my area, his eyes following my every move.

The books went back to their spots along with the cushions that I rested upon. The many items being stacked and pushed back into their places until I was content with how it looked. Once everything was back in its proper place, I hurriedly left the study, meeting the other at the door. He welcomed me with an even wider grin, his hand reaching out to steady me as I tripped over my outer robe trying to not keep him waiting.

I’ve never been in such a hurry in my life, and he’s standing right in front of me.

Fixing me up straight, he smoothed out my robes to the best of his ability, “So, where are we starting, my loyal guard?”

“I was thinking we could smell the flowers to begin with, your highness.” Agreeing with his plan, as he must have plan this out a while ago.

Leaving the premises of the palace, we entered the fields walking until we made it to the fields of flowers that were more vibrant than they’d ever been before. We slowed down at the edge of the flowers, our legs carrying us slowly as we breathed in the mix of fragrances and took in the sight in front of us. This has only just begun, and I already feel as if nothing could be better.

We didn’t really speak, the silence holding back our words and leaving them as thoughts. It’s more so timid in nature. Our eyes playing with each other as we kept trying to avoid eye contact. Timid smiles growing wider with each contact that we knew was made but pretended that it wasn’t. He even opened and closed his mouth a few times as if wanting to say something and deciding now wouldn’t be the time to do. So, I took it upon myself to led us into a conversation.

We should speak on what exactly is going between us, even if there isn’t anything for him, “Is there anything you wish to speak on, Jiwon-_sshi_?”

“I’ve already apologized for my behavior yesterday, although it has come to my attention that I was acting on an emotion that I’ve never experienced before.” He tilted his head before halting his steps, body turning towards my own. “After speaking with an acquaintance of mine, it seems as though I was jealous at the sight of seeing you and that girl together and laughing.”

‘That girl’ it can be said that he still feels a way about her. It’s lovable on him.

“Ah, is that so, Jiwon-_sshi_?” Lightly teasing him, he shook his head as if what he said wasn’t a big deal. “Will you throw a tantrum if we’re to marry?”

His eyes gone back to the hardness that I knew of – it made tingles run down my spine in continuous streams, “I’d stop the wedding before it even happens, your highness.”

“And, why would you do such a thing?” Crouching down, I plucked playfully at a few petals not expecting such a tone or an answer. “Shouldn’t you be wishing for my eternal happiness?”

“Is your happiness truly eternal if it isn’t with me?” He crouched beside me, sincerity filling him as he pulled a flower from its roots and handing it to me.

“Meaning?”

“You should be spending the rest of your life by my side, Yunhyeong-_ah_, for I am the only one who truly knows what loving you is.” Dusting the dirt and snapping the roots off the end of the flower, he stuck it behind me ear, fingers traveling along my neck with intent.

I turned away from him, not wanting him to see how much of an effect he has on me. His sentiment too much for my poor heart – it not knowing what to do with this sudden realization.

“D-Do you l-love me, Jiwon-_ah_?” His straightforwardness led to my own causing me to blurt out my inner thoughts.

“It’s more than love, my dear prince. I yearn for you at every moment of the day, even the sight of you sets my heart ablaze like one would never know.” I can’t help but love the look of his smiling face. “From the first moment, I saw you I knew that you’d be the one I lay my life down for. I knew that you’d be the only one I’d ever give my heart to; your kindness and pureness pull me even closer to you. Your energy drawing me in until I can’t breathe anymore.”

He left me as speechless as he felt breathless, my mind jumbling itself until it knotted too tightly before releasing itself. My stomach flipped and fluttered; my heart no longer beating as I tried to catch up with the speed he was running at.

His confession took me to the moon and back.

“Not to sound disrespectful, your highness, but your eyes haven’t left me since a while back. I can’t help but wonder if you feel the same?” Blinking a few times, I wanted to say it – I’m going to say it, sometime soon, I hope. “I know that such a thing is quite heinous, but I don’t know if I can carry on without the answer my heart so desires.”

It’s on the tip of my tongue – “_I yearn for you as well_” – the very tip waiting to fall.

But, with the intensity of his waiting stare all it prompted me to do is nod, a bright smile accompanying it.

And with that came another press of his chapped lips against my own. The pressure more than it was yesterday. His love pouring into it as he held onto my neck, holding onto me so that it didn’t lose its passion. My inexperienced lips trying to follow the movement of his own only to mess up the tempo before giving up and letting him lead. His experience sucking me into him until we both lost all the air in our lungs. The burn from it more pleasure than pain.

I broke away first, his lips chasing my own only for me to stop him with three fingers. The feeling of his smile against my skin making me smile for what felt like the millionth time since the sun had hit its peak.

“Who knew this loyal guard of mine was such a brute? He’s trying to devour his highness.”

“It seems as though I can’t control myself around you anymore, my prince.” Slightly shaking my head, he moved away from me, fingers lightly tracing my knee before a throat was being cleared.

“I was looking for you, your highness, I didn’t think I’d find you in a flower bed with a guard.” Heo Mok’s voice sounded more surprised than accusatory making me breathe out a sigh of relief.

“Ah, I’m sorry for causing you so much trouble, we were just picking out flowers for her highness. Isn’t this flower lovely?” Pointing a hand towards the __ flower that rested nicely upon my ear, I waited in anticipation as his answer would surely led me only on two paths.

One, I say I’m ready for and one, I can only hope for.

“It is indeed lovely and I’m sure her highness will truly appreciate it, but for now, we have things to discuss.”

“Then lead and I shall follow, Heo Mok-_sshi_” The raise of his eyebrow had me dusting pollen from my knees, a nervous smiling making it’s way onto my face. “It’ll only take a moment. I have to send my guard off with a few words, if you don’t mind.”

“I’ll be over here then, your highness.” He moved away from us a few feet, his presence making itself a permanent fixture until we were done.

So, with time not on my side anymore, I turned towards the other taking in the furrowing of his features. It’s clear he didn’t appreciate such an interruption at a time most important between us. Although, no worries, I tend to spend the rest of our time together worthily.

“Our walk ends here, it seems, Jiwon-_sshi_,” Snorting softly, I held back my disbelief at such cliché wording – I’m better than this! “Well, there was more talking then walking, and – it is reciprocated, so I’ll be expectant. Until next time, good day, my loyal guard.”

There was hesitation in his movements, fingers curling only to straighten as his hands reached out to touch me once more. A quick look over my shoulder demolished any of that want, his body curling deeply inward as he bowed to me in a degree he has never taken before. And when he brought himself back up, he gave me a gentle smile only for it to be masked with the façade that I’m sure isn’t the real him. The steel him.

With nothing more to say, I left him, my feet dragging me behind Heo Mok-_sshi_ as he talked to me about various things that suddenly held no importance. My mind back in the field of the first confession of love that I’ll ever have. No one will be able to shake me this much, and that is a certainty that I know will hold itself evident.

Jiwon is my first kiss, my first confession, my first love…he’s first and I’m glad I realized it before I let this feeling lock itself away.

Before it left me without the shining smile of his that makes me feel like jelly inside. And the fact that he feels the same as me makes me want to scream it from the roof of the palace. But I won’t. That is unbecoming of someone of my status and this is only something between the two of us.

This is special…right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, since I keep missing my update schedule, I think I'm going to continue with the weekly update, the only thing changing is that it'll be either Thursday or Friday, so look out for those two days. Work and school have me swamped and with no real breaks I just need to find time for myself to actually write. Until next time, bye!


	10. Pink Ranunculus and Alstroemeria

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let the Courtship begin...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My deepest apologies for missing last week. I had an essay to work and it ended up taking longer than I thought, so it left me no room to write this chapter. Not to mention that work has been having their feet on my neck until Tuesday where I got three days off in a row. So I've been working on this in between school work and now, it is finally done! 
> 
> Oh, I also won't be updating next Thursday or Friday as I'm having all four of my wisdom teeth removed, so it might be before then or after that but I do plan to give you another chapter. I hope you enjoy and see you guys later, bye!

My expectation was met with the utmost fervor.

In the moment, I said it as they were words often repeated around me when someone was to be courted, but to have him uphold them was something entirely foreign to me.

It started with a single flower. A vibrant pink ranunculus that boarded on almost being red. It’s cupped shape greeting me as I opened my window. The flower blowing itself into my lap with a whisper of ‘good morning’. For the rest of the morning and well into the evening, a smile adorned my features until pain made it softer and quieter. The intensity of it bringing attention to a feeling I share with only one person.

The next day, there was another flower, this time resting outside of my door. Alstroemeria. It’s stripped petals going nicely with the ranunculus that I’ve gotten the day before. The both of them, now, tied intricately among the cherished crown resting serenely on my wall. My eyes finding it every time I entered my room and keeping me longer inside before I left it.

Expecting another flower, instead, I was met with fancy writing on a small piece of wrinkled paper. The words a slight blur but when they cleared, I couldn’t stop the brightness that covered me. Short but impactful sentiment of courtship had stained the paper, leaking into my fingers and making its way through my veins and into my rapidly beating heart.

Unlike the first two days, were I was busy and carried on as such, I let me feet drag me around in search for the other. My eyes finding him speaking with what could only be an officer over him. His eyes down casted and arms flexing as if to control himself. Once, the man had dismissed himself, walking around the other as if his presence annoyed him, I came from around the corner. My hand immediately taking ahold of his arm to stop him from walking off.

“Is everything okay, Jiwon-_sshi_?” The longer it took for him to look at me, the more I invaded his space not wanting him to carry on and get in even more trouble.

“Yeah, if you’ll excuse me.” Brushing me off, he left without a care to if he had hurt my feelings with his harshness.

He didn’t…a little…but that’s only because I want to show him as much concern as he’s shown me.

Sighing, I folded the note, tucking it within the folds of my inner sleeve before turning on my heels and heading back the way I came. My duties suddenly superseding the slight sadness that started to nudge its way into my heart. The rapid beating slowing down for the first time in a week’s time. My heart returning to normal until it wasn’t.

I got nothing for two days following the small tiff. My anticipation getting the best of me until I came to realize that I shouldn’t expect much. His duties clearly holding onto him in ways I’ll never understand.

This cloud that my head once resided in bringing me back down to our reality. Two different status. Two opposite sets of duties. An abnormal sight the two of us must make.

With these, not so pleasant thoughts, night fell upon us. My books finding themselves back to their places before I took myself into my chambers. A heavy sigh blowing out the oil lamps before I laid my head upon my bedding, eyes opened and focused on the woodwork of the ceiling. Am I still supposed to feel this unsatisfied, even after such a warming confession? He’s next to me as he always is but he’s still as far away as he was in the beginning. Can I believe such a confession when he doesn’t even see it in himself to confide in me when I ask with simplicity? I imply, I’m not trying to pry, although knowing more about him would please me deeply.

“Yunhyeong-_gun_?” The voice startled me, its raspy sound as if in my ear when it came from the opposite side of the locked window. “Are you asleep already, my prince?”

Keeping silent, I made my way over to the window, my head leaning itself against the window frame. A small whistle of wind squeezing itself around the cracks in the hinges, it falls over my face with gentleness.

“Yunhyeong-_ah_, I know that you’re listening.” He held an underlying chuckle in his words that had me sighing loud enough for him to hear.

“How would you suppose, guard?” I kept my hand from taking ahold of the lock and flicking it from its place, my rationality telling me to see what he has to say until I’m satisfied or unwilling to any longer.

He sucked in a small breath, lips separating from one another but still not giving me an answer. Am I still unworthy of any answer from him? Do I really hold no importance for him to leave me with only silence when I’ve given him more answers than anyone else? What even am I doing? Loving a man of such stoic nature, has it always been described as such a feat to battle against?

Sighing, once more, I began my move back towards the bedding when he decided that it would be best to speak at this moment, “I could hear you thinking, and when you moved closer to the window, I felt your warmth. Is that enough for you, your highness?”

“Is that what you think, guard, or is it what you know?” The lock on the window came away with ease as he opened it, the moonlight shining down on the two of us, our eyes locked as we faced one another. “Who gave you permission, guard?”

“The person who’s calling me by my status instead of my name, Prince-_sshi_.” Hoisting himself inside, he took the small amount of space between the wall and myself, his hands falling softly upon my own before gripping them with certainty. “Is something the matter, my prince?”

“There isn’t much that could be the matter, although there are some things, I can’t help but muse over,” I relaxed the tension in my hands suddenly finding my attitude childish in its own ways. “Jiwon-_ah_, are you sincere?”

Calloused hands broke away from the grip they had to cup my pink dusted cheeks, his thumb softly smoothing over the flesh that retains its youthful appearance, “with everything that I am and every last possession that I hold in this life, I give you my utmost sincerity in everything that concerns you.” Relief came over me with his words, my heart no longer amidst as it found its grounding once more – I surely shouldn’t have doubted such sincerity.

“Then, if I ask you to tell me about yourself, would you?”

“I’ll tell you anything you’d inquire about, but first, it is getting late and you should be in bed.” My eyebrows furrowed at his statement, a small smile pulling at the corner of his lips as he took in my expression.

“I am not a child, Jiwon-_ah_.” Even with, I allowed him to take me back to my bedding, his uniform not at all being quiet in the least as the dead silence of the night was defying.

“Then what are you, Yunhyeong-_ah_? As you’re surely more than just a third prince and sixth royal sibling.” Sticking my lower half under the blanket, he sat beside me, a foolish smile greeting me in wait for an answer that I was carefully crafting.

I waited until he got comfortable enough, his upper half leant back on his palms as he watched me, “Well, as someone who is already a year after their coming-of-age, I would say that I am fully an adult. So, that begs the question on if you’re a child or not?” Pushing at him as he’s done to me many of times, he seemed to like that I wasn’t as stiff as I once was.

“As someone three years after a drunken coming-of-age, I can say that I have you beat, my prince.” Scoffing, I fully laid down, the other losing half of himself in the darkness while the other half was still illuminated by the moon. “Is there anything besides my age that you want to inquire about?”

“…everything.” Hiding my face, I felt wholly embarrassed at how desperate I probably sounded. “I want to know everything about you, Jiwon-_ah_.”

“Then your wish is mine to grant, my sleepy prince.” Rolling my eyes deeper into the bedding, I laid on my stomach and turned my head slightly to get somewhat of a better look at him. “Kim Jiwon, 19 winters, many generations of fighter. I can’t write but I can read -,”

“You didn’t write the note for me?”

“Uh, no, I had an acquaintance write it for me, I’m sorry to take the magic away so soon.” Shaking my head, he continued on with his information spill. “I was born and resided in the same region as the Queen before my family moved around. I’m in deeply in love with a prince who’s too deep into his own thoughts. He gives me my favorite smiles and shows me looks of happiness that put him above the rest. His kisses are my favorite food and the rose of his cheeks are my favorite color.”

Moving to lay on his stomach, his fingers caressed my visage, the feeling lulling me closer to sleep than I’d like to admit, “Why are you so beautiful?”

“The gods have blessed me as my mother likes to say.”

“A lady so intelligent to say so makes me want to be in her presence, notably since she produced the one thing that makes me feel alive.” I make him feel alive, and I haven’t even done much.

Silence feel over us as we enjoyed it with slowly closing eyes focused on each other.

“I would marry you in a heartbeat, Yunhyeong_-ah_, I want you to know that.”

“It’s appreciated, but two many cannot marry and even if we could, I don’t think my family would allow it.” I tried not to slur but the sleep had snagged the end of my sentence leaving it to sound bubbly.

“I wish this life didn’t even in tragedy. I wish -,” He cut himself off, the thought to ask him later of what he meant storing itself in the back of my mind.

I wonder what he wishes for. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last thing, I haven't started on the next chapter but just know that a handful of tags will be coming into use with the start of that chapter. Just a little FYI.


	11. Red Tulips

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A night of content....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey-o! It's been 2 weeks (?) since I last updated and I just want to say that it's been a ride, but I can finally eat solid foods, although I'm without straw usage for a while longer. In the meantime, I am awarding you guys with two chapters as it's been so long (it should really be three but I have to work and I can only manage two at the moment). The next chapter after this one will come either late tonight (I work from 7-4 today) or Friday since that's my last off day for the week. I hope you enjoy and let's get into the wonderful adventures of Joseon dynasty Yunbob and there budding love. 
> 
> *I'm trying to not drag this out but somethings just need to be explained in full detail to make sense later - for those who are ready for the actionnnn*
> 
> Korean term(s) used in this chapter:  
hanbok - traditional Korean clothing   
Sonsaeng-nim - teacher  
tanggeon - Traditional headgear worn by men. Usually is worn under a gat.  
chima - A type of skirt worn together with jeogori, short jacket.  
geotsokgot - outside underpants (undergarment)  
sokchima - underskirt (undergarment)  
noonas - Older sisters  
uke geun - shoulder strap (undergarment)  
geotchima - outer skirt (undergarment)  
chima margi - skirt band (undergarment)  
chima geun - skirt strap (Undergarment)  
ramie sokjeogori - undergarment that copies the standard jeogori   
*Lastly, although these are undergarments, it resembles those of what servants wear so I'm using the terminology based off of that.*  
Jeonbok- a type of sleeveless long vest mostly worn by military personnel
> 
> Enjoy! Also, this is a loooooong chapter ;)

Head in the clouds. Messy ink on pristine fresh paper. The sun shining down on my skin darkening it to a light pink instead of my normal color. The lightest _hanbok_ adorned my limbs as I blocked out Hyun and his lesson. My presence not needed in the slightest, but with there being no other room with more windows, I found myself upon the books and teaching of wisdom that I’ve always tried hard to understand.

When did this life become obsolete? The wisdom of those who have long since passed no longer the wisdom of those currently living. It leave much to be undesired, but I’ll continue to learn it with a sense of duty to my country. It’ll be drilled, breathed, and lived before I’m able to say that I know enough of this world, and even then I’ll never truly know enough. So, for now, this life is bleak and without an end of excitement – well, one that is given to me instead of the one I went out of my way to find.

Tedious. Overthinking. That is what my life has become at this point in my journey.

A love that bares fruit, but it is fruitless. Barren land surrounds this love that isn’t meant to go far, and without a will to live it will surely die. But with no resources to prosper, how can I bare the fruit that this love needs to blossom?

I don’t want this love to die in its infancy.

“Yunhyeong-_gun_?” Scrunching my face, the heat from the sun hurting more than I once realized leaving me to quickly turn into the shade of the room. “Lessons are over, your highness, do you wish to stay, or should I call a guard to escort you to wherever you’d like to be?”

“No worries, _Sonsaeng-nim_, I’ll travel alone as I have to speak with the Queen about a matter of importance. Should I call a guard for you instead?” The wisps of white hair that stuck out of his _tanggeon_ reminded me of the other whose wishes are still unknown to me.

The wrinkles and crinkles that form his aged smiling face giving me a glimpse of what could be a possible future. Even though, soldiers and guards live in uncertainty. I can’t help but wonder what an eternity would look like with him by my side. Would he fight for me or would he stand by quietly? Would he finally become selfish instead of allowing others the chance to get too close? Will he still be my loyal guard?

“Child, you should not freight over an old man such as myself. I’ll be fine, so go. Don’t keep her highness waiting.” Thanking him, I stood leaving him to prepare for the lessons that Hyun will be given tomorrow morning and for the days following as such.

Once around the corner, I found a servant arranging for him to be given tea and snacks to replenish his body after working so hard. And with her affirmation of going promptly to do so, I made my way to the Queen’s court preparing myself for her enthusiasm that surely won’t be able to cure me on this warm day.

I barely paid my usual attention to the activities of outside, rather finding my attention on the architect that I’ve knew since birth. It’s changed in the years since then. New layers of paint and brandishing of golds. I wonder if it’ll change when Hyung is no longer king and his firstborn son takes the throne. Will he paint over the old layers of the palace he was born into? Will he brandish the gold that lays among the new paint? Or will he leave it be in memory of a youth he barely remembers?

Will I be here long enough to tell him of his youth, or will I have found myself swept away to foreign land in the fight to better our beloved homelands?

Will I be able to smile at a face that holds the slightest of similarities to my own? Or will I cry at the features of a King I’ll surely miss?

There are too many thoughts to a life that should be lived as you go along. There are too many concerns and not enough solutions.

Knocking on wood, I heard the small voice that I wasn’t used to hearing, telling me of people that sat among her presence. I slide the door opened, greeting her and the men that sat around here. Their heads bowing in greeting but otherwise ignoring my presence as they’ve gone back to do so. My title a distant thought in front of the real thing that holds the world in her petite hands. Well, a fraction to that of her husbands.

Finding myself against the sill of a window once more, I stared off into the distance, my mind racing with more thoughts. The fact that it’s gotten this bad having not caught up to me yet. I’m surely on the verge of losing my mind from these constant thoughts.

“Thank you, gentlemen. We’ll continue on tomorrow.” Her dismissal of whatever meeting they were having brought me back into the room.

The rustling of _hanboks_ and papers took longer than I thought to the leave the room, but once the door had closed and their rubber shoes had gone far enough away, a huge huff of breath had left the other’s mouth. Her body slumping forward into her _chima_ as she took herself from the limitations of her role to be the person that I’m used to being around.

“Those men can talk an ear off of a cow, if allowed to.” Usually, I’d laugh but with no will to I could only hum in acknowledgement. “Yunhyeong-_ah_, what is the matter my dear? Where is your smile on this nice day?”

“It seems to be far away, Sunjeong-_ah_.” In the recent days, she forced upon me the practice of calling her by her name instead of her title as she’s only a month ahead of myself.

“Care to speak on what concerns you?”

“Thoughts of marriage and free will have occupied my mind in the most recent hour.” Upon being in her presence, I couldn’t help but think back to the other’s revelation a few nights prior.

“Those are two things that are typically never in the same sentence.” Meeting her curious eyes, I slumped against the windows frame, the sun beating upon my neck and back instead of my face. “What makes you think of them? Is it because of the young lady from the festival?”

“It would be less nerving if it was the latter, unfortunately it pertains to desires that’ll never come to fruition.” A noise of acknowledgement followed by silence told me to speak my thoughts. “I think of free will for the small fact that I can’t do as I please or be with who I please. We’re together but there isn’t anything we can do outside of our statuses. These late-night chats that put me to slumber only for me to arise alone does nothing to light the fire within my heart. We cannot be outside of my chambers and it sadness me that I cannot bare fruit for this love that I yearn for.”

“Did he bring up marriage?” A curt nod was all I could manage, the deflation of his voice once I took away the thought with facts burning itself into my ears with his wishes.

“I wish – I wish I was a female servant; only then would we be able to walk hand-in-hand. We’d be able to be seen in public without the whispers of gossip that’ll arise from the sight of us. We could be more than what we are now. We could bare fruit on this barren land until we burn it all back to its barren state.” The drop of a fresh tear found itself rolling down the pinkness of my irritated skin bringing me to the state of tears.

I tried to hide them behind my hands, not wanting to be seen in such a confusing weakened state. I’ve shed more tears in this past few months than I have in my entire lifetime, and it’s all over one person. Why can’t this life gift me with peace of mind for only a moment's time? I swear, I’ll pay it back thousands of times even in death.

“Do you want it that bad that it’s brought you to tears, my dear prince?” Snickering, I thought of a life where the only disapproval came from those that I worked under.

The most I have to worry about being if I tended to the needs of those who provide for me. There’s the possibility that I might be married off to shave relations between households but even then, I don’t think I’d ever worry this much. I’d bore sons for my husband and live the rest of my life in servitude but there is always the possibility of betterment.

The life that I have right now leaves me with nowhere higher to go. My whole life being decided and planned out from infancy till old age. My voice being with say for matters that truly concern me. I’ll die under the hands of those who once nurtured me but left me with nothing in the end. If I fall out of favor, then there is only death left for me. I won’t be able to live with the knowledge that I was thrown to dirt and with no survival skills beyond the minimum required in youth, I’ll surely die. A burial that none of my loved ones will attend will be my last rendezvous my soul has on this earth. The land I once tended to becoming water and sharp rocks.

“I just – I want to be content, that is all, your highness.” No more tears fell but the wetness of my eyes answered whatever unknown question that she had.

“Go to Jiwon-_sshi_ and request whatever of his time that you wish, then meet me here after dinner and I shall do for you what I can.”

“No disrespect, _mama_, but what can you do for such a pitiful situation?” She took my hand, the softness of her own bringing me back to myself. “My apologies.”

“I only want for you to experience happiness before it is no longer available, so do as I say child and I shall see to make you content. Now, go before I order a hundred lashings for the tears you’ve shed.” Standing, I moved hesitantly while clearing my face of its wetness, but upon seeing that she spoke the truth I left her to do what she plans to.

In return, I headed towards my chambers with my head down to stop the sun from streaking my face with the tears that I’ve missed. This perfect day is anything but perfect it seems.

“Prince-_sshi_?” Hearing the smile in the calling of my title, I stopped and turned my head towards the one I’m supposed to seek out. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I’m fine, Jiwon-_sshi_.” Forcing a smile on my face, I glanced a look around before stepping deeper into his space. “Are you free after dinner? I wish to spend time together.”

“I’ll meet you in your chambers then.” Shaking my head, a shaky breath left me at the oddity of it all. “No? Then is there somewhere you wish to meet, your highness?”

“M-Meet me in the flower beds,” My mouth dried a little, the wanting of tea becoming more insistent than it's ever been before, “then we shall go from there, my loyal guard.”

“Then, I shall see you then, my prince.” His hands rested on my arm for longer than socially acceptable and as it ran down to my elbow before falling off, he left me to continue on to my chambers.

I watched him disappear from my sight. The shaking of his head in confusion being one that matched my inner conflict. I’m at the point of not knowing what is going to happen next, and its confusing instead of scary as some have said it to be.

Freshening up, once back to my room, I went through lunch and a sitting of tea in quiet having nothing to speak up about. The rest of my time was spent either reading or staring at the walls of my chambers. Once dinner had come and gone, I waited around for a moment walking around aimlessly until I found myself upon the Queen’s court once more. This time when I knocked, I was brought inside swiftly, the sight of the _mama’s_ smile greeting me before anything else.

“Did you do as I asked?” Nodding, she smiled widely, all of her teeth showing and her pinks lips thinning until they almost disappeared. “Then, I shall reward you a night of content.”

Raising my eyebrow, she turned her body slightly before producing a pile of what could only be servant clothing, “You want to experience a life of servitude in exchange for loving the one you choose, so instead of a life worth of diminution, I present you with a night.” The clothing was placed in my hands, the blue cotton a benediction that I cried for deep down inside. “Go change before I change my mind and send you to bed, prince.”

I wanted to kiss her feet in gratitude, instead I went into the room adjacent to this one. It wasn’t the royal quarters, but it was instead a lounging room of sorts. Not that it matters in this moment.

I placed each piece separately, my head spinning with how many more pieces there were than the ones I dressed in. Of course, I know the ladies of nobility wore twice the amount of this, but it made me feel a little sad. For what reason? It is currently unknown to me. Stripping down until I only had my bottom layer of undergarments on, I started from the _geotsokgot_, it being lined with silk in contrast to the cotton causing me to wonder which servant she took such clothing from. Next a single layer of _sokchima_, compared to many layers that I’ve seen put on my _noonas, _I pulled it up until it didn’t drag among the floor before tying it tightly. I was missing the _uke geun_, but without breast there isn’t really much need for it to begin with.

After gathering the _geotchima_ into the _chima margi,_ with much difficulty, I tied the _chima geun_ over the _margi_ without as much problem. Slipping my arms through the _ramie sokjeogori_, I tied the cloth straps into a decent bow before gathering my own clothing and folding it into a corner. Leaving the room, I didn’t care to look into a mirror already knowing that I must look like a King’s fool.

“If we lose the topknot and apply a little blush, you’d be the fairest maiden in the land, Yunhyeong-_ah_.” I paid her giddiness no mind as it is surely just flattery.

She sat me down upon a makeshift vanity that she surely put together last second, and with my deep breath she took off my _tanggeon _and unknotted my topknot. My hair fell in rivers from the top of my head, my scalp breathing for the first time since it was last washed a day or so prior. She worked calmly, parting and combing it all to the back before braiding the end and wrapping it in a bun at the base of my neck. I could tell that her fingers itched to add ornaments, but she refrained instead moving onto powdering my face and dusting my cheeks with blush.

“One last thing,” Painting my lips with balm, she backed away allowing me to see myself in a mirror for the first time since the oddity began, “and you are now a maiden of the Royal palace. Is it what you wanted, Yunhyeong-_gun_?”

Is it what I wanted? That in itself is redundant as it doesn’t really matter if it’s what I truly want as it is something I’ll never truly be.

“Thank you, _mama_.” With nothing to really say I only expressed my gratitude as she did more than what was needed of her.

“Go and I hope to hear good things in the morning.” Thanking her once more, she showed me out through a servants door in the room I had just come from, the cool air calming my rapidly beating heart.

The weight of the clothing more unfamiliar than I thought it would be, but I rushed myself into the fields already with knowledge that the other is waiting on me. As I turned the corner, I stumbled backwards some at the sight of him squatted down over a bed of tulips, the moon shining upon the sight with favor. Will he like this? Is it too much?

Well, it's too late to go back now.

Lifting my _geotchima_, I made my way over to the other until I was in his eyeline, he looked at me with disinterest before turning back to his examination. Do I really look that different to be ignored as such? Another guard that was on patrol had walked past the sight of us before stopping and bowing deeply to me before continue on his path. So, do I look like myself or not?

Going closer, I made my voice softer trying to figure out the sound I should aim for when speaking, “Jiwon-_ah_…”

“Servant, I don’t know what is possessing you to speak informally to me, but I’ll -Yunhyeong-_gun_?” He was quick to get into my space, fingers wrapped tightly around his sword as if to draw it. “W-What is this, my prince?”

“Ah, I want us to be without worry and experience the town, so I was given some help.” His eyebrows furrowed as if in distaste making my stomach tighten. “D-Do you not like it?”

“Your beauty without this light makeup is already something to behold, so it only makes it more so. You look beautiful, my prin-ncess?” Covering my mouth to stifle my laughter, I fully entered his space without worry of anyone reprimanding us. “W-What should I call you tonight?”

“That is up to you guard as I am only a lowly servant that is by your side.”

He thought on it for a while, my eyes taking in the flowers that were still on there way to blossom among those that have already done so.

“Areum. Tonight, you will be known to others as Areum but to me, you’ll always be Yunhyeong-_ah_.”

“You don’t do good under pressure, Jiwon-_ah_, but I’ll take it.” Holding out my hand, he took it without hesitation, the both of us staring at a scene that we never thought would be possible. “Shall we head to town, my love?”

“We shall.” He spoke with bravado, leading me as I quietly giggled behind him.

Who knew that such a day would turn out like such?

With the speed at which he walked, we made it to the gates faster than one normally would, his body blocking my own as he snuck us through without a single word being uttered. And once far away, he urged me to run along side of him as fast as I could go in shoes I’m not used to wearing. We ran until our lungs burned and feet hurt, the sound of water and nature greeting us instead of those chatter of the town’s nightlife. I waited until we stopped to catch my break before speaking on this confusion.

“I said into town, where are we?”

“The woods next to the palace. I have something to show you.” Shaking my head, he pulled on my hand trying to move me from my spot. “Are you afraid of something, Yunhyeong-_ah_?”

“No, I am not, but I am not allowed to venture into the woods on the _Sangwang’s_ orders, so it would be best for us to go.”

“A servant following orders meant for a prince, isn’t that odd?” I froze even further forgetting that I am not Prince Yunhyeong in this moment and such rules don’t apply.

“I – then where are we going? I will not venture further without proper explanation, Jiwon-_ah_!” Yelling in a hushed whisper, he moved closer to me closing the gap that our arms had made.

“There is a pretty sight that I wish to show you, is that proper enough for you, Areum?” No, but I cannot continue to waste what little time we have together, so I gave in.

He held me close as we walked, arm wrapped around me tightly as he gripped the handle of his sword with his other hand. Eyes darting all over the place, ready to fight whatever may come at us, but in the end nothing did, and we made it to this pretty sight he spoke of. The first thing I saw was water and a lot of it.

“Did we meet the sea? Isn’t this too far out?” My nerves started to tingle at the thought of being too far away with no way to turn back.

“No, we did not meet the sea and we are in hearing distance from the palace, so please do not freight, my dear prince.” Trying to calm myself down, I allowed him to bring me upon an edge that looked down into the water. “The ground is kind of muddy, so you can rest upon my lap if you’d like.”

“Is this a trick?”

“I would never. I respect you not only in title.” Hiding my blush at his sincerity, I perched myself upon his lap, my hands folding themselves in my lap.

His arms wrapped around me, rough hands landing on top of my own as the beat of his heart vibrated across my back faster than I’ve ever thought possible. Even my heart doesn’t beat at such a speed. Ignoring that, I stared at the sight that was indeed too pretty to keep to oneself. It made me want to reach out and touch it, but I held back not being able to swim and afraid of being too far off the ground.

“Like this it feels as though we are the only beings in the world. The quiet air and beautiful sight being the only things that accompany us. It makes me want to hold onto you even longer.”

“Then what would you do if we were the only beings in the world?” The question in itself is childish, yes, but does it indulge in my curiosity? Yes, it does.

“I would hunt for you and protect you. I’d love you until death and even after. I’ll make our days filled with joy and laughter. There’ll never be a day that you cry.”

“I’ll do the same, then, although I cannot protect you or hunt, but I’ll make sure that you always have a smile on your face and never cry.” Turning away from the view, I wrapped my arms around his neck making sure that we were looking at one another. “And if you shall leave me for your own wellbeing, then I shall understand and find you when you need me. And if it is for good, then I shall follow you into the afterlife and spend eternity searching for you.”

“My servant has such a way with words, it makes my heart race and head float.” He leaned in close, the moon following all of its movements as if it were a spotlight. “Can I reward you for feat that only a prince has conquered?”

“A reward fit for a prince; I wonder what it could possibly be?” Ridding himself of his _jeonbok_, he laid it on the muddy ground before flipping our positions so that I laid upon it.

With the other, now, hovering over me I stared up at him in anticipation for the reward I knew was to come. And come it did. The pressing of his lips against my own glossed ones was a feeling that I’ll forever remember. The skin less chapped from the layers of balm I apply whenever he lays himself upon my flooring to converse me to sleep. The movements gentle and determined enough to leave one breathless and wanting more. It stole my heart and rid my head of its worries.

He broke away, eyes staring into my own as his hand came to caress my dusted cheek, “Is the reward fitting?”

“It is, my love.”

“Then I shall reward you once more.” The pressing of his lips stole me like how the moon stole the star.

A blanket of light awakening me from slumber into a passionate beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what do you think? Next chapter is going to be on a less depressing note for Yunhyeong, it also carries on from the ending of this chapter as the night is still young...but at least he's in love. See you at the next update!


	12. Rain Drops

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A sunrise of giggles...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Years! 
> 
> I thought I would have time to update before or around Christmas, but yeah, life gets hectic.   
We're soon on our way to the chaos, but for now, enjoy all the gooey shit. 
> 
> Korean Term(s) Used in this Chapter:   
jeonbok - sleeveless long vest worn by military personnel  
jangot - an outerwear worn by women of the Joseon Dynasty period as a veil to cover their faces  
rami sokjeogri - undergarment that copies the standard jeogori  
beoseon - socks   
geotchima - outer skirt  
heoritti - breast band   
sokchima - underskirt   
Sangwang - Former King   
Gun - Prince born between the King and his concubine  
Mama - Queen

The body that lies next to my own, had focused its eyes only upon me and not the sight that we came for. His rough hand holding onto my slightly softer hand. I wanted to chastise him on not paying attention to the moon and stars that are surely going to fade in due time, but I left him. The slight swelling of my lips shushing me into a blissful silence.

Well, that was until the leaves had begun to rustle in their places among the highest branches. A soft pattering falling among the already muddy soil and dripping from the leaves one drop at a time. I sat up upon the feeling of wetness splashing against my forehead and cheeks. The splatters of the water hitting my eyes in ways that are only painful. 

“It seems as though it is rain, my prince, let’s head back to the palace.” I allowed him to help me up, a frown coming over my features as I didn’t want this to end so soon. “Do you not wish to return?”

“I wish to spend the rest of the night with you, although if it has to end so soon, then I shall retreat this once.” Picking up his _jeonbok_, it was covered in mud that outlined our rolling around, a blush had come to my face upon seeing the damage that was done to it. “I’ll get this cleaned for you, if you are not in need of it soon.”

“That is quite alright. I can clean this myself, so no worries on its damage.” He took the dirty garment in his hands with a small smile on his lips. “For now, let’s –,” The rain had begun to fall strongly, his words being cut off as he swiftly draped the garment over my head in hopes of keeping me dry, “There’s a small shack less than a mile away. Can you make it, Yunhyeong-_ah_?”

Nodding, I held the _jeonbok_ as if it were a _jangot_, my other hand being clasped tightly in his as he ran us through the terrain that I wasn’t familiar with. I couldn’t stop myself from tripping over twigs and roots which had me somewhat carrying me. Nevertheless, he didn’t seem to mind much as the determination to find us shelter took over his whole being. A warrior, indeed.

By the time we reached the shack he spoke of, we were both drenched in the earth’s tears. A humidity of warmth settling with it causing our clothes to cling to our skin even more.

“Come, let’s get dry.” Once inside, I took in the darkness that surrounded us, my fingers gripping his hand with the will to not injure either of us. “Stay here. I’ll look for a lamp.”

Reluctantly, I let his hand go using it to hold onto his _jeonbok_ even tighter. A shiver running down my spin from the loss of warmth that had found itself trapped outside of the door. It slowly seeped through the cracks, although the quantity wasn’t big enough to do either of us a favor. The sound of light drags on the floorboards had my eyes forcing themselves to readjust to the somber lighting.

“Yunhyeong-_ah_, come over here and warm yourself.” The shack was filled with shadows besides where he stood holding the lamp in his hands.

I walked cautiously until we both stood in each other’s space once more. He hung the lamp on its original hook, freeing up his hands so that he would rid me of his dirty article of clothing. The article fell to the floor with a wet _plop_ that had me flinching at how defining its sound was even with the rain threatening to force its way through the roof.

“We’ll surely be sick come sunrise, Jiwon-_ah_.” It was a whisper as I didn’t want to disturb the quietness of our space.

“Then let’s rid ourselves of our wet clothing quickly, Prince-_sshi_.” The light jesting of his words had me pushing him away with the same jest. “There is much in here to rest upon, so I hope the floor isn’t too beneath you, my love.”

“I am only a lowly servant, so nothing is beneath me, guard.”

Laughter bubbled out of him, a sound that was foreign to my ears as it was so genuine that it mimicked the cascade of a waterfall. The crashing of rocks and popping of rushed water bubbles bringing me closer to him. I wanted to swallow the sound so that it resonated deep within my soul. To never leave and always be apart of me.

“Although, I love your warmth, we should get out of these clothes, dear prince.” Backing away, I turned giving the both of us some sense of privacy that wasn’t entirely necessary.

I started to undo the bow I had tied so nicely earlier, the _rami sokjeogri_ falling from my shoulders with ease. Slipping my feet from my shoes, I sat down wanting to unfasten my _beoseon _from my ankles as the wetness continuously made this loud _squish_ sound. Once out of my _beoseon_, I rid myself of the _geotchima_ and the material that held it together before refastening the _heoritti_ leaving a sliver of skin between the _heoritti_ and the _sokchima_. If an actual lady, it would be of an utmost scandal, but with no breast and little to hide, I calmed myself.

Turning my head, I caught sight of the other in his half-undressed state leaving me to rack it all in with envy. As a soldier and guard, he had built on an immense amount of muscle. Each and everyone of them screaming to be looked upon as he moved around to hang his clothing wherever he could. I paled considerably with my figure that call for constant tailoring of my clothing as I could never keep weight on this lean body of mine.

If I could build up such muscle, I wonder if my body would resemble his? Would he still hold onto me the same?

“Am I to your liking, your highness?” Coming out of my thoughts, he was sat next to me his stomach flexing at the constant fight of cold and warm air.

Crossing my arms over my covered chest, I turned my head away not knowing that I would be caught so shamefully, “You brute…”

“If not a brute, then I would be a saint and with the telling of war etched into my skin it cannot be so.” The wrapping of his arms brought me warmth for the second time on this night, my body fitting between his legs as his head rested heavily upon my shoulder. “This life isn’t grand enough for two saints to grace its soil.”

“Who is this saint that you speak fondly of?” I leaned into his embrace not wanting either of us to move.

“Well, he is the sixth prince born to the _Sangwang_ and his second concubine. His kindness and beauty are something that only a saint can possess, so I worship him before I sleep in hopes of surviving another moon cycle.”

“Such flattery will not change the fact that you are a brute.” He squeezed me with a passion that wasn’t of the bad kind.

Silence had settled over us. Neither not caring to break it as the song the rain sung covered us in its fevering melody. It made me wonder if the palace was in a frenzy as the roof tended to leak when the earth had wept too hard. The structure not able to hold the weight of the sky’s frustration for too long. The floors wet, constantly being wiped dry by servants whose backs will surely hurt come sunrise.

Would they notice that I am not within my bedding? That am not even on the palace’s grounds?

Would they notice that a guard is missing as well? They’d surely blame him for my disappearance if it comes down to neither of us returning tonight.

“Relax, don’t fret over your aimless mind.” His voice was soft and caring in my ear, causing my eyes to close as I pushed away my worries. “You’re safe with me, Yunhyeong-_ah_, I’ll never let anything happen to you, okay?” 

It took a moment for me to respond, my bottom lip tearing itself from behind my front teeth, “…okay.”

I believe him. I trust him. I yearn for him. I love him.

I’m safe with him.

“Sleep. I’ll awake you once the rain lets up.” Shaking my head, I turned in his arms wanting to understand his survival instinct.

“I’ll sleep when I am tired, Jiwon-_ah_, if that is fine with you?” A rhetorical question meant to make him release the tension in his shoulders – and release it, he did.

Both of his hands cupped my face taking in the ruined makeup that he wiped away with the pads of his thumbs. They traced my features with each swipe, over and over until they rested in the corners of my mouth. He drew softly pulling until a smile stretched longingly, and he held it until a real one appeared. I watched him lean in capturing my lips once more stealing the rest of my balm that he didn’t care to remove.

“What is it about me that attracted you, my dear prince?” My eyes roamed over his face that looked to be on the verge of tears.

Sliding in closer, it was my turn to hold onto this handsome visage that he called his own. There are easily a hundred things right in front of me that held my attention. There will soon be thousands of things and from there millions. I have no reason to not be attracted to him. I think this is a query that should have come from my lips instead of his own. I have nothing to give him in return for all that he has given me, unbeknownst to him.

“Your eyes.” I brushed away the hair that cannot be tamed ‘til I could look into the dark eyes that had me from the moment, I first saw them. “The fire that burned bright the first time they laid upon me. These eyes and their sharpness. These eyes that hold a thousand tales behind the harshness that you brandish to the world. These eyes that fall in love with me every time they see me. Your eyes spoke of you before you ever could and for that it has found us in the embrace of one another.”

“My eyes…” Humming to re-agree, I brushed away my own wet hair, the bun having unraveled in our pursuit of shelter leaving the braid to fall down my back in wait to be fixed.

His fingers wrapped in the tail end, twirling it around and around as if in comfort. And I waited. I waited until the twirling stopped; I waited until he took a breath; I waited until he spoke again.

“C-Can I rest against you for a moment?” Opening my arms, I welcomed him, the weight of his body forcing me onto my back as his head rested on my chest – his breath fanning over the sliver of skin left in the open.

A moment turned into the rest of the night. Our conversation never finding its end as he didn’t really have an answer to my own. I was awoken by gentle shaking, my eyes fluttering open to find that it was still rather dark outside. The only sign being that the rain that had disappeared as if it was never here in the first place.

“Give me a moment, Jiwon-_ah_.” Moving away from his insistent hands, my eyes closed once more ready to catch the last of the rest that I desperately needed.

Pulling me from where I laid, he held onto me as if I were a child. Our bodies swaying slightly as I could feel his eyes looking down on me, “My love, we must head back before the servants come to wake you. We must leave now.”

I couldn’t help the small whine that had fell from my lips. My eyes opening once more to take in the smile that had covered him as we held eye contact. This night, although shortened from my imagination, had been the most peaceful nights of my life. No studying, reading, or politics – it was just us and the rain. A sight most pleasing to me.

“I don’t want to leave you.”

Sitting us both upright, he agreed with my sentiment, all while re-dressing me in the clothing that had mostly dried, “I’ll send you to slumber in the night as I’ve done many times before. We will not be away from one another long, my prince.”

Even with the knowledge that his words had truth, I still didn’t want to leave him. Reluctantly, I followed as he led us away from our temporary resting place. We didn’t walk long before I was leading, his hand holding one of my own to make sure that I didn’t fall and was heading in the right direction. I ran my free hand and fingers over the unknown of nature that I was forbidden from witnessing.

The trees ran wildly, and the flowers grew in unorthodox directions. Roots stuck up from the ground threatening to trip us, and the leaves were sharp unlike the perfectly groomed ones that rested on the palace grounds. Even the grass was different.

“Be careful, Yunhyeong-_ah_!” Hopping from atop one large root to the next, I flashed him a smile that had my whole face moving upwards.

Happiness of such simplicity lighting the forest floor as we continued our journey home.

“And if I fell, my loyal guard?” Jesting, I leaned forward, my body threatening to fall into sluggish, stagnant, water.

“Then I would fall in your stead without hesitation.” Helping me across the water, I stalled us once on the other side and in his confusion, I planted a soft kiss on his cheek.

“A correct answer deserves a reward, surely?” A clearing showed itself ahead of us, so I hurried to get through it, the sun starting to break through the horizon to show its face.

Stepping out, I was greeted with the sight of the palace’s flowerbeds less than twenty yards away. It raised my eyebrows at the fact that we were so close to home. We could have gone this way instead of the long run around and away from the palace. It seems that this inane guard likes to do things the uneventful way. With no time to dwell on such a thing, we ran towards the palace, the sight of a familiar figure waiting off to the side catching my attention.

“Sunjeong-_sshi_?” Hushing my voice, she turned with a look filled with worry that instantly deflated her shoulders upon the damp sight of us.

“_Mama_,” Jiwon let go of me, immediately dropping down upon one knee in greeting to his monarch, “I apologize for bringing him back so late. It seems that the weather has a mind of its own.”

“No worries, as long as you two are back and safe then that is all that matters.” She looked us both over in relief before taking ahold of my arm. “Guard it would be best to return to your quarters before morning call as there will be a series of meetings taking place shortly.”

“Thank you, _mama_.” Rising, he bowed to both of us before stiffly turning and leaving the two of us alone.

“Yunhyeong-_gun_…” I didn’t let her finish, jumping onto her with a soft breath of giggles that she instantly understood, “let’s get you clean and changed. I’ve already dismissed your presence from any of this morning’s activities, so rest up and meet me once you are refreshed.”

Is our love beginning to bore fruit on its once barren land? I surely hope so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The rest of January is expected to be hectic for me as I'll be moving and going back to school, so if it takes longer for me to update then I'll apologize in advance. I expect to end this story before the end of February as I've been working on other stories that I'd like to get out here; and there are also stories that I need to take off of Hiatus and finish. So, this is a little heads up - I'm also still on vacation but that'll be coming to an end in two days so I really have a lot to do. 
> 
> See you soon!


	13. Blue Hydrangea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A quarrel and an understanding...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHEW! It has been too long, how is everyone?   
I've finished moving (haven't unfinished packing tho), so I'm pretty much free to upload as regularly, or irregularly, as I have been. This is a short-ish, medium chapter - a filler really as the action that is to come will sadden many, so I'm trying to keep it somewhat joyus for now. 
> 
> I already have all the other chapters planned out and if I stay on schedule, then the sexy time should be coming come valentine's day - or I might double upload to make that happen - who knows, am I right? *waits for laughter and gets crickets* *CLEARS THROAT* OKAY! So, as it's a filler there isn't much here besides a little foreshadowing and some of that gushy stuffy...
> 
> I just realized that I am uploading on a Monday night leading into a Tuesday (my time)...so there might be an update at the end of the week, to stay on schedule that is - who knows?
> 
> Anywho, enjoy and I'll see you guys later!

The fruit that had bore itself continued to spot all over this once barren land I called love. The two of us sneaking off every night to explore the pleasures of the night life that I’m not allowed to indulge in. His eyes never leaving me no matter which direction I ran in. He was there the whole time, a warm smile on his lips and adoration in his eyes.

This…this is what I’ve been waiting my whole life for. For him. I can do nothing else but live for him, now.

And when night ends and morning decide to peek its head over the horizon, we part ways with a million and one gentle kisses and smiles. My body turning into the arms of the Queen as she frees me from the clothing that should have been a one-time deal. Leaving me to continue with my studies and duties as if nothing had ever happened, only crashing after lunch and sleeping halfway through dinner. Waking to eat and do it all again.

My days of boring repetition had found a new pattern, one that involved a life that I shouldn’t be living.

“…_ah_? Yunhyeong-_ah_?” The buzzing feeling of fatigue momentarily subsided at the voice of Sunjeong as she stared at me with intent. “What has your mind, dear?”

“Nothing, just lethargy.” A long hum told me that I wasn’t believed. “It’s really nothing, Sunjeong-_sshi_.”

She turned away from the proposals that laid in front of her, a look of curiousness covering her features as she watched my figure that was leaned against the windowsill. I stared back waiting for whatever rebuttal she was planning to say, but when nothing besides a shake of her head came, I knew that she had dropped it. For what reason, I cannot tell as she usually pushes until I spill my truth.

“Is something the matter, _mama_?” Trying to tease her into a reaction, she turned back to her proposals, a small look of melancholy coming onto her face. “Is it Hyung?”

“No, the King is fine, and I am as well. It just saddens me so to see the prince, I’ve met only a few months prior, blossom like a maiden in her youth.” Moving over to her, I took her free hand in my own wishing to relieve her of her maternal worry.

“Well, this maiden hasn’t bloomed that much as I’ve only just been weaned from my mother’s breast.” An unfitting snort of laughter left her, a smile accompanying it, her arms pulling me into a hug.

A shared warmth passed between us, his hands gentle as they patted against my back in a comfort, “Although not a child, do not grow old too fast. Once our youth is gone it is gone forever, and in that time, it becomes an everlasting memory of doubt. Live now, but do not live too fast, Yunhyeong-_gun_.”

I took in her words without much thought to her own implications.

A knock on the door broke us apart with a speed that should have caused injury. Her voice went from a serious playfulness to a held back quiet tone that she took more often than she’d like.

I took that as my telling to leave her to her duties while I try to catch up on sleep. My duties for the day being finished in the early morning leaving more than enough time for myself. With the door sliding open, I greeted her court member before departing down the winding halls that lead to my own. The lull of the afternoon eerily quieting the usual bustling passageway.

It unfortunately carrying the only voices that wished to speak in a murmuring flurry of whispers. I came upon them two halls down from my own, the sight of Jiwon and someone I haven’t had the pleasure of knowing catching my attention. He looked…different. His usual tough exterior and steel eyes being held back as he submitted to whatever was being told to him. Having only seen him this way once before, it made my skin tingle with dislike, something that I haven’t had much of in this lifetime of mine.

The situation changed rather fast, fists striking out and a sword being drawn faster than I’ve ever saw before. It had my legs moving, my mind catching up afterwards as I called towards the two guards interrupting their squabble, “What is going on here?”

“Nothing for you to worry about, your highness. Someone needed to be reminded of their place and nothing more, right Jiwon-_sshi_?” The sword was sheathed, but it didn’t tear away from the fact that Jiwon laid upon the floorboards with red coating his features.

I watched in wait for a rebuttal, but the other only forced himself onto his knees, head touching the floor as he spoke, “Apologies for the disturbance, Prince Yunhyeong.”

“A-As long as it isn’t anything serious.” I stepped back not wanting to see the other in such a position anymore. “Jiwon-_sshi_, I have business with you, so please finish this in a timely manner and meet me by my chambers.”

Turning, I fled the scene with hurried steps wanting the tears that threatened to fall to disappear. It is within his place to accept discipline in such a manner that his superior sees fit. I have no reason to weep other than my own selfishness. I’m sure Jiwon would not appreciate my tears, be it for him or against him.

Entering my chambers, I feel to my knees with a flurry of emotions that told me to rest, but I couldn’t, not until I know that he is well. Only then will I allow this racing mind of mine to rest.

It took longer for him to come to me, and when he did the red that once covered his features had disappeared leaving only coldness in its wake. My heart broke as I watched his face twitch and twist in discomfort, the activities of what happened once I left hurting him more than he wanted to let on. I had many questions, instead I welcomed him into my arms with wishes of vulnerability. Of course, that’ll be something I’ll never be fully allowed.

His heavy breathing and weight reassured me of my darkest thoughts, but that didn’t deter me from speaking, “Are you fine?” I didn’t want to bombard him with what had transpired, so I started off calm and slow.

“That is nothing…” He paused in his speech, a quiet puff of air passing through his lips, “I am fine.”

“These marks say otherwise, Jiwon-_ah_. If you are not fine, then please say so. I cannot rely on you for everything and you rely on me for nothing, are we not together?”

Untangling himself from my arms, he pushed himself away, a look of annoyance masking his hurt, “If I say I am fine, then I am fine. Do not push where it is not needed, Yunhyeong-_ah_.”

“I do not wish to offend, I am only concerned, Jiwon-_ah_.” My heart began to pound loudly at the thought of this being our first quarrel.

“Concerned? It is not your place -,” Cutting him off, he had begun to speak to me as if I were child, but no matter how many winters he has on me, I will not accept such a tone.

“It is! It is my place to be worried when it involves the one, I love, and if you cannot understand that, then leave, now!” Our glares clashed, silent words traveling between us, until he stood with a heavy flourish leaving me alone once more.

The sound of his sword and heavy boots making their way down the halls stilled me until they were heard no more. My body falling limp to the floor not caring to bring out my bedding. Fatigue catching up to me with stealth that knocked me unconscious within seconds. My dreams replying the slight shock that had his eyes barely widening at my declaration.

Am I that unreliable that he cannot speak his pain to me? Does he see me as nothing more than a naïve lowly prince?

Silent was I for the rest of the day. Our nightly activities cancelled for whoever knows how long, and although upset, I caught up on the hours of missed rest that I have been without. Silent were the days that followed as I kept to myself and my studies. I ignored any all qualms directed towards my sudden quietness.

If I am to be not understood, then it is best if I don’t speak at all.

We continued for a few sunrises, the both of us avoiding one another as if we had a disease, and it crumbled my heart with each avoidance. His figure disappearing hurriedly around corners, his eyes looking anywhere but my own, and the sound of his voice long since fading. I thought on many occasions where I should reach out and speak to him, at last Sunjeong held me back with words wisdom. It is not my fault that I lay worry for his wellness, and I have no reason to apologies for my concern.

So, heading her words, I pursued my day ignoring him in return, watching as night fell without another word being spoken from me. Well, that was until a knock had come upon my door, a small sigh leaving my lips as I told the servants to leave me for the evening. I guess not all have taken to my need of being alone.

The knock had come once more, slightly heavier and with more meaning, “Yunhyeong-_gun_, I know that you are awake.”

“Hath you come here to tell me of my place once more, Jiwon-_sshi_?” He didn’t care about my privacy, opening the door and entering my chambers as if he belonged.

Coming straight for me, his hand entrapped my face pulling me into a kiss with more fervor than ever before. My face being devoured by a hunger that he’s never shown before. His weight pushed me flush to the ground, my hands holding onto his clothing as I kissed back with as much want. When he pulled away, I stared into his eyes watching as he took the deepest of breaths in a shudder.

“I’ve missed your warmth.” Humming, I waited for his apology not knowing if he knew what he hath done wrong. “I apologies for the way I acted among your concern. I do not wish to worry you. I only wish to uplift and bring you joy, not to tear you down and bring you sorrow.”

Pulling him against me, my arms wrapped around his broad shoulders, “I understand such a thing, but I want as much respect as I’ve given you. I am not a child.”

“Of course not.” A soft kiss was pressed against my neck, the warmth of his breath chilling me, “You’re my other half. You’re my heart.”

“Flattery will not deter me from making sure you know that I am not a child, and I will not take lightly to being treated like one.”

“You are my other half, and my heart.” Even though my glare softened, I kept steady not allowing him to get over on me.

“Jiwon-_ah_…”

“My other half and my heart…” I could feel his smile against my jaw, his arms trying to pull me deeper into him.

“Jiwon-_ah_, I am serious. Do not treat me as if I am naïve.” Turning my head until we made eye contact once more, he pressed a soft kiss to my lips, stealing my breath away for the millionth time.

“Pure as the whitest lily, yes, but you are not naïve and that is something I love you for.” Another soft kiss.

Another loving kiss, “You love me only when you are being a brute.” A kiss between my brows, smoothing away my worry lines.

“I love you no matter the emote or season. I’ll always yearn for you even in death, my beautiful prince.” Worrying my bottom lip, I pressed my lips against his own in this moment, my emotions guiding me without care.

“Will you follow me in death, if I ask of you?”

“I’ll follow you wherever, whenever, and, however. You are my other half and my heart. You are me and that is all that matters.”

Who knew a guard could make my heart flutter and my face blush?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bobby with the butter up as if he didn't burn the food in the first place...We see you!


	14. White Camellia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yun takes a test...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so it's been a week...two weeks...since I last updated and that is because I had to keep restarting this chapter as it wasn't working out in my original favor, so now this short chapter is what I have for the mean time. The next, and most wonderful, chapter will be way longer and better. I just didn't want to keep you guys waiting any longer, so i hope you enjoy and I'll update sometime around now. 
> 
> Korean Terms used in this Chapter(s):   
Gwageo - national civil service examinations under the Goryeo and Joseon dynasties of Korea.

In the time that I’ve spent being enamored with Jiwon, the _gwageo_ had arrived with silence. The reminder I had gotten being from _sonsengnim_ as he dismissed me from my studies early to rest well as the exam is an all-day thing. From dawn till dusk, we are kept and tested, our only break being a short lunch before we resumed our day. It was something I had to mentally prepare myself for the first time, sadly, this time I didn’t allow myself such a luxury.

I woke before dawn and headed out before the sun rose, a guard at my side as we made our way to the testing site. It wasn’t far from the palace which meant that I could hurry home when this is all over. The initial testing of the lower literary examination that I took over a year ago fogging my mind. The crowding, whispers and sneers at the fact that I wanted to be more than the status I was born into, filling me with a slight dread.

Not to mention when I studied hard and rightful placed first – the palace had gotten word of more than a hundred complaints. The scholars’ in charge flustered as they sat in front of my Hyung as they tried to explain something that should have never reached him in the first place. It was understandably distasteful.

It led to being one of the reasons I kept myself in my studies, not wanting to be judged on who I am. I wanted to be recognized for my mind and wisdom, not me being the 7th child to the _sangwang_. Understandably, life doesn’t work all to well in those regards.

“Your testing area is to the right, your highness.” Thanking the person, I followed his directions and coming into the vast space, I made my way into the back corner.

Ignoring the eyes that followed me and the man that trailed silently behind me. He’ll soon be dead weight in the actual corner next to me until lunch time. Until then, it is me and the infinite amount of knowledge in my head that comfort me; and as the room began to fill, the comfort did little to make me feel comfortable.

“Wet your ink blocks and prepare your brushes. The first test is to begin shortly – no talking will be allowed during testing.” Doing as told, I began to prep my area and the rest of my mind.

The first test taking place promptly after I was done. My body bent forward on my knees as I listened to the oral exam that we were taking part in. The Chinese characters finding themselves on the paper before the overseer could finish his speaking. I finished the first test of many in a decent amount of time, the backs of others still bowed as the overseer took my drying paper.

The next few tests, before lunch, followed the same with me finishing within the top three or four test takers. When lunch came around, I wanted to run home to the palace and eat in the peace of my chambers, or outside in the garden, instead I was kept among my hateful peers. Their eyes watching my every move as I got my own food while my guard walked closely behind with his. Our seating finding itself within another “corner” of a bulky tree and a bushel of unidentifiable flowers.

Not one to usually care, I forced myself to wait until my guard ate before I took a bite of my food. Everyone’s warnings of jealously leaving me more paranoid than not. When he showed signs of being fine, I only ate then ignoring the chatter of how I’m stuck up and how they are sarcastically unworthy of being in my presence. One even going as far to say that my status doesn’t leave me important enough to poison. My hand had reached out to quell the guards fight instincts, this not being the time nor the place for such physicality.

It is better to ignore than engage as I’ll be the one blamed no matter the start.

We finished lunch in our own minds before heading back to the testing area. The back corner becoming our home once more. Wetting my brush and ink block, I began the next series of test in a calming ease, only to feel my hands start clamming up as I got to the last one. The sun had long since disappeared over the mountains leaving the area surrounded in a yellow-ish glow that comes from the abundant number of lamps they decided to use. It momentarily distracting me from the facts that eyes were watching me even harder than they were the first time. They’re waiting for me to succeed so that they can later strip me of what I’ve earned with lies and deceitful concern. It makes my skin crawl and my heart race, not wanting Sunjeong to experience the humiliation that was tried upon me for a second time. I don’t even want Jiwon to catch wind of such a thing.

So, going against myself, I messed up two of the right answers that I’ve already written down, adding extra lines to change the words meaning. Does it hurt to see that I’ve been reduced by such a fear? Yes, but it is also worth it for peace and I’ll take that over anything.

Taking the last few minutes to look over my wrong answers, I forced a smile upon my lips as I watched all of the test takers file out as they handed in their ink blotted papers. Chatters and murmurs leaving the area quicker than they had come which had me standing at last. I handed the paper in taking the greeting offered to me without any thought before I left, hurrying back to my chambers so that I can sleep this away. The results will be up by mid-afternoon tomorrow, so I need to prepare myself for my actions.

I went to bed without dinner and woke up to a hearty breakfast. The servants being extra kind as I’m sure that the worry showed on my face. I lounged around until the time had come, Jiwon by my side as he was too busy to be with me yesterday.

“I’ve always walked past those boards, but I’ve never been one to actually look at it.” He stuck close as we exited the palace grounds, a bored excitement in his voice, “Do you think you did well?”

“I am happy with whatever.” A deep hum released from his throat at my nonchalant attitude.

Coming upon the board, we heard the commotion before we saw it and as we approached, I took in the smug looks of those who had taunted me yesterday. Starting at the top of the list, my eyes fell two spots down as I took in my place difference of one point. Well, third is better than first in this instance, so I’ll take it without hatred for myself.

Glancing over, Jiwon seemed to be lost in the atmosphere causing me to tug at his sleeve in order to get his attention, “Let’s go, Jiwon-_sshi_.”

“Ah, yes, your highness.” As fast as we came, we left the burden of the last few months – surely over a year – had been lifted and I’ll be receiving my 7th junior ranking in a few days’ time.

A seventh prince with a seventh junior ranking – ironic, huh?

With that far away and back in the comfort of my own skin, I found myself among the flowers, deep inhales and slow exhales leaving my nose as I relaxed. Jiwon next to me as he subtly held onto my fingers behind a thick bushel of lilies.

“When you are well rested, we shall celebrate your winnings.”

“It isn’t as if I passed first…there is no need.”

“For there is need as I’d never be smart enough or lucky enough to pass the _gwageo_ in any place especially not third. This is a winning in its own right and it shall be celebrated, my prince.”

“If you insist…”


	15. A Million Roses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A long awaited celebration....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are finally here! This is 8 pages, or almost 5,000 words, of just fluff/gooey love and smut - I've only been writing it for the last year and I haven't had many chances to perfect it fully, so I would love to get some critic. 
> 
> Other than that, I hope you guys enjoy and I will see you next week as I am on Spring Break, which means I can possibly update more - I wouldn't hold onto that as I'm shit at keeping update promises. Oh, there's a toooooon of foreshadowing in this, so keep in mind things for the next chapters moving forward. This is also the chapter that will led us into many things taking place - keep that excitement in mind as well. 
> 
> Korean Term(s) used in this chapter:  
garakji - a pair of big rings and could be worn only by married women as the duality symbolizes harmony between spouses. When the husband died, one ring would be buried together with him while the wife kept and wore the other one until her death as a symbol of faithfulness.   
dasik - a bite-size hangwa that is normally accompanied by tea. (It's basically a cookie that is designed to look like a bunch of things; i.e roses).  
jeonbok - a type of sleeveless long vest mostly worn by military personnel.   
jeogori - a basic upper garment of hanbok, covers the arms and upper part of the wearer's body.  
seokchima - underskirt (undergarment)   
heoritti - brest band   
sul - alcohol   
sangwang - former king
> 
> See you guys next update!

I was made to wait three nights for the celebration that I was told would warm a fire under my heart. I had no real clue as to what he could mean by that, although I didn’t question him further. My attention being stolen by the newest sets of duties that were sat upon my table. Stacks of papers and a never drying ink blocks filled my mornings. My back hunched as the weathering of the season ran past my back drowning out the noises of practice that the soldiers have been doing from before my birth. And when my hand starts to cramp and my eyes cannot stand the illumination that the oil lamps provide, then, and only then, do I recline myself into my chambers. My clothing being shed with aimlessness and my head hitting the pillow with a purpose only to wake and do it once more.

Even though life has been rather repetitive in everything that I’ve done, it has also kept a smile on my face. The one I have by my side in the hours that we shouldn’t meet. His rough hands smoothing flyaway and caressing any skin that he deems appropriate. I sleep well at night and when morning comes, he departs with words of a celebration that I have yet to see.

Although, it seems that tonight with the moon and stars high on the dark blanket called the sky, that I will partake in such an awaited celebration. A celebration worth its weight.

Sujeong had upgraded me from a servant to a commoner. The clothing a lighter hue of blue and the material less itchy than the cheapest cotton that was used for the servants. It made me fell somewhat sad that the lower class wasn’t allowed to indulge in such luxuries that I have been offered in my life. Although, I do know that if they continue to work hard with want then all that they desire will become theirs in due time.

But as I stood at the end of the woods once more, I looked at the other who seemed to be bouncing on the balls of his feet. An excitement I haven’t seen in him before lighting his movements ablaze. He took my hand leading me through the tuffs of nature that I’m still afraid of. Unlike the first time, he didn’t hold me close in fear of what laid beyond us, instead he gave me some free range. My legs stretching out, coming in contact with fallen pieces of trees and pointy hairs of the earth. She needs to be taken care of better – a trim and nice cleaning here and there. She needs love.

The rushing sounds of water took me from my inquiring, our bodies hurriedly passing by the sight he was so adamant on showing me a month or more earlier. How even long have we been in this palace of our own? How long had we been in the garden planting and watering seeds that have only begun to sprout not so long ago?

It makes me wonder. It makes me wonder if we’ll be together ‘til the end of our shared lifetime? The other, as my elder, will surely go first unless I catch some illness. Even then, will he be by my side as I’ll be by his? Will he fight his way towards me in my last breath as I would to him? The answer is there, but every time I dare to step over the line of lasting love, the answer becomes blurred. The answer disappears.

“Yunhyeong-_ah_, lets hurry before it is ruined.” Wanting to question him, I instead held back knowing not to ruin a surprise.

The shack that we had taken shelter in once before had come into view, the other pulling me closer with vigor, “Is it to pour?”

“No, it is to be beautiful tonight.” His hand rested on the old wooden door, a smile gracing his features in the handsomest of lights. “As beautiful as you are, my prince.”

My face blazed in the moonlight it basks in. The other pulling me inside, the room well lit unlike how it was when we first saw it. I let his hand go to taken in the surprise that he had surely worked hard on. His spare time was rather limited these days meaning that what little time he did have, he spent it here before running to be within my arms. He must be exhausted. How could I be so selfish not to notice his fatigue?

“Did I do well to your standards, your highness?” Agreeing as he decorated the setting well with many flower petals and a sheet for seating – it was beyond any standard I could ever thing of having. “Sit, I’ll get the rest of it.”

Nodding, I sat on the sheet, my _chima_ flowing and gathering around my legs as I fixed myself until comfortable. My eyes still wandering as I took in the many oil lamps that he surely carried from the palace to here. There was a sweet smell to the room, either being baked goods or perfume – it made my smile uncontrollable as he really went out of his way, doing the best that he could. Ah, I really do love him.

“Apologies, it was hard to find,” Turning my head, I took in his figure as it came through the door closing it behind him, a bundle of things within his arms. “Since, we are celebrating your excellence, you get to choose what to indulge in first,” He sat down an array of things from alcohol to games, even pulling baked goods from a secret spot I hadn’t even taken notice of.

I glanced everything ever before settling on the baked goods. I held back on dinner as he told me to meet him like usual, which meant that we would be stuffing ourselves with junk from town or he’d be sending me on a wild goose chase. Neither needing to be done on a full stomach as it leads to uncomfortable circumstances later on.

“Can I?” Reaching forward, I took one of the _dasik_, the color of no importance to me as the smell was rather mouthwatering.

He nodded in a matter-of-fact way, so popping it between my lips, I pushed it inside slowly savoring the taste as it slipped past the tip of my tongue. Once fully concealed, I bit down listening to the loud crunch as it popped my ears, the flavor from inside spreading itself across my taste buds and down my throat. A hum of appreciation leaving me as he must have gotten one of the cooks to make them for him.

The sound of him clearing his throat had me lifting my eyes from the plate to see that he was staring at me. It was without thought as I lifted another _dasik_, bringing it to his lips without an ounce of hesitation, “Try some, Jiwon-_ah_, it’s good.”

There was minor hesitation before he opened his lips, the cookie slipping past with my fingers as I pushed until it disappeared. His lips wrapping around my fingers before pulling off as if he had just cleaned them. My heart sped up, an animalistic look in his eyes that had me turning with a blush as I tried to find a way around this sudden feeling of heat.

“H-How about something to drink, hm?” He agreed without worry, a kettle and two bowls being sat between us.

“I got whatever _sul _I could find at the market. It wasn’t expensive so do not fret, Prince-_sshi.” _Flipping my eyes, I swatted at his knee as this teasing will not go on any longer. “Have you ever drunk before?”

“On small occasions although it isn’t more than a single swallow. The King and _sangwang _scared to ruin my intelligence with the curse that _sul _brings.” With my words, he drilled the kettle it’s silver shine showing his reflection of worry. “If you are worried, then you shalt’t be as my intelligence has preserved thus far.”

“Then I shalt’t.” A milky white colored liquid fell from the kettle spout glazing the walls of the first bowl until half full, then doing the same to the other. “A toast, to celebrate the mind of a prince ever so great. To a prince that offers only kindness and warmth. To the prince who has stole my heart and being. To you, Prince Yunhyeong, a beauty among beauties.”

The clank of our bowls had me looking down into my own. An answer presenting itself with no means to disappear. A love everlasting like a field full of a million roses. It made me swoon and yearn for the one who downed his bowl in the manliest of manners.

I’m in love with a man, who is deeply in love with me.

Trying to mimic him like a child with a deep admiration, I choked slightly, white spilling from the corners of my lips as I tried to calm myself. He came to me in laughter, hand patting and soothing my back and chest until I had gotten ahold of myself. Laughter soon bubbling out of me at how foolish I must look.

“Slowly, I would hate for you to waste away so soon,” Our distance had decreased, our faces sharing breathes and breathing in sweet alcohol peaked air.

A shy smile was all I could offer as he gave me a wide grin, his scent mingling with our air, “Should I – No, I have something to say, will you listen, my loyal guard?”

“This body including these ears are all yours.”

“Then, will you tell me you love me before I speak my mind?” He said it enough for it to be ingrained in my spirit, though I do love when he says it.

His eyebrows furrowed, face moving marginally away from my own in confusion, “I-Is this the end?”

“No, no, no, apologies, I did not mean for it to sound such a way. I merely meant to hear it before I say it.” Frantic panic turned into a shy calm as I took his hands in my own to sooth.

I would never leave him even if forced to.

He rushed me, lips holding onto my own as he professed a love subtly but entirely its own. And once he pulled away, in the roughest most loving voice, he whispered upon the stars in my eyes, “I love you. I love you” as if possessed into a chant.

“Until the end of eternity? Even as we turn to dust and become the stars that fill the dark sky? Will you love me until we aren’t even a thought anymore?”

One nod. Two nods. Then a quick kiss, “Is that a proposal, my prince?” A – hm.

I only spoke what was on my heart, so neither being able to confirm or deny, I brought my bowl to my lips once more. This time taking reasonable sips until the rest had disappeared. My face heating up and feeling the vibrance that is red.

“You are cute, my prince.” Taking ahold of my face, he leaned in once more, “I accept your proposal, but I chose to be the husband role as you are too sweet to be anything but my beautiful wife.”

“A wife with no _garakji, _then it does not count my dear husband.” Wiggling my fingers in jest, he moved the _sul_ out of the way in favor of wrapping me in his arms.

“Woe is me! For I have failed of my first duty as your spouse, send me to be lynched and I’ll shall return a better man.” I couldn’t stop myself from laughing, the theatrics of it all tickling me deeply. “Or you can punish me yourself. I await your heavy hand.”

Bring my hands upon his face, I kissed everywhere I could reach leaving his lips for last. Our tongues tangled the past taste of alcohol disappearing under a sweetness that is all our own. It caused my arms to wrap tightly around his neck, as his hands rested upon my waist. Neither of us breaking apart bad we continued to dive into each other, tasting the treasures of a hidden world.

Jiwon pulled away first, chest heaving as if all the air had been stolen from his lungs, “Will you allow me…?” The implication was there and knowing what this would do to us, I agreed.

It isn’t as if the thought hadn’t passed in my mind in the late hours when I should have been asleep. My mind wandering to the chapters in books that spoke of the scandalous part of romance. I couldn’t help but wonder how it would go when we got there. Although rather brass and rough, Jiwon is also gentle and sweet, so I held no worries on how I would be treated. It was more so to the effect of if I’ll wither in pleasure like the women, begging for more uncontrollably or would I be shy and take it in the gentleness that it is given. Father would have my head if he knew I read such erotic things, the thin books hidden in between the pages of thicker novels.

Getting out of my head, I watched in caution, his hands moving from my waist to my chest. Fingers grabbing ahold of the thick strings that were tied to perfection, and with one pull it was gone. The _jeogori_ falling apart at its opening to reveal the _heoritti_ that lays beneath. He worked with a calm force removing articles of clothing until I was left in only my _sokchima_, the garments underneath that being stripped away to leave me rather bare to the elements. The winds of a mid-spring night bringing forth a chill.

“I’ll give you my _jeonbok_, so that you won’t be too bare, okay?” Agreeing, I watched him undress before he was helping me pull my arms through the _jeonbok_ which led to my _sokchima _disappearing.

I wrapped myself in his clothing until he had finished. My eyes soaking in the lamp lit escapades that he calls muscle. His body solid in a way that I could only admire. He went for his pants causing me to cover my eyes, bashfulness coming over me in waves like the heat. I dare not look in order to not spoil my eyes with an undeserved blessing.

“Yunhyeong-_ah_, why do you cover your eyes?” The feeling of him moving closer, this time obviously in his birth form, had me curling in on myself. “Is my body not to your liking?”

“No – I mean, it is a godly body and I am thankful for it, though that doesn’t mean I am not a maiden in a sense.” I was so forward and, now, I am only a timid mess – he clearly must think of me as a fool. 

‘He’ll clearly leave’, is a thought that begun to plague my mind the longer I sat with my eyes covered, but he did the opposite, leaning in until our lips brushed and his fingers circled my wrist, “It is only right for a maiden so fair and lovely to only present her chastity to her husband, am I right?”

“Y-You are, but that doesn’t make me any less nervous, Jiwon-_ah_.” My eyes were set free within seconds, our eyes meeting and ultimately blocking me from the view of him chest, down. “W-Will you treat me gently?”

“Like a precious jewel, I have the intent to be anything but harsh with you. I cherish you and your body – I would never harm you.” He’s right, he’d never do anything to harm me as I would never do the same to him, so what am I fretting over? “Do you have faith in me?”

A strong nod and the delicate parting of my legs allowed him room to make his next judgement, “Then I shall leave my faith in you on this plentiful night, the stars and the moon giving us their blessings to consummate this marriage.”

Laying me among the sheet covered in a mess of petals, he began his journey of pressing gentle kisses wherever he deemed fit. Against my neck, chest, and stomach only to return to bite lightly on my ears. The feeling of it all making me squirm. Words of devotion and love being whispered with each kiss and touch. He’s making me fall deeper – a sinkhole with no way out.

“You are a beauty that cannot be explained simply with words,” Sitting back on his knees, we both stared at each other, chest heaving as if unsure of what is to come next.

His compliment was well needed, the gentle nature that he took putting out my nerves, “I know that we are already this far, but I must ask before we continue. Is this the same for me as it is for you?”

“To lie with such a gentle, pure, soul – yes, it is a first, but I mustn’t lie as I’ve had two partners before you. Although, both possessed parts that you do not. It does not deter me from doing as I would if you were the opposite sex.” Two partners? This life has sadly afforded me none even in my wealth – I’m surely behind.

Taking my silence as an answer in itself, he moved away vaguely before coming back, a long vile of something gleaming in the glow of the lights, “You must have been prepared for this outcome.”

“Never, as it would only be an upmost disrespect to you.” The cap came off, the liquid thickly coating his fingers. “An acquaintance gave it to me with words of making a beautiful family with the maiden I sneak off with in the night. He left me no room to object, running off once it was stuffed among my possessions.”

The absurdity of it all made me snicker, only for it to be taken away by a sharp intake of breath. A finger probing with minor push. It breached through, the uncomfortableness of it all causing my body to tense. He came back over me, “I’ll need you to relax, beautiful, unless you’d like to experience pain.” Shaking my head, I bit into my bottom lip, harshly, the taste of copper taking my mind away enough to allow him to push even further.

“I love you, Yunhyeong-_ah_. I love these glistening eyes and pink lips. I love your fair skin, the softness of it making my heart beat tenfold. I love…” I listened to his list that seemed to be a mile long, the afterthought of his finger pushing in and out of me, having come and gone as I melted into his words.

It continued on this way, until I felt another finger probing its way inside. A yelp of surprise leaving me as my fingers dug into the shoulders of the one who’s only want is to bring me pleasure. It hurt – no, it burned. The feeling more unpleasant than the first, that even his words of comfort did nothing to stop the furrow from leaving my brows. He didn’t halt though, continuing on with words of praise until the feeling became nothing more than a dull sensation, a deep breath leaving me once the pain had subsided.

“Would you like me to continue or should we end here for the night? I cannot ignore your discomfort for much longer.” We’ve already gotten this far, so to stop now would be preposterous.

So, racking my brain for the right words to say in such a situation, I blurted out the first thing that came, “I want you,” he leaned somewhat away in surprise, “s-so, let’s continue, please,” the feeling of his lips against my own assured me that this surely isn’t the end.

Retracking his fingers, he moved around until fully situated between my legs, face close to my own as he gave me another kiss. The pressure from the first time had become even more intense, my legs wrapping around his waist as his manhood continued its journey inside, only stopping when he realized he had no more room to move.

“Yunhyeong-_ah_, relax or else you’ll bleed.” The talk of blood had me tightening even more, a thought of not wanting this anymore passing with a quick wave.

“Blood? I do not do well with blood, Jiwon-_ah_!”

“Relax and let me sooth you, my prince.” Agreeing, I tried my hardest to relax, my muscles not knowing what to do as I clung onto him even tighter, “hush, my beauty, I got you.”

Once fully seated inside, he rested his head upon my naked shoulder, the feeling of his sweat against my own making me realize that he wasn’t the only one nervous about messing this up. This is our first time – my very first time – and with him being my everything, it is only right for me to wish that this happens as lovely and easily as possible. Sadly, my books have not told of the true pains that come with such a consummation. Just like how romance doesn’t speak of its bad times.

“Is something amusing, my love?” I had no means to start giggling, neither did I mean to be found out that my thoughts were elsewhere so blatantly. “No worries, I will not chastise you for finding jest in this moment as I have been thinking rather dubious thoughts myself.”

We shared a look, laughter bubbling from the both of us only for it to be halted with a kiss. The slide of our tongues and lit nipping of our lips had his hips moving in the shortest of thrust – it was more of a grind, if I have to suppose. It was a rather pleasant feeling that made my insides knot and flutter.

“Y-You can -,” I had no words to put to what actions he could further upon, thankfully he understood leaving me to enjoy the sensation of his body against my own.

His hips pulling back before pushing in, short thrusts that had him leaving my warmth to hover above me. The look in his eyes directed towards where we are connected. A roll of his hips letting out a sound that I have never heard from myself before. He continued with those short thrusts until my noises were encouraging him to do more.

That began a brutal assault. His hips pistoling in and out of me with a speed that I never knew the other to possess. But even with the movement of his hips, he paid more than enough attention to me, his hands massaging my thighs and sides while his lips spoke to me in a language that defiled my ears. I soaked it all in, a whining beg of him to slow a bit, only encouraging him. My nails digging further into his arms as he deflowered me with sweet abandonment.

We continued on in this way. A tightness that held the knot in my stomach taunt, had me begging the other to take notice of the place that had me breathless. He did so without missing a thrust. My legs wrapping around his waist even tighter than before as he sent me to the stars themselves. A long-winded sound soon leaving me as I released all over myself. The feeling of him everywhere and in only one place made my body tremble from the pleasure of it all.

He soon followed after, a grunt of my name falling from his lips along with further confirmations of our love. I repeated after him, my mind lost in its own space, the feeling of him leaving me, bringing me back into the moment. The emptiness and ache, a reminder of what had just taken place.

With closed eyes, I asked the only concern that had plagued my mind, “Am I bleeding?”

A muffled laugh told me all that I could imagine, “You are safe, my prince, although –,” I moved with a groan to try and sit up only to be laid back down, “I jest. You are as beautiful as you were before I consummated this wonderful marriage of ours.”

Relaxing, my head was placed upon his sweaty chest, his hand smoothing the ruins that have become my hair. The braid more than loose leaving strands to stick on every inch of skin that it could. It was a feeling that almost lulled me to sleep, if it had not been for the cold breeze that filtered through a gated window above the old wooden door. Sounds of nature telling me that not everyone wish to sleep, instead running around in play or hunt – either or unknown to me. But, even though, I was restless that didn’t mean much for Jiwon as gentle snores filled my ears. His head practically on top of my own, the weight of it comforting me in ways that I never knew possible.

Love – it is a strange thing. Because no matter how many times we find ourselves irate with one another, or without understanding, we always find ourselves back to each other. This feeling of want stronger than it was when we left one another in that time.

If only I was a woman, would I be able to marry and bare him a litter of children. They would resemble him and come crying to me when injured. I would tend to all of their wounds as I have tended to their father’s plenty of times before. They would fall asleep upon my bosoms with proclamations of loving me and how they never want to part with me. Once able to leave the nest, our sons will become soldiers like their father while our daughters would stay home in wait for the one that they wished to marry. Neither of us forcing them into a situation that they don’t find pleasing to be in. At last, these are only wishes that’ll do nothing to change this love that we have right now.

An everlasting love that does not require a womb, or children. A love so everlasting that it was blessed upon by the stars and seen in the grace of the moon. A love that is all mine.

Shedding myself of his _jeonbok_, I draped it over our tangled bodies in order to provide him with some warmth that allowed me to be even closer. He slept while I laid awake listen to the dull thumps of his heart that seemed so far away, although close at the same time. And when the sky lightened only the smallest amount, I maneuvered myself from underneath his arms to sit upon my knees. My arm crossing itself over my chest while the other rested between my legs to continue to provide myself some type of warmth, as the _jeonbok_ only covered my bottom and feet.

The breeze from last night, not as strong as it was in the very deep of night, dried my skin even further allowing me to tilt my head without the sticky feeling. A soft smile coming upon my face with the continuous rise of the sun, and although, we’ll have to part in a moment's time, it leaves me content to know that we’ll be seeing each other even after we part.

“The heavens have blessed me with a sight most pleasing to me it seems.” Tilting my head towards him, his hands reached out resting upon my thigh. “An angel with modest, is an angel to be kept.”

“Here I am thinking I am a wife, when in fact I am an angel ordained by the heavens. I wonder what my husband will do when it is my time to go back to my place?”

“He will hold onto you and be lifted to the heavens with you. Pride in my chest as I tell the universe of how you’ve turned dirt into sugar and stone into a jelly.” I rested my hand upon his own, my chest still covered as I sighed in content.

He soon rose, his own hair in disarray of its own. It brought forth my hundredth giggle as it was a sight more amusing than my own. We dressed, and fixed each other’s clothing until presentable, our hair having to be done in styles that they weren’t originally in. As lack of a brush and comb hindered us from our usual grooming.

The lamps were blew out and everything put away to be gotten at a later time, and from there we exited the shack that housed our love, “Careful, as I wish for you to not injury yourself.”

“For I am sore, but fine, I shan’t hurt myself, Jiwon-_ah_.” Pressing a kiss to my temple, we continued on our journey home, his face screwed in an unreadable expression.

I stopped our movement once towards the edge of the forest, the grounds only a step-in front of us. With a turn of determination, I pucker my lips in a silence ask for a kiss. He leaned down, a press of his lips against my own only to pull away and press another one. This time I opened my eyes, that bashful feeling coming back as I took in his face, stray hairs flying around like the first time we had met.

“See you in my dreams?”

“As I shall see you in my thoughts.” One final kiss, and we parted ways, Sujeong meeting me as always.

A nod to Jiwon before we disappeared behind the palace walls. Her voice asking a million and one questions that I dared not answered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost forgot!
> 
> I am currently working on a few other stories and wondered which one you guys would like to see next, so here are the choices:
> 
> 1\. A stripper/Criminal AU - I've always wanted to write one, so ideas started spilling and I have a little something but it needs major work, especially since I'm having a hard time drawing pole dancing. I'm thinking it'll be a two "book" series with the first being how Yunbob meet and the second being their lives afterward.
> 
> 2\. Affair AU - For some reason, I have this unhealthy obsession with writing binyunbob with some type of affair going on between two of them, while the other two are the actual couple. Sadly, this isn't really that kind of story - it's Yunbob but the extra person is a no name female that I haven't really put much thought into. (I've also been writing a ton of Yunbob for some reason as well - new favorite otp? I do have some Yunbin one-shots but they are still very much in the beginning stages of development). 
> 
> 3\. A/B/O AU - This has been a definite always wanted to try kind of thing, but it is way harder than it looks - personally. Because I don't know which direction to fully go in because I can do mpreg or I can leave it as just a normal relationship with those dynamics. Then it comes down to the type of Omega that I want Yun to be as he can be intersex or fully male - I don't know, but if chosen it would need a lot of communication and deeper research. 
> 
> 4\. Lastly, I have the Idol AU that I ended Misty Eyes in order to work on. Now, with this one, even if chosen, I don't think i'll put it out until later in the year (in the late fall/early winter) as I haven't - nevermind, but, yeah, it won't come out until then for reasons that are very seeable about somethings that I don't think I really have to point out. Then again, such topics will be making heavy showing in the story as its mainly problems I have with the k-pop industry and fandoms. 
> 
> Along with these stories, I will try and put out one-shots that have to do with other otps. I also kinda want to go back and edit other one-shots that I feel can be a hundred times better now that I'm more comfortable writing smexy stuff. 
> 
> I'll see you guys later in the comment section, for now, toodles~


	16. Baby Breath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A kingdom that is blessed...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The update is finally here! I prioritized finishing an older story that was coming to an end, and now that it is over, I am here to finish this story and whatever other things I decide to post. 
> 
> This chapter is kind of sad, well towards the end that is - but that's all I'm really giving away. You also get to meet someone only spoken of in passing as her character comes into heavy play at the end of the story (not in a bad way though?). Also, Sunjeong's name was spelled totally wrong in the last few chapters and I didn't really know until I was looking for something I wrote a while back (oops). ALSO, I kept messing up and calling Yunhyeong the 7th prince, when he's the 3rd prince and 6th royal sibling! It should have been said like that since the first time I wrote it but I kept forgetting (double oops). 
> 
> Here's a link that explains royal childbirth in Joseon, since there isn't really - no there is, but forget whatever I was going to say. Link: https://www.usfca.edu/sites/default/files/pdfs/app_xii1_4_kim.pdf 
> 
> Korean term(s) used in this chapter:  
Changduk - It's in reference to Changduk/Changdeok Palace. It served as a resting place for for the royal family and it is also where they sent pregnant queens in order for a stress free pregnancy.   
Seonsil-chong - Delivery Office for the Queen. You can read up on them in the link provided, if you scroll down to 'The Birthing Process'.   
The rest of the italic is things that I've already spoken on in previous chapters. 
> 
> *Sunjeong is rather old in pertaining to being married (remember she is the same age as Yunhyeong (17)), but we don't really care as I'll continue to bend history in the way that I want to. 
> 
> Other than that ENJOY!

Time had passed since our first night. The both of us indulging in pleasure rather scantly, although, he taught me plenty in the time that is such limited to us. This time frame that I devoted to only us, had taken away from the time I usually spent with Hyun. His cloth covered feet always padding towards me when I’m too tired or busy with work to entertain him for more than a second. The small back turning away in sadness before taking the hands of his advisor that warns me not to put my health in danger. As if I would allow such turmoil, though that doesn’t mean, I haven’t heeded to his words.

With work mostly done, and a conversation with Jiwon, I found myself floating down the halls in excitement. The thought of being in the presences of innocence making me more thrilled than not. The sight of my sibling radiating my bones with a renewed vigor that I haven’t come upon since I came of age. Not even Jiwon, sadly, could make me feel like this.

I knocked once, twice, on the door leading into the study prior to peeking my head in, “If it isn’t the 7th ranking junior official, what can we do for you, your highness?”

Smiling at Hyun’s advisor, he already knew that I was here to take the youngest prince under my wing for the day, “I have come to bless myself with the presence of our lord, Hyun-_nim_.”

At the mention of his name, he bolted from his spot, head and arms taking ahold of my legs as he held on in an effort that showed he didn’t want to let go. I placed my hand at the base of his head, a gentle rub as to not mess up the topknot that he’s only recently gotten to wear as his day of birth will be upon us shortly. His _hogeon_ will find itself in a trunk similar to how all my stuff from youth is, placed in our mother’s quarters only to be looked upon in memory. Thanking the advisor, we left the room, the younger soon finding himself upon my back as it made for a kinder way to get around.

“So, where to, your highness? My time is yours.” I could feel his smile against my neck, my hands patting his butt as he thought on what he wanted today to consist of.

“Let’s head to the kitchen, as I am famished, my prince.” Snickering at his words, I raced us to the kitchen, his noises of delight fueling our journey as we made our way around the palace.

Once at the kitchen, Hyun slid from my back making his way towards the head chef who greeted him with respectful enthusiasm. He returned the same. Upon hearing his complaints of hunger, she looked between us, a non-verbal meaning that had us both sitting upon handcrafted seating in wait for what she’d cook for us.

“Besides food, is there anything else you’d like to achieve today?” He hummed, fist balled under his chin in thought, the sight making me snort.

“Ah, I haven’t seen _noona_ in some time. Do you think she’ll be able to accept us for a moment?” It has been some time for him as it’s been a few nights for me.

The other too busy in her own ways to receive me like she once did. It would be nice to pole and prod her as she does me.

“You are her prince, she’ll always accept you, Hyun-_gun_.” The lightening of his eyes had become even brighter as a small snack-sized meal was sat between us.

“We’ll be preparing lunch in a short amount of time, and I need you two to continue to grow strong, so this will hold you over until then.” We both thanked her, a nod and smile being our welcome, before she sat in a corner going over the ingredients for our next meal.

I watched her for a moment prior to turning back to Hyun, who had already begun to stuff his face with food, “Slowly, my prince. You wish not to waste away so soon, correct?”

A soft, muffled, apology left his lips as he ate slower, appreciating the meal rather than sucking it in without thought. I picked at the plate eating what the younger wouldn’t. I wasn’t particularly hunger nor was I in the mood to snack, so this will suffice for now.

It didn’t take long for the younger to finish. Moans on his lips about being full, which left me to finishing off the meal. As taught, he gathered his used dishes, putting them in the bin to be washed for later use. We both thanked the head chef once more before we left the kitchen. Hands held tightly together as the younger went on a chaotic rant over the things that he’s learned in the time that I’ve been absent.

I engaged him. Wanting to be sure that he actually learned what he should and not just took it in passing. He was reciting a poem he learned, one that I knew by heart since youth, leaving me to correct him for the wrong pronunciation of words. It made them sound like something it wasn’t and I didn’t want him to punish for saying something that he shouldn’t have. Turning the corner that lead to the Queen’s court, we both caught sight of Jiwon as he was silently listening to another guard talk to him about something we couldn’t quite hear.

“Guard-_sshi_!” Both of their heads turned, the guard that I didn’t know greeted us both before leaving Jiwon to stand in the hall alone. “What are you doing?”

As he did many times before, he bowed deeply in greeting to Hyun, a warm smile covering his face as he stood to answer, “I am patrolling the halls, your highness. Might I ask to what it is that you are doing?”

“We’re on our way to visit, _mama_.” Our eyes met, a hum leaving his lips in return to Hyun’s answer – I broke eye-contact first. “Would you be available to play later, guard-_sshi_?”

“Sadly, I cannot answer to surely to that at this moment, your highness. Although, if free, I’ll seek you out in order to fulfill your want.” That had Hyun bouncing on his hells once more, a pulling on my hand as he repeated what Jiwon had said.

“Hyun, thank him for his consideration.” Pushing him slightly, he bowed with a loud thank you that had Jiwon and I holding back out laughter. “Go see if _Mama_ can be seen at this moment. I’ll be right behind you.”

“Don’t take too long, Hyung.” Shooing him, he left with a quick wave to Jiwon, and soon it was only us.

The older began to approach me, sword and boots making enough noise to rival the beating of my heart. I stayed still, not daring to approach him for reason unknown to myself. The feeling of his body brushing against my own, and his arm wrapping around my waist, pulling me into his side had my eyes darting around to be sure that no one saw us. Being caught, now, would be more than devastating that relieving.

“Your beard is growing in, guard-_sshi_.” It was a soft whisper, my mind not in the right place to try and speak louder.

The hand resting on my waist moved onto my lower back, our bodies even closer than they were a moment ago, “I’ll be waiting for your time. You can shave it and remind me of how you’ve bloomed, Yunhyeong-_gun_.”

A quick squeeze had him pulling away before I could tell him of how much of a brute he is. Instead, I followed him with my eyes, head turning to watch him disappear around the corner that we had just rounded. He is correct, a saint he is not and will never be.

Continuing with my original purpose, I made my presence known to the two behind the screen covered door prior to entering the room. The sight I came upon was a heartwarming one. Hyun was in Sunjeong’s lap, talking with her as he showed her the _yeseo_ that he has come to finally master in a way. Not wanting to disturb, I sat next to the two in my normal spot by the window – only difference being is that it is shut leaving me to stare at the wood fixings. A small breeze filtering through the cracks to give the room a cooling.

“Yunhyeong-_sshi_, how has the season been treating you since the last time we spoke?”

I took in Hyun in her lap, knowing not to speak of my actual late-night rendezvouses, “The flowers are still blooming, in rapid succession, I believe.”

“Rapidly? I hope they do not wither from how fast that are blooming.” She released a small noise that had me straightening.

I watched a moment as she helped Hyun fix his writing, a few thoughts filtering through my mind, “Is there something you’d wish to say in regard to the current state of gardening?”

Her eyes met my own, head tilting as if in thought, “If there is something to be said, then you know I would have said it from the beginning, Yunhyeong-_sshi_. I am simply voicing my concern, nothing less or more.”

“Hyung! Look this over for me, please.” Hyun interrupted the conversation, his small body falling within my lap as he pushed the paper into my hands.

I gave Sunjeong one last look before turning my attention to what Hyun had been writing. Praise rained from my lips as he had done well. His writing could be neater, though it was better than it had been the last time I had looked at it. He beamed at my words telling me what Sunjeong had helped him fix and what he had done right all on his own. A precious soul. A soul that needs to be preserved for those who are the most deserving.

His talking didn’t last long. He soon fell asleep in my arms with his head upon my shoulder. The action telling that it was his down time prior to lunch taking place. I rubbed his back wanting to be sure that he slept comfortably. We can not have him being moody as it does something to the kingdom when he isn’t his usual bubbly self.

“Have you heard?” The softness of his voice broke me from my mothering to see that she was watching the both of us with fondness.

Shaking my head, I racked it in wonder to what exactly she could possible be speaking on, “Heard what, _mama_?” There isn’t much going on for me to hear anything of importance, anyways.

“I’ll bring it up in a moment, I think at this moment it would be best to rely good speaking instead of ill.” Ill speaking? Against the crown? Or her? “I am with child. The kingdom has been blessed.”

My mouth fell, this is rather great news, and for her to be with child in such a quick time after marriage, is exceptional. A blessing indeed.

“As are you, _mama_, I wish for great health and understanding to be lent your way doing this time.” Giving her a well-deserved smile, she returned it with her hand on my knee, it slightly brushing against the fabric of Hyun’s hanbok. “I’m sure Hyung is rather enthusiastic to this news.”

“Your highness is without knowledge to this matter and I would like it if it stayed that way for a moment.” Confusion had gripped me at her words, Hyung should have been among the first to know of his achievement, not I. “I know, it sounds rather selfish, though it is within a reason good to myself. As I’ve only just come here, and still without all knowledge of what the palace has to offer, it would be nice to be among the palace walls for a moment longer. To be sent to _Changduk _and have to learn of that place without any real knowledge of this place leaves me dreadful. Not to mention, I’ll be hounded by the _seonsil-chong _once it is brought to light makes me even more so.”

“Then how many know as of yet?”

“Myself, my main servant, as she dresses and tends to me, and you, my prince.” It is within a servant right to gossip and speak to the King in regard to the Queen, so how is she so sure that this hasn’t already reached him? “Do not fret, she has been sworn to secrecy and knows of the troubles that are surely to arise if she speaks out before I am ready.”

I could only nod in understanding as it really isn’t my place to say more. I do not know if the woes of childbirth nor do I know of the woes of carrying said child to its birth. Books and teaching can only help you so much, especially for a male that hasn’t been married yet.

“Then, I am sworn to secrecy as well.” She gave me a thankful bow that had me scoffing at her politeness. “Is there any more good speaking? Or is it time for this ill speaking?”

“Oh, I almost forgot what it is that I wanted to speak of,” Her lies weren’t good enough for the ounce of distress that she brought upon my heart at her stalling, “there is gossip.”

“Gossip? Pertaining to?”

“They speak of a guard entering your chambers long after sun fall and exiting before sunrise. As I already know about the situation, it is within my write to tell you to tread careful. I do not wish for such talk to reach your highness and the _sangwang_, it would end rather sadly for the both of you.” I could only blink in shock.

We were careful, had always been, so that such a thing could never happen. Who is watching that closely to know of such a thing? Who has ran their mouth instead of gloating to me about such knowledge?

I wanted to fall over, but the weight of Hyun kept me grounded. I-I’ll figure something out, surely. Although what I’m to propose will surely not sit well with Jiwon. Pain is around every corner, and it sneaks upon you in the most unconventional ways.

“Um, thank you, _mama_, for your words. I’ll head to them the best that I can. For now, I’ll return Hyun to our mother’s chambers as they’ve been keen to dinning together as of late.” She agreed, steadying me as I stood, not wanting to wake or drop the soul in my embrace. “Let’s speak another day.”

“I’ll be waiting.” Nodding, I left her presence, the door sliding closed behind me with a click that sounded only loud to me.

What am I to do?

The way to our mother’s quarters was far from where we stayed. Her status hiding her from the eyes of the people who she hath come from. A hiding that I’ve never understood, or therefore cared to, her hands shushing me as she told me that she is content. She is content to have provided her King two beautiful sons, and if that resulted in her current being, then she’d do it a hundred times over.

A rationality in love that I’ve come to sympathize with.

Knocking upon her door, it didn’t take long for her to welcome me in, a lungful smile on her features as its been some time since we’ve last shared the same space. To be honest, I think it was shortly after my coming-of-age. Our next time, if not for this, would have been Hyun’s birth celebration. Our paths too far and few to allow for a proper conversation let alone crossing. I missed her warm smiles and embrace. A mother’s touch long forgotten.

“My beautiful children. Sit, sit.” Heading her words, I laid Hyun among the covered flooring that she rested upon, and I sat across from her at the table that held tea. “Have you come to join us for lunch? If so, let me catch a servant and let her know.”

“Mother, that is quite alright, I’ve only come to allow Hyun to properly rest and see your face,” It was gentle – her caress – it almost brought me to tears how gentle it was.

“My son, you are always welcomed, so never feel like a stranger, okay?” Nodding, she reached over planting an even gentler kiss on my forehead. “I apologize for never send word of congratulations to your ranking. It was brought to my attention rather late and your father wasn’t at all kind in his regard to it.”

Of course, he wouldn’t be, though such a thing holds little significance at the moment, “Thank you, mother. I couldn’t have made it this far if not for your encouraging words in my youth.”

“Nonsense, my child. You were blessed from the moment you were conceived, and I won’t say it any other way.” This sudden sentiment of sadness washed over me as I listened to her words – I wish I could see myself in the light that she has bestowed upon me. “Now, I have a gift for you. Stay seated, child.”

Snickering, I kept to my seat, watching her in all her elegance. She didn’t look a spring over 20, and if not for her birthing me, I wouldn’t have thought otherwise. She was beautiful. It made sense as to why father hides her away – afraid for someone more worthy to take her hand and show her the wonders of life. The baby face that she held all throughout my youth and early teens, had melted into kind, sharp, features that didn’t need the enhancement that came with makeup. A deity, and nothing less.

I used to wish to stay within her arms longer, tired of leaving her for the lengthy amounts of time that I had to. It didn’t take long for me to understand the ways of this life, but even as an adult, I still wish to stay within her arms. I wish to tell her of my love and how it has made me happy. Knowingly, that will never be possible as this love isn’t something that can openly spoken on. It leaves an even deeper sadness.

“I know it isn’t as grand as the ladies, but I worked hard on it and I think it suits you perfectly, my prince.” She sat clutching something towards her chest, and after a deep breath, she presented an embroidered pouch that held at most three writing brushes. “I tried not to use too many colors, though I think it came out rather well. What do you suppose?”

I took the pouch with trembling hands, and the moment they touched, I couldn’t stop the rain pour from my eyes. She moved quickly to wipe the tears away and I was even quicker to tell her that these were tears of joy. Of love.

“If so, then why do I not see a smile on this face that I have produced?” Apologizing, I leaned into her embrace trying my hardest to get myself together. “I do not know what makes you feeling this way, but it is okay to shed to tears. I will welcome every last drop, and when they are to dry, I will nurture to the happiness that you are used to.”

“T-Thank you, I’ll cherish it, mother. I adore it.” She said nothing, continuing to hold me.

I cried not only for the gift. I cried for the unknown future of what’s to become of all the love that has entered my life. I cry for this weak heart of mine. I cry for the birth of a future king.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if you guys realized, but the chapter titles hold significance to in element in each chapter. This will also hold a significance at the end, but I'll only tell you then.


	17. Begonias and Purple Hyacinth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Beginning of an End...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! When I say school and my job have been giving me the run around with everything that's going on - whew! Anyhow, I finally completed this after a few days of not knowing how I want to start this, and then another few days of trying to figure some things out, then just giving up and writing until it felt good to me. Things are about to get crazy from here on out, so hold onto your pearls and enjoy these last few chapters. P.S: The last two will be in Bobby's POV...ooooooooo. P.P.S: I'm going to fix the tags, add a few more and whatnot so if it looks a little different that is why.
> 
> Korean Term(s) used in this chapter:  
Baji - Pants  
*The rest of been explained and used many of times before. 
> 
> Enjoy and I'll see you guys later!

I found myself within my mother and brother’s presence through the rest of the afternoon and well into the evening. Leaving only after dinner, wishes of sweet dreams falling from my lips that they returned with the same enthusiasm. I held on gently to the embroidered pouch, my eyes taking it in with every few steps, my mind telling me to not forget it. To focus all of myself into it – and, I had every intention of doing just that.

Entering the hall to my chambers, I caught immediate sight of Jiwon, his figure looming aimlessly in front of my door. I waited for a moment to see what exactly he was doing, though in the end, he continued looming with no real thought.

“What are you doing, Jiwon-_sshi_?” He stilled at my voice, body becoming rigid as his head turned to look at me.

“I’ve come to speak with you, your highness. I hope I am not intruding.” Shaking my head, I took a good look around, and with no one passing, or in sight, I welcomed him inside, “I don’t think it should take long, but I feel that it is best to get it out of the way before sunrise.”

“Before dawn? Is there something taking place at dawn?” My guard became quick with the shaking of his head, body maneuvering into a submissive kneel the moment I got comfortable across from him. “Are you feeling feverish? What has you acting in such an unusual way?”

“There is no reason, Yunhyeong-_gun_,” His tone was rather without any emote, and his face was much the same, “Neither am I feverish nor acting uncharacteristically.”

“You – alright, what is it that you wish to speak on? I am preferably set on going to bed before the sky gets too dark.” Seeing as how he took to such an attitude, when only hours prior he was himself, left no room for me to act in my normal manner.

Silence had settled between us. Those eyes of his darting around, and only at the ground, as if not to see my face. I wanted to grab ahold of his own, making him look at me and speak of what has blackened his mind, though I knew better. With what Sunjeong had told me of, I knew it better than to cause argument to erupt at such a late hour. It would only bring consequences that neither of us would be prepared to handle in this moment.

“While patrolling the halls, I took notice of many of them being unused, I wondered if there was any reason for such a thing? Also, if in case of an emergency, what the right means would be for the royal family to evacuate?” I could only start at him in confusion, my lids opening and closing rapidly – is this such a thing to speak of so late at night?

“Uh, they are in use, but not by the royal family, though I do not know who they are in use by. I have only taken the routes that are familiar with me and known from memory.” I spoke the truth finding no reason to indulge in lies, though as I went to answer the latter half of his question, he seemed to come in more, “I’m sorry, but I do no remember the means we are supposed to take in order to escape in such a fashion. It has only been given to me in my youth when the kingdom was coming to the ends of a long battle over land.”

I lied. His sudden change in expression riddling me with a fear I’ve never felt from him before. Of course, it was only in passing, though that seemed to be all I needed. His lips curling in an unnatural way before settling in his normal blank expression.

“These might seem like rather strange questions, your highness, but I only wish to keep you and Hyun safe. The higher ups have caught wind of foreign visitors. We don’t know what they are coming for, or if they are coming to strike us. It would help me greatly, if you relied on me for your safety.” Foreign visitors?

“Does the King know?” Rolling his neck, a loud popping sound erupted prior to him giving me another curt nod. “Well, if he does, then he’ll begin to take measures in that direction. I don’t think you have much to worry about until you are called upon. Now, if I may go to sleep, I have early morning duties to attend to.”

“Ah, yes, sleep well, my prince.” As he was quick to come, he was also quick to leave – the sound of him retreating for the night nothing more than a hurried whisper.

It made me wonder if I had imagined the whole situation. Though, the sweat in my palms told me otherwise. I’ll surely have to speak with Sunjeong sooner rather than later. She probably has knowledge over the whole thing as the King is due in sharing with his Queen.

I took to bed the moment I made up my mind. The early glow of the sun waking me, my body dragging itself around in preparation for the day. Servants came in a moment later, dressing and fixing me, before I was left to myself once more. I grabbed everything I needed, even taking the pouch wanting to transfer over my brushes. I’m sure others are going to poke fun when they find out that my mother made it for me, even then I won’t bat an eye to it. They do not know of the love that is transmitted through what you put your heart into.

Walking the halls, they were eerily quiet, almost as if to say that no one was around. It made my skin goose up, nonetheless I continued on to my station. The door was cracked, which was rather odd seeing as how I always close and lock it – hmm, maybe I forgot. I entered the room without much thought to it, the sight of a rather odd flower catching my sight immediately, because although odd it was beautiful in its shape and color. Bright yellow petals with dusted red tips – it reminded me of sundown.

Moving the flower into a water vase, so that it wouldn’t wither away too quickly, I knew that I would have to lecturing to listen to once it was found in such a way. No matter to that at this moment, I have more than enough work that needs to be taken care of. I also have a handful of documents that need stamping.

So, the morning continued on as such. My mind and body focused solely on my work, only taking breaks when servants brought around my meals and snacks. As with every other time, I thanked them prior to them leaving me on my own. Time carrying itself in a repetitive fashion until night fell and I turned myself in for the night. I left my things sprawled upon my desk with determination to get to them in the morning.

The halls were still quiet besides the soft whispering of guards that patrolled the area, they found themselves small amounts of entertainment among each other. It was the only thing that made me feel like I am not alone. Coming to my quarters, I saw Jiwon once more, his rigid figure stalking past me with a whisper of, “They will be upon us in a fortnight, my prince,” and turned the corner, disappearing among the buzzing of insects.

A fortnight? It doesn’t give much time to prepare for much more than a meeting and dinner. Though, if they are coming for something else, then I suppose our preparation for the impending war will suffice. There should be nothing to worry about. Hyung has this under control. The King has his kingdom’s faith and that is all that matters.

We spent the next two days in the same way, the other either coming into my chambers for impromptu things or he’s passing me in a whisper of small information. I still haven’t brought myself to telling him of the evacuation routes. His behavior still rather odd, and without Hyung saying anything, it made me question his truth. I know he’ll never lie to me – he swore upon the moon on it – though it doesn’t mean that it can be stuck to in certain situations. Those of which I have no full understanding for.

I suppose I will rely the information to him in the coming days if Hyung does say something pertaining to it.

Laying my head on my pillow, I took a deep breath closing my eyes only for that to be interrupted by the door flying open. Men, I could barely make out, yanking me from my bedding and dragging me away from my quarters. I thought to scream and struggle, but went against it, remaining silent because if it is my time to go, then I cannot do anything against it. Me being frightened will not help me at the end of it all.

I was flung into a <strike>dimly</strike>, rather well-lit, room. Body scraping the harsh flooring as I tried to regain myself, there was breathing all around me, only one taking harshly. I looked around locking eyes with Sunjeong first, her form erect and eyes watering. My eyes moved over to the figures in front of me – it was as if out of a dream, no, a nightmare. Hyung, Father and his wife, sat imposingly across from me. Hyung at the forefront with a wild look of disgust. It didn’t take much to deduce who was breathing harshly, my eyes finding the pinned figure of Jiwon – his body weighed down by two guards.

He was bloody, skin ripped in places that showed he put up a good fight, though in the end he lost. A first. The look in his eyes sent shivers down my spine, he looked a million things at once and nothing at the same time. Like he knew his weakness when he saw it – his weakness…is it me?

I looked away from him, glancing between Hyung and Sunjeong trying to figure out what was going on. The only response I got was the hardest, and only, open palm strike to the face. My neck snapped, a loud pop ringing in my ears that bounced around in static. I wanted to say something, scream maybe, but I was stunned into silence. The only thing in my sight is the struggling figure of Jiwon, his fight against the hands that forced him into submission, rattling the floors.

I turned my head slowly, blinking even slower to try and fight against the wetness in my eyes, “Is it true? Have you gone out of your way to disgrace us with such disgusting and inhuman behavior as to commit acts of sodomy? And with a commoner?”

I wanted to speak, to deny it all in order to save both of us anymore pain, but my silence had the opposite effect. The sharp end of blade holding itself against my neck, shuddering breaths forcing their way out between quiet sobs, my eyes closing as to not see their looks anymore.

“HAVE YOU?!” A defiantly long nod was my answer, head bowing deeply trying to keep myself together, “And is that commoner in the room at this moment? I suggest you be truthful, or I’ll eradicate you where you kneel.” I gave a short nod this time not trusting my voice.

Jiwon was whispering to me in a million and one languages. He kept telling me to deny it, to not answer, but I cannot lie to my King. It means that I have lied and betrayed my country – I cannot betray my kingdom.

I waited for the drag of metal, for the feeling of my skin coming apart and blood rushing in its course to destroy my clothing. To die and be paraded around as an embarrassment to the crown. Though none of that came, my eyes opening to see Hyung still in front of me, blade clutched tightly and dangling by his side. I wanted to reach out for him, hold onto him a silent beg for forgiveness, instead I took to Sunjeong, who closed her eyes. Tears running rivers down his face of porcelain – a sight a beauty that I’ve never seen before.

“Give your reasoning for such an atrocious thing?” With a thick tongue, I wet my lips taking in the sight of Jiwon once more, a small smile coming to my tear stained face.

I mouthed an apology to him, my presence ruining him with every second, “I-I love him. He is the sun that rises and sets in my sky. He is my garden and I am his flowers. He’s the stars and I am the moon, his presence comforting and beautiful. He is my heart and soul. He is my once in a lifetime, Hyung.” Taking ahold of his _baji_, I begged him with my eyes to not rid me of him – to not take him away from me, “I love him with everything in me. I cannot bear to part with him, or else it will bring me only to death.”

I was hit even harder than the last time, my hands losing their grip before grasping once more, not caring to my body being sprawled out more than before. Tears silently pouring down my face. Small bursts of screams leaving me as I continued to beg him, though not wake the palace.

“He clearly has forced you into believing such stupidity. You cannot love a man as a man. You definitely cannot love a man that has killed many without remorse, even if in the name of his countries. That man is a monster, and you have fallen within his trap.” He grabbed harshly at my topknot, forcing my head up so that we could look into each other’s eyes, “He does not love you and you do not love him. You will never love him, and he will never love you. His duty is to serve you and this kingdom, and your duty relies and informing this kingdom – there is no love in that. You love no one but who I chose for you to love, understand?”

“No, no, King, please!” It was the simple toss of the blade to the other guard that had my stomach twisting, “It’s all my fault, Hyung! I corrupted him! I forced him, please! I made him love him, I seduced him and – it’s all my fault, PLEASE! I abused my position, and that falls solely on me, so please don’t! Please, Hyung, please, I beg you!”

I kept chanting that it was my fault in between my pleas for his mercy. If I hadn’t fallen in love with him, then none of this would have happened. If only I had focused on my duties and the kingdom, then none of this would have happened. It’s all my fault. It’s all my fault.

“You are nothing but a child, what would you know about tempting a man? He has preyed on you.” The _sangwang’s mama_ spoke under her breath, it being rather loud in the silence of my screams. “A monster that knows no boundaries.”

“No, he didn’t do it. It was all me. I read those erotic things and forced it upon him. He isn’t a monster…he – Jiwon-_ah_ isn’t like that! He isn’t a monster, please…he isn’t.”

“You speak of him so casually?” My breath caught in my throat, I didn’t – I didn’t mean, “How long has this been taking place? How long have you chosen to insult the crown?”

Falling silent, he yanked on my head without his full strength, but I kept my eyes pointed towards his feet. I cannot bare the hatred in his eyes’ the confusion and betrayal. I cannot face such a look from him.

“Do you have nothing to say?” Silence met his question once more, a harsher tug that had my eyes locking with Jiwon’s. “Has he dishonored you?” Silence once more, “HAVE YOU ALLOWED HIM TO DEFILE YOU?!”

I knew if I answered that with a nod, then he’d be sentenced straight to death and I would have no way of saving him then. I wouldn’t be able to apologies and make amends for hurting him. For not being able to hold him in his last hour, to see him take his last breath with a dazzling smile of his. I cannot kill him.

I shook my head finally looking into the eyes that couldn’t understand me. Eyes that didn’t want to understand. I shook my head with finality, a mastered look of innocence entering my glazed over eyes. Unable to speak, I kept shaking my head trying to find the air that once kept me afloat.

“Do you lie?” Shaking my head, he took a deep breath in relief, hand letting me go causing me to slump against the flooring, it’s warmth not reaching me.

He went towards Jiwon, squatting over his figure, his back to me, “You have committed a grave crime against your kingdom. You have not only brought dishonor and shame upon your family, but upon yourself. I should have your head cut off and posted in the middle of the capital for all to take in the face of a monster. Though, my brother’s pleading for your life has spared you, remember that and remember it well. He hath saved the last shred of dignity that you may own, do not take that with a grain of salt, heathen.” Pushing himself up, he took the blade back motioning for them to life Jiwon into a kneel, “Lash him until he cannot bear to move, then place him within the dungeon – I will deal with him later,” He moved to turn only to throw one last look back, “rid him of his hair. He doesn't deserve such an honor.”

A shuddering sob left me at his punishment. Death would be better than such a demeaning punishment. The widening anger of his told me the same things that I thought. I opened my mouth wanting to speak out and beg for something more human, but the feeling of Sunjeong’s hand over my mouth let out only heart wrenching sobs. My thoughts of being quiet no more as my deepest fears were worse than I thought.

“If these two are to ever come within eye-distance of each other, then you strike him down with hesitation,” Hyung hovered over me, his eyes on Sunjeong not even daring to look at me, “take this as a lesson. Such things that go against Confucius will not be tolerated, and you as a prince should know that. Even though that man you claim to know love with has taken the heaviest of the punishment, that does not leave you without. You will be confined and guarded in your quarters. Your duties suspended until further notice. Do not even think of showing your disgraceful face at any events of importance, or you will be struck down as well.”

“Get them out of my presence!” They dragged Jiwon away, my hand slowly reaching out in hopes to catch his before he left me entirely, sadly I had no such luck.

His face hardened and eyes steeled with a hatred I’ve never seen. It made my heart hurt. My body calling to comfort him, though that wouldn’t be possible. The guards from earlier taking me once more. Yanking me from Sunjeong’s hold and into the coldness of the halls that imprisoned me. I held back on my cries of despair until back within my chambers. Sobs raking me with a mourning that I never wished to know.

A profound apology on my lips, the sounds of the lashing keeping me awake through the rest of the night. Only held back grunts filling my ears until it was no more. The only sound being the heavy feet of those that carried him down to his new dwelling.

I apologized after each hit and grunt, my mouth and lips drying until they cracked.

With the sunrise, I forced out my last apology before exhaustion took ahold of me, knocking me into a darkness unknown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, and ignore the next story thing that I put in the last chapter notes (or a few chapters back?). I decided to just mash a bunch of ideas together and so far it is coming along alright. Let's hope for a success.


	18. Cypress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A love without escape...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, we are two chapters from me being ultimately hated, and we are three chapters from the end. I finally figured out how many I was going to have after the last chapter became a mash of three different points that were going to be their own short chapter. The chapter after next is all Bobby from here on out, or more so his point of view, so I'll see you guys at the next update. It's surely going to be some time next week as I need to let you guys simmer in the juices of sadness for a moment. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Time began to blend. Day and night, no more, instead becoming the opening and closing of my sore eyes. Puffy and raw from the tears I spill whenever thoughts of him pass. I beg for forgiveness for all but my love for him. I cannot beg for something that I do not feel is my truth. If to be true, I want him in my arms once more. I want him to tell me that this is a nightmare and we shall wake from it wrapped in each other’s embrace. Clearly, it is only but a mere delusion to allow my heart rest.

A heart that does not beat the same as it once used to. A heart on the brink of death.

I pushed away all servants, declining food and other luxuries that were once necessities. I cannot fathom indulging in such things when Jiwon is without. His palette turning to mush as he is being kept alive on the bare minimum. So, I rest day in and day out with my head upon my pillow and body tucked in my bedding. I come out every once in a while to bathe, then I go back to wallow in the pains that grip my heart.

My speech has deteriorated to only a few words. My lips cracked and burning whenever I deem fit to part them in answer. I find no need to speak as my words seem to only bring about pain. I have no need to speak as this palace is no longer my home – it is no longer my warmth in this heating spring.

A knock upon my door made my back straighten, though only for a second, the steps coming inside not being those that are heavy. They were light and with poise of purpose, it made my clenched hands sweat, but not in a bad way. I remained silent taking in murmurs that fell from rose colored lips. She sat, her hand smoothing along the bedding in which I cover myself with, a comfort that broke my resistance. Tears trailed down my face once more, my body trembling under the gentleness of it all.

“My prince, you are on the brink of wasting away.” The back of her other hand pressed softly against my neck that’s covered in the ruins that could be call hair, “please, feast. I wish not to walk in and find that you have left us.”

I said nothing. My stomach squeezing itself in the way that it has since that frightful night. I cannot eat. It is my fault, so I cannot eat.

“The King is worried, my prince,” I couldn’t stop the clenching in my face – it is a title I’d rather not hear, “the servants, they have relayed to him on how you do not wish to eat or bathe. How you are confined to your bedding to wallow as if the sun hath not risen and we are still in the dead of night. They tell of how you do not even drink water not tea; how you turn them away the moment they announce their presence.”

What has he expected from me? I cannot move with this pain heavy on my heart. I bared my soul – I gave him my love to experience what I hath feel, and he has crushed it. The pieces crumbling at my feet and turning to dust. I do not wish for his worry. I wish for my guard and only him.

“Your mother has caught wind of what has transpired, and she begs to see you, but the _sangwang_ and the King do not allow it. They force her at a distance and has put Hyun within her chambers for the time being. The youngest prince, Prince Hyun, Hyun-_gun_, he misses you. He hath screamed and fitted to be within your embrace once more, but he isn’t allowed.” Her caresses held onto my arm, it wanting to take ahold of my hidden hand, though I did not allow it – I cannot allow it, “They are not allowed, so please allow me to relay that I have seen you in good health. That you feast and drink until you can only sleep. That you hath spoken more than a word and seem to be getting better. Please, allow me to save you for them.”

She pleaded from a place deep within, a place that I have pleaded from as well. She broke my resistance once more. I rolled over, my back touching the bedding for what felt like in a lifetime. My eyes opened, tears escaping as I gave her my being to gaze upon, a soft gasp escaping her lips in the same way. I waited, and stayed silent, her hands shaking with unconscious tremors as she ghosted them lightly over the shell of a man that I have become. A pained love in her eyes the whole time that made my eyes wish to close once more. For me to be left alone once more.

“Oh, dear, you are as pale as a spirit,” I could tell that she wanted to say more, though left it at that, “I’ll get someone to bring you food and drink. I cannot stand to see you like this. You are fading away, Yunhyeong-_ah_.” Just like how Jiwon is surely doing the same, yet the worry is only upon me.

I watched her as she stood and spoke around the door, a whisper of words that were almost foreign to my dry ears. The moments of time passing in a blur until the wafting smell of bland food is sat next to me. Her hands carefully sitting me up as to not cause any accidents within herself. My head spun, stomach tightening, and my ears popped – this is surely the beginnings of a smooth journey into the afterlife.

Without thinking, I rushed to stand, almost falling on my face, as I rushed towards a bucket. Its contents not all of importance. A flood of burning liquids cascaded out of my mouth at a speed that I’ve never had happened to me. My throat seemed to squeeze and close up, my stomach following as my fingers gripped the bucket with a means to pass this. And when it did pass, it took what was left of me.

“You cannot lay in here, Yunhyeong-_ah_, please find the strength to move,” Pushing away her hands, I swallowed the saliva that gathered heavily on my tongue, it burning on the way down on the same way that it had come up.

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Everything hurts as I tried to find myself once more, the last of the water in me forming tears that rained down with no reason to stop. I degraded myself by crawling back into my bedding, though the only one who could attest to it is Sunjeong, and she wouldn’t. She warned me and I did not heed her words as I should have. I have let her down along with everyone else. My mind too deep in a land that I do not have permission to enter anymore. A land that is no longer my own.

She sat once more, pushing the small table towards me, but said nothing. Her face conveying it all.

I waited, once more, eyeing the porridge that held only the color of snow. The sight of it made my stomach settle; the smell making my nose run, and the taste was familiar. Rice. Is Jiwon at least getting rice?

“I apologize that I couldn’t have warned you earlier for I hadn’t known.” Glancing up from my bowl, she no longer looked at me instead taking in the mess that my quarters has become, “It seems that word had already gotten to him by the time I was able to tell you of the gossip. He was only waiting for his suspicions to rain truth.”

I wanted to tell her to not speak of that man in my presence – I couldn’t, though, “I tried to speak with him, to quell his anger, to make him see what you see, but he didn’t care to listen. Stuck in his own standing.” a wet sniffle had me falling deeper into my bowl, “He hasn’t done anything Jiwon-_sshi_, if you wonder. He only rests in wait for what is to come, and I have tried to visit him. To see how he fairs, but he wouldn’t show me more than his back – he wouldn’t speak. I do not wish for him to waste away in the same way I do not wish of you.”

“T-Then, why?” My voice was no longer my own, it hurt and only brought pain, “Why didn’t you help us, _mama_? Why didn’t you speak on our behalf?” I wasn’t angry, only tired, never angry.

“Although, I feel this way, I know my place and you know that as well. Me speaking when not in turn would have only given you two more pain. I did what I could in private – I’ve tried, though I do not know if it hath changed anything.” No, she is right – it would have only brought trouble upon her, and she doesn’t need the stress while carrying.

“Apologizes, it is late and I’m tired. Thank you for the visit, but I will not accept any more. Thank you.” Pushing the table away, I moved to lay back down, but her words held me back, my hands sweating with promise.

“Do you wish to see him for yourself?” Looking at her, she was calm in her truth, and it made me sweat even more. “It has long since been night, and days have passed on the wings of spring birds. I do not wish to deny you what is truly yours, but only if you promise me one thing?”

“Anything, I’ll promise you anything and everything. You can have my life if you so wish.” Grabbing her hands, I held on tight, desperation taking place of my exhausted state.

“I only wish that you clean yourself up, eat, and when the time comes, I want you to go to _Changduk_ with me. I wish not to be alone, and it will bring you an ease of mind to return with. What do you say?” Agreeing with fervor, I brought to table back to myself, stuffing myself with food that didn’t want to go down, “I’ll be back in a moment, please see to bathing, although the water is cold.”

I moved like the palace was on fire. Jumping from the table to the bath the moment she closed the door. The water was freezing but I didn’t worry it much, scrubbing at my skin until it was raw and smelled of the finest scent. My scalp raw from how fast I moved to untangle my hair and release it of its sad state; and once I smelled like how I used to, I dried and wrapped myself in cloth that wouldn’t be on for long, already knowing what she was getting at.

The moment she came back, we carried on in a familiar blur of dressing that we had done so many times before. She stuffed my bedding with clothing in case one of the guards were to peek in, and then she was gone. A soft knocking on the window made me open it to see that she wanted me to hurry out, and that I did.

The dungeons weren’t far, but they were deep, mazes of eerie halls lit with oil lamps that gave no warmth.

I hid my face within the layers of my hair, Sunjeong speaking to all those who stopped us telling them that I was a servant helping her. They left us be with that knowing not to go against the words of the crown. They even left us once we arrived a way away from Jiwon, the guards moving further down the hall to give way.

“Go ahead, I’ll stay here,” Hiding herself in the darkness, I nodded carrying on with slowing steps, my eyes landing on his figure that seemed in pain.

Tears sprung in my eyes for what felt like the millionth time. I wanted to scream for him – I wanted him. Though I did no such thing, I approached and fell upon my knees, hands holding tight to the wood bars that kept him away.

“Jiwon-_ah_,” A whisper slipped from my lips, voice shaking too much to do anymore, “Jiwon-_ah_.”

His head turned, eyes glaring at me only to soften upon actually seeing me. He moved with the speed of a mountain lion, his hands shaking with great emotion as he closed it over one of my own. I couldn’t stop my smile. He’s really here. He’s in front of me and touching me. I want to hug him, but the bars gave no way. Although together we are to be kept separate – it makes me stomach hurt even more.

“H-How have you managed to get here?” The once long hair that was always so unruly was now above his nape, a band of cloth torn from his outfit kept it back, though it was still as unruly as always.

Brushing through it, I could barely wrap a strand around my finger, “It’s so short and choppy. I’m sorry, please forgive me.”

“My love, it is not your fault for I am to blame for having gotten carried away.” No, it is my fault for not being able to protect you. “You look faint, so you must eat and remain in good health. Do not worry yourself with me as this isn’t enough to break me. I am fine, my prince.”

“You are not fine, Jiwon-_ah_, how can you be fine like this?” I touched him wherever I could, his body jumping away when I ran my hand over his side, the stale smell of blood filling both of our nostrils, “D-Does it still hurt? Did they at least treat you?”

“I am a prisoner, there is no treatment for me – I am fine. I have been keeping myself clean.” Leaning his head again the bars, I did the same, the only difference being the tears that fell like the rain. “They arrive in three nights. They come for blood, leave while you have the chance and take Hyun with you. He is too innocent of a life to be cut short, and I cannot fathom hearing of your slaying, so please leave.”

He pressed his lips against my own in a quick kiss. Pulling away, he went back to the spot he was in when I had arrived, back turned to me as if not wanting to speak. Soft hands took hold of me, bringing me to my feet and ushering me away from him. I wished to speak for longer, for another kiss, for him to call me his love again. But, Sunjeong kept pulling me, only stopping once back in the presence of the guards. She told them of the blood that pores from untreated wounds, and for them to send him a healer, for he was able to keep his life.

_Alas, I am to blame, not knowing how I would long for him -_

_Stay, I might have asked, leaving the question unanswered. Yet I sent him away, unaware of my constant love. _

  * _Hwang Jini_

As we headed back to my chambers, I couldn’t help the fidget that entered my bodies. His words of the arrival that I haven’t taken seriously shaking me with intent. I knew he’d never lie to me, but for it to take place so soon? And a bloodbath at that? It’s clearly a declaration of war, is it not?

“_Mama_,” She turned with a smile that faded once she took in my own, “h-he warned of foreigners that would visit in a fortnight some time ago. He has warned me again of their purpose and of their arrival.”

“Foreigners? What purpose do they have to come visit us?”

“T-They crave blood…our blood.” It was unconscious, the hand that rub over her stomach – it made me remember that Hyun isn’t the only innocent in this situation. “I don’t think the King knows because there hasn’t been any word from him, though if he did, three nights isn’t enough to figure out a solid strategy. W-What do we do?”

“I-Is this bearing the truth? Are the words you tell me a truth that you can rely on?” Jiwon has no reason to lie to me, nor does he have a reason to deceive me, so I can only speak of this in truth. “What else d-did he say?”

“He said for Hyun and me to leave before then, but I cannot leave when you have brought such good news upon us. But, I cannot allow Hyun to be so helplessly slaughtered, I cannot sleep well if those are thoughts that should fill me.” I wanted to cry again, but it seems as though my wells have dried up – Jiwon taking the last of them.

“Rest. You shall rest tonight and once the sun has risen we will talk of this in more detail, okay?” Shaking my head, as it wouldn’t be possible, I cannot even think of resting like how I have. “You promised me that you would go to _Changduk_ with me, and for that I need you to be well rested and in good health. You promised, remember?” A sharp inhale and ragged exhale had me taking a step back.

“Yes, I remember, Sunjeong-_ah_.”

“Then rest and feast. We will speak in due time. Now, go.” Ushering me to my window, I could only jump through it, her figure disappearing in the darkness of the night.

I changed into my normal clothing, stuffing the other clothing under whatever I could find. I threw my clothing that protected me into a corner and flipped my bedding. The pristine side of it making me wonder what it would look like covered in the slain blood of nobles.

‘_Rest_,’ Sunjeong voice snapped me from my vision. My head laying upon the pillow and staring among the darkness that held me.

A prison without wooden bars, and the smell of blood that isn’t my own. A destiny that I can no longer escape. A destiny that is all my own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm also realizing that I had a shit ton of poems and I really only used two. Oh well...


	19. White Cyclamen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The night before the storm...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone is safe and taken care of during what's going on right now; and if you are not, I hope that you will get better and be surrounded by good things only. 
> 
> So, this one took a minute for the sole fact that a storm came through the night before and took all the power out of my neighborhood, which left me with a half written chapter and the leftover emotions I was using to write said chapter. I was thinking this was going to be really long, but once I was close to ending it how I wanted, I knew that the next two chapters would be reallllllly long in comparison to the other longer chapters I've written prior. This is really just the feeling to get the juices pumping for what's to come next. So, I'll see you next week with our climax. 
> 
> Stay safe and bye guys~~~~

We spoke once more when the sun rose. The both of us fatigue ridden and puffy eyed. I ate over a small breakfast, my stomach not being able to stomach much with the news presented to me only some time earlier. She said nothing to it, sipping languidly on tea that had no real flavor. It was too diluted to be worth any real good, though it kept her own stomach ate bay.

We spoke until the sun fell from the sky, the moon replacing it as we sealed a secret that’ll be only between the two of us. Well, in that moment it was – her head servant coming to learn of it the following night as she need be implemented in what we chosen to do.

Our plan it seemed simple, no, it was a series of simple decisions that would make our ending simple. She and Hyun were to leave on the second night, the both of them dressed as servants and escorted away by a member of her court. I do not know of how far they will venture, but Sunjeong spoke of helpful hands that will receive them well. And, in her place I shall take. My nights of playing maiden coming into use for something other than my own selfishness.

And with these plans the second day came upon us. Servants carrying on casually, even though the gossip had begun its spread, though it isn’t much. His Highness still keeps an ignorant air around him pertaining to the matter. It makes me worry. He has to have caught wind in the same way he has caught wind and tore me of my love.

It makes me worry for Jiwon as well – although, he is a fighter and will not fall at the hands of the opposition, I still cannot help but to worry. I know he’ll be saddened to hear of what will transpire, but at least he’ll know it was done in order to shave the innocent. That I couldn’t allow for myself to run and leave a soul not yet here to die at the hands of some heathen. He’ll surely understand, even if he doesn’t agree. He’ll understand.

The sound of my door opening pulled my mind from the sheet of paper that held swirls of ink, “Yunhyeong-_gun_?” It was a voice softer than it should have been, my eyes lifting to see Sunjeong and her head servant.

Waving them in, Sunjeong sat opposite of me, her eyes trying to figure out the words that I have written. Her head servant took to putting her tools down and pulling my hair free of its topknot. I waited as it cascaded down in waves, my hair having grown some in the days it has gone without proper care, and once she combed it out of my eyes I set back to my writing.

“Who is it for?” I had written a few since morning, majority of them being for Hyun as the changes he’ll face will be difficult, and I want him to face them with an ease of mind. The others were to be split between her and Jiwon – they’ll be the only surviving members if blood is won. “I will not read it, so do not write it. I will not cry at your hands, Yunhyeong-_ah_.”

Ignoring her shaky words, I continued to let my brush glide across the paper, the brush only lifting to be wet with ink from the block before picking up where I left off. Night is soon to fall, so they need to go with her before they leave. I cannot let them leave without me saying what I need to say.

“…stop writing, please. I wish not to miss you more than I already will. I do not wish to read your words with your voice in my head, so please do not write anymore, my dear prince.” Wiping harshly at my eyes, I continued on her desperation fueling me to continue putting ink to paper; and once I was done, I set them all aside to dry. A memo to find something to place them in coming forth in my mind.

“Why do you wish to be so stubborn?” Holding out my hand, she slid her own in it, my eyes closing as I held onto it – my body wanting to relish in this feeling for the last time, “Promise that you won’t be afraid once they corner you. I know not of what death has to offer, so please do not allow them pleasure for it will haunt me.”

“If I can survive, then I will bring with me the last roses in the fields. If I cannot, and lay my soul to my kingdom, then pray for me at every rite and console Hyun whenever he is sad. Do not go without food just because you are depressed, raise our future King to stand for not only himself, but his people.” I spoke through my tears, foreign promises that I’ll never know of their fulfillment left only emptiness in their wake.

“My dear prince, your sacrifice will never be in vain. I will give Hyun all that he needs, and make sure that he knows of your heart.” Squeezing her hand, I finally opened my eyes, a bleary picture of her face greeted me only to clear with the dampness of a rag. “You are, now, a Queen. You do not shed tears as despair does not lead a country.”

I cracked a smile at her words. A similar one coming upon her face as she rubbed the back of my hand with her thumb. Comforting me for the last time. The head servant finished with my hair moving over to see that Sunjeong and I looked one in the same. Besides the fact that her face held makeup while my own was bare.

The head servant moved over to Sunjeong next, pulling her outer _hanbok_ off and undoing the design of own hair. She pulled out a knife, the blade gleaming in the light of the oil lamps, and with skilled hands she took some inches off of Sunjeong’s hair. What was once waist length, now sitting at the upper middle of her back. The servant evening going as far as to give her bangs to masks some of her face. Then, her hair was fixed once more, the servant gathering the different length clumps of hair within her apron to take to the bin.

It was only the two of us for a long while. Our eyes locked and dim smiles on our faces. We stayed that way until we couldn’t any longer, our hands exchanging clothing for the last time. I gave over the servants clothing that I’ve worn on many occasions and waited until she changed before finding myself within her royal clothing. The silkiness of it all, a contrast to the rough material that is the other.

“_Mama_…” She bowed to me, my laughter hiding behind my sleeves as she couldn’t take this seldom moment seriously, “blessed me with your embrace as I cannot fathom being without it for a moment more.”

I gave her a bow in return, then wrapped her in my arms trying not to hold on to tight as her stomach’s already starting to round itself. The feeling of it against my own flat stomach told me that I have finally done something right. That this kingdom that I hold dear to my heart will not parish because of my selfishness. That physically this kingdom may fall by slaying, but this kingdom will still thrive. Our future will surely thrive.

“Thank you for guiding me through this love of mine, for you hath shown me a light that I never knew possible. My blessings are with you three on your journey. Do not look back as that’ll only bring heartache, my Queen.” Pulling away, I gathered the papers that belonged to her and Hyun and rolling them tightly together I pushed them into a bamboo scroll holder. “H-Hyun is a bright child who can read _choseo _quite well, but if he falls short then please guide him as you have guided me. _Mama_, it was a pleasure to have been a friend and lowly prince – it has been my pleasure to be by your side. Thank you for everything you have done for this falling kingdom.”

The same smile from when she first arrived greeted me, although instead of tears of joy, those of grief stained her porcelain face. A beautiful sight it made.

“I wish I could have persuaded my mother to go along with you three, but she is rather stubborn. I think I shall visit her after sending you two off, doesn’t that sound lovely?” Trying to not focus on her stricken face, I began pushing around stuff as to not leave this room messy for whoever will occupy it in the future.

A few knocks on the door had me wiping her tears, and with one last quick hug, I opened the door. My hands concealed themselves within my sleeves, so that others do not see how they tremble. She walked behind me with her head slightly lowered as if in a show of servitude – it made me want to lift her head, but I knew the roll that I had to play, so I’ll play it well.

We made our way to the servant quarters, the member of her court, Hyun, and his advisor all stood around in wait. Each of them besides the advisor dressed in various states of poverty, even going so far as to smudge dirt over small parts of Hyun’s face. He called out with a cheer of ‘_noona_’, only to come right to me and stop. I could tell he was confused by the tilt of his head which had Sunjeong stepping out from behind me to place her hand upon his head.

“Hyung? What are you doing? Do you know where we are going? Are you coming with us?” His curiosity clenched at my heart that’s been trying it’s hardest to hold on.

Squatting, I exposed my hands to be able to take ahold of a face that I’ll miss more than words could ever allow. I brought him into my embrace wanting to feel him and wanting him to remember this even when he hears of my last hour. I want to be his prince – no, brother…I want to be his brother for the rest of eternity, and even though that isn’t possible, I want him to remember that I am always on his side.

“My lord, my highness, my prince, my crown jewel,” I stopped myself from chocking on the ball that wound tight in my throat, his small hands comforting me without knowledge of what is to come, “Hyun, you are my everything and in this world that is more than anything. Remember not what you hear, though remember what you have experienced and seen, for you are a gracious and most deserving soul. We do not say goodbye here nor do we in our dreams of sweetness. You’ll forever be my savior, my light, and my heartbeat. You are deserving of whatever good comes into your life, even if you cannot understand it at that time for you will realize in due time. Listen well to Sunjeong-_ah_, and continue blessing those who you feel are most deserving, can you promise me that?”

He agreed even in his confusion, and even though I would have liked to spend the whole late evening talking, I knew it to not be possible. Thus, I pulled away from him and stood, my hand on his upper back to lead him into Sunjeong’s waiting arms.

“See you in my dreams, as you shall see me in your thoughts. I bid you two farewells.” Bowing deep and low, I waited until I heard the moving of their feet before I straightened myself out, Hyun’s advisor being the only one to greet me, “shall we head back?”

A nod filled with content from having lived a full life gave me his answers to my unasked questions. It must be wonderful to leave this life knowing that there isn’t anything else that you wish to try. I wish that could be the case for all of us, then again, I cannot speak for others. I can only speak for myself.

I walked us through the halls and once to the break, I motioned him ahead as I really wanted to visit mother. I waited and watched until he disappeared past where the lamps shone. I almost went after him wanting to bring him back into the light, but I let him go. Instead turning on my heads and heading in a direction filled with memories.

Halls I ran as a child, shy and playful, surrounded by children my age who knew not of their duties yet. Then, like I am now, I began to walk these halls alone. My back straight and head held high to those who used to eat from the same tray as me. It felt horrible.

Now, we are all to parish surrounded by one another – well, those who haven’t fled yet when the gossip got too much. Although, adults who have had their coming-of-age, we are all still children at heart. Our duties never came in the way of that – though their lives have aged some and have left behind others. This life is pretty merciless, isn’t it?

Knocking on her door, a voice didn’t greet me, such a matter doing nothing to stop me from entering. Mother’s figure immediately catching my eyes. She sat with tea in front of her. Her eyes towards the dark sky that held nothing but a few lonely stars. Moving beside her, I sat without a word, my head falling upon her shoulder as I took as much of her as I could within my arms.

“Did you see him off?” Agreeing, her body deflated as if she couldn’t be strong any longer. “Was he sad?”

Shaking my head, I held onto her tighter because I would have never allowed for such a thing, “I didn’t afford him such a feeling, He left in confusion and with love, that is all.”

“I did not want for him to leave at all, but I cannot be selfish. This position I was given and have filled does not allow me the right to such a thing.”

“I wanted you to go with. I begged you, mother, and you have stayed, why did you not leave? We’re my letters not enough?” She caressed my arms and hand, massaging the limbs with utmost care.

“My child, they were more than enough, but my life is meant to be spent beside my King. I cannot leave if he doesn’t allow it, even if you plead so sweetly. I grew behind these walls and this is where I shall lay.” Her hands gripped at me, emotions rushing through the touch as she continued to speak, “I wish you do not fall behind these walls. A bright soul, a blessed soul, shouldn’t fall before it’s time, it is not your time, my beautiful child.”

“Neither is it yours, mother.” Releasing my hold on her, I began to prepare her bedding as she shouldn’t spend her last night in unrest.

After a moment, I helped her to lay down, my lips pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead in an afterthought. As I will miss seeing this face that had only shown me happiness. If only she could have gotten her happy ending with someone who would not have granted her such a sad ending. If only that was possible.

“If you still want to go, then leave before mid-day. I’ll give you the place where Hyun and Sunjeong-_sshi_ have sought refuge. Hyun will be happy to see you.” Tucking her within the bedding, she pressed her cheek to my hand, a deep breath leaving her to show that she has resigned to what is to come.

“I love you. I’ve always loved you, my sweet beautiful eldest prince.” Humming, I held back my defeat not wanting her last memory of me to be in tears, ‘You’re too considerate for this life. I hope fate reunites us once our suffering comes to an end. I hope to be your mother in another lifetime, if fate permits it.”

“You’ll always be my mother, no matter what fate has in store for us.” Smoothing the bedding for the last time, I made move to stand as I’ll need to be in the royal quarters before it gets too late, “Now, rest, I have to go see Hyung.”

Leaving her to sleep, I began to wander the halls once more. My mind wanting to commit everything to memory, so that it can reside deep in my soul and lead me home whenever I am lost. Can you even call that being lost? I suppose you can, I suppose.

Entering the bedroom reserved for only the reigning King and Queen, I cared not to knock as he didn’t care when he ordered them to rip my from the cusps of sleep. I shouldn’t hold onto this dose of hatred I have from him, but whenever I remember Jiwon’s choppy hair and bruised face, it boils within my stomach. Hot and ready to explode. I hold myself back as it isn’t appropriate. Nothing I have ever felt is appropriate enough for my position and who I am as a person. I can’t even find it within myself to truly cherish this night. Because as everyone leaves, I am left alone to face the path that fate has lain, even if I took it in a roundabout way.

“Sunjeong-_sshi,_ is something the matter for you to be coming to bed so late?” Hyung was already within the bedding, his sleep attire tussled from the amount of sleep he managed to get.

I stared for a moment, then swallowed thickly, my Adam’s apple bobbing and giving way to his realization.

“I do not wish to argue with you nor do I wish to bring you hurt. Though, if you were so besides yourself with yourself then you would have paid attention to the gossip and your wife’s words.” He sat abashed and without word for the situation, the dim light finally making him somewhat touchable, “Come the next night we will be resigned to death. They one for blood, ours in particular, so I have sent those of innocences away. We must pay for our sins, right Hyung?”

Moving to her vanity, I sat pulling my hair from its braid and taking off the few pieces of jewelry that we had exchanged. The clothing fell into a heap of carelessness to be taken care of once daylight breaks.

“Innocents? Who do you speak of?” He didn’t seem to be altered by the news of his death, though that is only on the surface.

“Hyun, who is soon to become six summers, and Sunjeong-_sshi _as she carries a blessing.” A shuddered breath left him as I sat beside him, my eyes roaming over the face of a man no longer arrogant, “She was to tell you in the coming season before her departure to _Changduk. _I’m sorry that you have found out in such a manner.”

“A son will be born without his father and there is nothing I can do to change such a thing.”

He continued to wallow in his enlightenment, but I could no longer do the same. My eyes have dried themselves within my mother’s warm embrace. I have nothing left for him.

“I’m sorry, Yunhyeong-_ah,_” I didn’t want to know for what as it would change nothing in the end, “I hope you can forgive me before it is our time to depart. I wish not to leave you behind with a heavy heart. I thought I did what is best as your Hyung, not as your King – though I have only made you unwell, I hope you can love me in the same light that you once did.”

I took his hand, squeezing it and holding on tight, his presence somewhat grounding; and with that I closed my eyes, a whisper of forgiveness leaving me at last. I cannot leave like this. I cannot have this weight on my heart and this brew in my stomach. I cannot leave knowing that I wasn’t free in my last hour.

I wish to be free beside my love in my last hour.


	20. Black Dahlia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eternity is only for us...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All I'm going to say is that yes...I did do this and even though it turned out differently due to me remembering who Bobby actually is...you cannot hate me as I've given many chapters of romance and love! Which are two things that I struggle with writing because it makes my toes curl badly, though I did do a better job than I thought I would. Tell me your feels down in the comment section and I will see you in the next chapter - which is an epilogue, so nothing too bad, right? *Sweats profoundly*.
> 
> Oh, don't forget to wash your hands, social distance, and stay tf inside (if in the USA, or any country currently effected). Love you guys and see you next week *Kisses*.
> 
> Korean term(s) used in this chapter:  
satgat - a conical-shaped hat made of straw, is commonly used by farmers or monks, and mostly used as an undercover hat in sageuk.

Falling in love was never apart of the plan. Getting close to him was. Handing over my heart and soul, wasn’t. I had become evasive and non-compliant once I realized that my heart only beat for him. It resulted in pain more often than not, my superiors hounding me whenever they had the chance. I didn’t understand – no, I more so didn’t care to, until it had become too much.

They started to get besides themselves. A greed of power coursing through their veins as they sought me out. Pinning me down and beating me whenever they knew that Yunhyeong was sure to be around. The few times he caught the act – I had to stop myself from lashing out, hands begging to rip out the tongue that spoke so crudely. Though I continued to play my role it didn’t stop the feelings from piling up. Bruises and wounds the constant reminder that my war isn’t over.

Although, the battle has commenced without fail.

A new set of clothing being brought into the cell that I reside. The thick black material speaking of the cold spring night that warned of rain. It’s in the air. The smell of it made me long to be with my love, though if this doesn’t end in despondency then that is something that can be promised. Our hands clasped together as his smile lights up my world and his eyes warm even coldest parts of my soul. I wish to wrap him in my embrace and kiss him for real.

The nights I spent in this gloomy darkness were only won by the remembrance of his body. How his hands gripped and caressed. How his legs spread and wrapped my middle with the trembles of pleasure. How his lips called to me in many ways and his mouth greeted me in want. If I thought hard enough, I could smell the scent that is all his own, a mixture of fragrant flowers and an underlying passion of the forest floor. A delicacy that is all mine to have and to hold.

I dressed without noticeable hurry though my hands made quick work to strip me of my soiled clothing. His voice in my head asking me what could have gotten me so dirty, replaying as a push to move faster. A vibrancy in my bones telling me that he’s waiting on me.

“You’ve finally come to your senses it seems,” The voice of the one that is on my list of vengeance, approached me in smugness – the matching outfit making me focus solely on my task, “You know, that prince of yours is nowhere to be found. The possibility of him being at the bottom of a cliff must ring true, don’t you suppose?”

I kept my expression neutral. He does not deserve anything more for me and when we are done, he will face a fate worse than death. At my hands personally.

“To think that the King would go so far for a runt, it warms my heart. A King that is utterly useless boils the blood and lights a fire within my palms.” He continued to speak as if I truly cared for what he felt – a fool with too much pride is all that he’ll ever be, “I’m sure that when he dies, you’ll be of utmost joy.”

Taking the _satgat_ offered to me, it sat covering down to mid-nose casting a shadow in the oil lamps that surrounded us, a frown covering my face as I tied the strings tautly under my chin. I blocked out his continued speech as we left the dungeon, the bodies of slain official guards littering the ground we walked on. A few of the faces being ones that had given me hospitality when I was unworthy of such. They were brave me who fought well, although not well enough. As we passed by a guard that held a rather special place in my memory, I bent down wrenching the sword from his tight palm and placed it among my persons. He had written for me when I desired to write in my pursuit of courtship. He had done well and for that I will only wield his sword and no one else’s.

A chilling scream rang over the fields in our approach to the main part of the palace. It made scum gleeful and even if this should include me, I could only focus on my thoughts of when this is all over. To hear that voice telling me of all the ways he yearns for me brought a freshness to my life that I never knew I needed. He was spring in its human form and no other being can tell me otherwise.

As expected, guards came and fought as they should. Their eyes wild with a victory that’ll never be theirs. A battle that isn’t meant to be won by boys with wooden swords – it is why ambush had taken them over time and time again.

I stayed off to the side, my sword having no reason to defend me as those in front did most of the fighting. It wasn’t until I heard the slicing of air that I turned and thrusted forward. A body skewed on the end of my sword, the face holding confusion and shock that I didn’t allow to fester, my sword coming back to my side as the body lay upon the earth that had more life than it normally did. Life dripping from the tip of my blade to water the flowers that I once watched bloom.

_Not to be rude guard, but do you do anything other than being in the fields?_ I had run not in freight but in the fact that I had been caught so shamelessly.

After three months, I knew more of the palace grounds than I knew of my birthplace. I had seen his back to the window more times than what I thought possible. A hum on his lips, books or papers loved in his palms, and his eyes. Those eyes of his were filled with the innocence of world he did not know, and it had unknowingly drawn me to him. I spent a few nights watching him from that field, the harshness of winter hiding me until a servant forcefully closed the window. A chiding of it being too cold and letting the heat of the room out. He would whine and sigh about how he was fine, and it made me chuckle for the first time since I was an infant. He made me feel for the first time since I castes my emotions away.

I should have been confused – concerned – with this sudden feeling of devotion to someone who I didn’t know. Let alone a man that isn’t my master – no, a <strike>man </strike>boy with the same body that I held had captured me; and once we had come to know one another in many ways it gave itself weight. A love that knew no bounds. A love that is true and knew not what anything else mattered.

“Inside,” We moved towards the doors that had no warmth for me; a selfish anger and closed ears that didn’t care to listen, reminding me of why my nape is cold.

A tickle of understanding settling though doing nothing else. He had reason, though it didn’t cause for such baselessness. Yunhyeong loves him as his ruler and elder sibling, but he must be punished for his sins in a way that didn’t allow for anymore of his selfish ways. A ruler who does not know how to respond reasonably isn’t a real ruler at all. My love, he’ll more but he’ll understand as I understood his need to defend me so profoundly. To take blame when there was none – ah, the image of his tear-stricken face as he begged an idiot for my mercy…it made me crave for a life that isn’t my own.

The burst of anger that took me for a moment had cut down others without any memory. Bodies laying at my feet that I stepped over without sympathy. This is their fate as it is mine, I have no room for such an ill placed feeling.

I departed from the group, an influx of guards coming out to try and slay the enemy in front of them. From extensive knowledge, I knew that it would take time before they made it to where his highness resides, so it wouldn’t be long for them without me. I rounded familiar walls only stopping at the door that once confound the sun itself. A slight push to the wood gave way for me to take in the dark space, so snatching a lamp off the nearest wall I ventured inside.

‘_He cleaned_,’ the thought made me huff in laughter, his ways shining through even without him physically being here.

A stack of papers in the middle of the room, a crown of wilted flowers and the scattering of the rest greeted me with warmth. So, he hasn’t just left – I picked up he flowers on top, many of them being ones I courted him with. The fact that he kept them for so long made my heartbeat in this home that held only sorrow.

_I’ll surely cherish it…_the crown of weathered flowers crumbled slightly between my fingers that petted it. He cherished it, thought it cannot be said that it was taken care of.

Brushing the flowers away, I took the stack of papers and put them within the folds of my clothing to be read on my journey to find him. And with one finally glance around the room, I left as if I’d never been there in the first place, the lamp finding its place once more as I disappeared into the shadows of darkness. The voices of those meeting their fate surrounding me on my journey. I came to a slit stop, a face that held features resembling that of my love laid fallen with her hands clutched tightly together. It seemed as if in hopefulness even with her resigned features.

“_A lady of intelligence_…I thank you for birthing my life and my light. May you find peace on your journey.” Fixing her position, I placed one of the wilted flowers over where she’s been slain, her blood wanting to bring life into something long since gone.

“Kim do not speak to the dead; it interrupts their journey. The flames will go out from all your talking.” Taking in the face once more, she almost seemed to smile though it is clearly only an illusion on my end – I must rest well when this night comes to an end.

Falling back behind the others, I took in their work with contempt, as long as they are satisfied then I shouldn’t fault their methods of achieving such. The doors leading to the culmination of many harsh months, and time spent with no one, had been pulled open. Those in front of me taking down the noblemen who tried to be above their means. They do not know of fight, they only know of drying ink blocks and wet paper – they do not know of what it is to truly survive, so they perished with only their spirit to led them.

“Your highness, I knew you not to be a coward that hides behind gossiping mills. Though they are rather pretty sights to set one’s eyes,” I allowed him to led even though his time is also coming to an end – I thought to wait but the aura of the others spoke of a similar want.

None of that matters in this moment. Not the women that created a barrier nor did the King who sat with defiant eyes, dressed in armor that no longer suit him.

I let them speak harshly to one another, it means nothing to the cause, while I stared at our only ally. Even if her hold didn’t extend to when it was needed most. Her silence having done more damage than not. She sat in all white, a mournful expression on her features as she stared at hands hidden beneath a layer of fabric. I wanted to speak to her, take her away from her end, but her ready collusion is the reason the kingdom has befallen in the first place. Had she sat in silence, then they would all be alive, and we would be wherever life had destined us to be. This is only her fault.

The women moved first – half to shield the Queen and the other half in attack. They had fallen as pathetically as the men of higher status had. The King left without his line of defense caused him to draw a shaky hand with a sword held steady enough.

“Two of you stay, the rest of you scour the grounds for survivors, this need not take long.” I stepped over and two other guards followed, the test filing out of the throne room in listen to their commander.

“I do not know for which you come bearing a grudge, but this is pure tyranny. You have slain countless innocents when we have been here all this time. Do you not say that you are the coward?” _Mama_ spoke her voice deep and with an edge that sounded like she wishes to shed tears.

“Oh, if it isn’t her highness and that mouth of hers, as a lady you should be seen and not heard. We are not in court – your words are not needed.” He spoke down on her and I watched the clench from under her sleeves, and the bob of her throat…

Moving closer, the woman crowded her blocking my view of the one I wished to see better. I almost drew my sword in need to move them, but I held myself back. There is no need for more bloodshed on my hands. They are simply doing their jobs.

The King swung while that fool had busied himself with his ridicule, his head rolling to the feet of a maiden that didn’t know well of what death entailed. She tried to hold back her scream of terror, but it ripped through her and rang in my ears. The King looked surprised at himself, his blade glistening with the work that was once more my own. I could only shrug, my foot kicking over the headless body without solicitude. He had fallen deprived of pain he deserved.

“Do you wish to fall as well?” Taking in the eyes that held more anger at the fact that his younger brother loves me, I could tell that he knew defeat was imminent, this is his last bout of bravado.

Drawing my sword, I held my stance, face still hidden in a shadow of the man that I’ve always been. A monster…a murderer for my country. He will not taste what I couldn’t provide him before – a death no mercy will grant.

_He isn’t a monster…he – Jiwon-ah isn’t like that! He isn’t a monster, please…he isn’t!_

I allowed him the first strike. It was off mark and caused him to trip over a body he hadn’t thought to kick away. I countered his attack, but he blocked well, my _satgat_ tilting slightly to reveal the smirk upon my features.

_Such flattery will not change the fact that you are a brute. _

His blade glided past my shoulder nicking the fabric that covered it. In retaliation, I neatly cut away the armor that doesn’t suit him. Pieces fell around him leaving him as bear as I am. There is no reason for protection when one has already given in to death.

I allowed him one final hit. This time he drew blood, the sharpness of his blade thinly lining the side of my neck. Blood trickled, and even though not heavily, it was his last act of forgiveness on my end. He protected what isn’t his and in turn made me lose what is mine - it’s understandable, I’ll give him that at most.

Attacking him with effort, he could only try to block, his skin being nicked, and clothing torn as I played with him. A gasp took my attention away and the face that I tried to see was staring at me in many emotions. Running my sword through the other, I broke eye contact focusing on the one who had come to his end. His hand held onto my forearm, shuddering breaths and tears spilling from his openings as his blood greeted his loved ones.

“_I am his sun that rises and sets in his sky. I am his garden and he is my flowers. I am the stars and he is the moon – our comforting something you’ll never understand. He is my heart and soul as I am his once in a lifetime._” Twisting the handle, he heavily choked the words I whisper to him seeming like a mirage in this nightmare, “The honor you have stripped me of has never resided in your hands. You die in shame as a King that cannot stand on his own two feet, a coward that has allowed innocence to die in his wait. You are a true monster undeserving of the love that my heart and soul has bestowed upon you. You’ll come in contact with his forgiveness, but I am not as kind as he. You deserve to die without the hand that I hold you up with, your highness.”

Pulling back, he sputtered, choked, and gasped the whole time my sword unsheathed itself from his body. A sickening squelch following it as blood rushed and pooled on the floor, his body dropping to lay in what was once his lifeline.

_This is a winning within its own right, and it shall be celebrated, my prince._

“J-Jiwon-_ah_…” The voice had my head turning to see from which direction it came but the person was not here. He’s far away and with Hyun at this moment. I am clearly being delusion - my longing getting the best of me.

I pointed for the others to take care of the woman that surrounded the fallen Queen. Her eyes holding steady to the brim that covered my own, familiarity registering within both of us. The bob of his neck showing a moment too late. A sword already piercing through his flesh and yanking away in spite. My hands shook violently as he slumped among the pile of death around him.

“I’ll stay and make sure that they do not get up. You two go and tell the others of our victory and fallen commander. Loot what you wish, though do not take away from your duties. Burn those that litter where they shouldn’t.” At my words they left the room without hesitation, a slight giddiness in their steps at the prospect of luxuries they couldn’t afford.

I waited until the door close to rush towards him, my hands pulling his body from the others and towards a clean spot. His still breathed, chest trying to still to not let on to his life. Throwing my _satgat_ back, I rested my face against his own, tears wetting my skin as his breath chilled it.

“M-My d-dear prince, why are you here? Why?!” I held onto him tightly, the feeling of his hand gripping into my clothing forcing me to pull back.

Eyes of betrayal and concern greeted me with fervor. I ignored it in order to look him over, his face made up and painted; his hair pulled back and styled with pieces that weren’t his own. If not for the swell in his neck, I would have allowed for him to be thoroughly pierced – his breath being snatched from him without care. I would have done it myself, if not for the distraction of the fallen. I would have killed him without any concern.

The white of his _hanbok_ took me as red began to spread, soaking the fabric, “You say you do not do well with blood. You are strong, my love,” I held back my tears focusing on applying pressure to the wound.

“I will not ask why you have forsaken me…t-to bring me such darkness will not deter my heart from beating for you.” His voice shook, tears spilling from those eyes that always looked upon me admiration – what did I do? “D-Did you ever love m-me?”

_My other half and my heart…_

“There is no denying such a thing. I love you more than a mother love’s her child. I will forever be yours.” Pulling him closer to me, I pressed my lips wherever I could reach wanting him to know that this will never change anything, “Now, my love, why are you here? Where is Sun-,” He cut me off, head shaking as if afraid that my utterance of her name would end me.

“…please, don’t…”

“She has forced you to take her place and you protect her? You are dying for no reason and you protect her out of what? Friendship?” I became annoyed because my love, my heart, my deity is passing away in my arms under the guise of some mouthy, undeserving, whore.

He held my hands, a calm washing over me as he smiled at me in the way he’s always did, “S-She is blessed with something I’ll never be able to give you, Jiwon-_ah_. She is innocent because she is blessed.”

_Your kindness beseeches you, your highness._

Has he not begged enough? My love, have you not pleaded and saved face for others more than yourself? I need him to save himself, so that I can take him away from all of this. I cannot walk out of here with him in my arms and not have him killed in front of me. A Queen is meant to be by her King’s side, even in death, so if I take him then we will not make it far. We will not survive on my skills and health alone.

“Do not blame her, I decided this and now, my duties are done. They are safe…you are safe, and that is all my heart has ever desired. So, if you are to ever cross paths, then do not hurt them for this was my decision and mine alone. As you said, I am strong.” Taking a deep breath, I applied more pressure ignoring the blood that flowed around my fingers, the pain in his face doing nothing to take away his smile, “D-Did you g-get the letters? Make sure you read them b-because I w-worked hard on them. M-My love is in them, my loyal guard.”

Promises fell from my lips and into his skin that began to chill with the night. This body that once warmed me is slowly become cold, and I cannot do anything to help him.

He took one hand from my own and reached in the folds of his clothing producing two items, the first being a rather sloppily embroidered brush pouch and the second _garakji_. The rings hung from a spun silver thread, their heaviness weighing his hand down causing me to hold it still. His bloodied hand came up and removed the clasp that held the thread together, fingers sliding out a single ring.

I watched him push the ring into my hands that shook without notice, it holds itself out in wait, “Do not love another as you have loved me, my dear husband.” Breathlessly agreeing, I placed the ring on his finger, my smile breaking through for the fact that he’d forever be mine.

Bowing my head, he slipped the necklace around my neck and tucked it within my own clothing, his hands patting over my heart, “My mother made t-this for me, s-so cherish it the same, okay?” I allowed him to place it atop of the letters he has filled with his love, and then he pulled away.

The rise and fall of his chest becoming shallower as time passed. I do not want to leave him – I cannot leave him.

“Breathe, my love, I need you, please,” The damn finally broke, my own tears joining the slowly drying flood that were his own, “do not leave me to face this lifetime, alone. You promised to always bring me joy and never sorrow, and you cannot do that if you are not by my side. Please, do not go.”

“Do not follow me for you are what is left of me…you are…me,” Tasting the softness of his lips, he gave back with no energy, though that did not stop him from stealing another and another, “My brave warrior, my Kim Jiwon…I wish you happiness…” I do not want it – I do not want anything that doesn’t have you in it, my prince.

Pressing his lips to my own for the last time, I felt the sigh that pushed past and washed over me. His hands no longer holding onto me, and his face content as I pulled away to see him. The only thing he held onto being my ring finger that’s empty, though even that didn’t last for a moment longer. Even though he cannot kiss me back, I pressed soft kisses to his lips that were slowly becoming cold – I need him to know that this isn’t the end of us.

_I’ll follow you wherever, whenever, and, however. You are my other half and my heart. You are me and that is all that matters. _

Bringing forth a smaller blade, I clutched it tightly in my palm though before I could bring it to my heart, the heavy footfall alerted me that it isn’t only the two of us. So, heeding his words, I made him comfortable using the pillows and cushions that once made up the throne; and with one final kiss, I made my way into the halls. Others greeting me with silent gestures that meant nothing to me. This life, now, means nothing to me.

And as we made our escape, my face hidden under the shadow of my hat gave only sorrow. My heart clenching as we made it to the horses and rode away. My life left behind in a palace that I once lived, it lies among cushions and portraying the last of what I gave him – death.

If not for the others, we would be joined in the afterlife for eternity, nothing and no one able to tear us apart. Our lives blessed in this ill-fated life that we’ve staked claim and ventured together.

_See you in my dreams?_

“As I shall see you in my thoughts, my love.”


	21. White Daises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You who left...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, we are at the final after a long time. This is short than I wanted it to initial be, but after writing it and seeing that it got across what it needed to...then I don't see any need to restart it for the fourth time. I hope you guys enjoyed the story and I also hope you guys are safe. I don't know when my next story will be as I've been working on stuff (I started trying to write in 3rd Person and I want to try that for my next story story) but I don't know when it'll be ready. 
> 
> Thank you again for reading and I hope to see you soon. BYE! 
> 
> Korean term(s) used in this chapter:  
Hansik - A festival held at the start of the farming season. It is celebrated by eating only cold food and visiting ancestral graves for offering rite, and cleaning and maintenance. (Since the Japanese burned down many Joseon dynasty palaces...we'll act like that happened. Also, they cannot go back anyways, so it is smaller than usual.)

_There are some defeats more triumphant than victories. – Michel de Montaigne (1533-1592)_

Our victory did not last long nor was it celebrated in the way that many before had been. Our hidden figures retreating to homes that vacated quicker than we had expected them to. The Japanese coming and fighting for land and people they wished to claim as their own. With our government slain and no more, the people wanted all men to fight alongside of what’s left of the military that has been left in shambles. The General seeking only revenge in the death of his family that never stood a chance.

Though with this ambush, I fled abandoning the post that has been my own since before I’ve come of age. I tried to avoid as much fighting as possible, only fighting back when I was cornered and with nowhere to go. Time passing without thought and days flying by in the same fashion until I finally got myself to shut it all out. Mind and body wandering all over the country until I became far away enough from the main areas of war.

Villages and towns greeting me with their own worries of a fight that they had no real idea of. I didn’t indulge them, gathering what I needed and moving on. The woods becoming my place of rest and main source of sustenance. It’s also where I become lost in my thoughts, mind swirling with a voice that had begun to distort and fade. A voice that held promises of making me happy and being by my side when no one else would be. I tried my hardest to hold onto it’s initial sound and warmth, but my mind has only left me with many images. Images that bring my joy and sorrow; images that either lull me to sleep or keep me awake. There hasn’t been an in between for as long as I could remember – not is as I remembered.

That’s how the end of summer fell into fall, and fall fell into a harsh winter. War leaving in its wake destruction and second chances. I thought to settle, but my body wouldn’t allow me to do that, so I kept moving. Only stopping when _hansik_ had come. The village I entered into bustled with life – the young and the old moving around in preparation for the festivities of the later afternoon.

I didn’t need much, only _sul_ and flowers to sprinkle in any nearby body of water. Nothing too shabby and nothing too extravagant.

“Guard-_sshi_!” My body froze on its own, the voice making that feeling of guilt bubble and begin its ascent into my throat. A tight swallowing trying to will it away, even though it wasn’t going anywhere in the first place.

A, still, small hand grabbed my own, stopping me from even thinking of running away. I took a deep breath before turning fully to my left, eyes falling down to take in the only one I was truly able to save. His hair was rather neat, pulled back like my own with those darn loose strands flying all over the place. It brought a wetness to my eyes as I could hear the other’s voice in my ears while he smoothed them all away.

“What are doing out here, Hyun-_sshi_?” A blinding smile pushed through and showed me it’s light, a small one wobbling on my own lips as I gave into his light. “Are you alone?”

“No, noona and I came out shopping for _hansik_. She said we had a lot of people to pray to, and since I’m strong, I promised to help her.” Raising my eyebrow at his confidence in his strength, I indulged him by agreeing, my eyes taking the features that mimicked ones I knew well.

Another body soon joined us, labored breathing and a squeal of laughter snapped my head up to see Sunjeong with an infant bundled to her front. A crazy look of worry covering her features before being masked with genuine surprise at my sudden appearance. Though, it couldn’t take my eyes away from the infant – it’s joyful face making me remember words I’d rather forget.

_S-She is blessed with something I’ll never be able to give you, Jiwon-ah. She is innocent because she is blessed. _

She was with child, and it never connected, until in this moment. I fretted for nights on end trying to figure out why he did what he did. Why he swore by her innocence enough to end his own? Why was she blessed? Why couldn’t he give me what she could? I-It makes sense to the point that I can’t help but call him a fool.

“Jiwon-_ah_…” Swallowing my guilt, I gave her a slight head bow and an even smaller smile than the one I gave to Hyun.

“Sunjeong-_ah_, how have you been?” She came closer to us, a basket already filled in one hand that’s clearly cramping from the weight – so, I reached out and took it without saying anything more.

“Thank you,” Her other hand landed atop of Hyun’s head, while the other supported the infant, “and, we’ve been surviving. Are you the same?” Nodding, I knew telling her that death became a constant presence in my life would do nothing for either of us, “Well, we’re celebrating _hansik_, and it would be nice if you could join us.”

On the tip of my tongue were words of declining her offer, but Hyun had made quick work of speaking up, “Oh, please, Hyung! I missed playing with you.”

The gleam in his eye broke down whatever resolve I had left, a silent nod of agreeance causing us to walk the rest of the market. Sunjeong leading the way. I kept my eyes on Hyun, his hand in my own free one as he held the lighter stuff out of the shopping in his other hand. A bounce in his steps the whole way around the market and back to its entrance. The four of us parting away from the main of village and into its deeper parts, passing thickly built up homes already smelling of delicacies that have become few and far.

“We’ve only been out this way for a season." Sunjeong's voice shook my core, slightly, her steps faltering to walk beside us, “The men in the village nice enough to build us up a quaint home as a pregnant woman and young child could do neither. They were kind enough to move it away from the eyes that stared at us with sympathy over a false story of a husband killed in war and needing refugee.”

“Winter must have been harsh. It was rather harsh on many.” I had not much to say if not to leave with reddened cheeks and more guilt than I already carried.

She hummed, muscle memory turning us down a stone lined path and towards the home that had decent space, sitting close to the fields, though not in it, “Yourself included?” Humming in return, I let Hyun’s hand go for him to run about the space he knew better than I, “Your hair has grown out rather nicely, though shorter hair suits you as well.”

“Thank you, Sunjeong-_ah_. You look rather youthful given the two children in your care,” Scoffing, she lightly swatted my arm before entering the home – the warmth from a dying fire flowing out of the door until it closed, “I’ll take Hyun, get wood, and restart the fire.”

As the younger’s already outside, I left the basket on the table and made my way around to the back of the home. The younger already picking up twigs from the small pile left over from winter – those won’t hold through all the cooking that’ll be done. It would also be nice for them to not sleep swaddled in blankets, if the home is kept warm from the dwindling fire through the night. Especially since there is an infant in the home.

“Hyun, want to learn how to chop wood?” The moment the question came up, he left the twigs in his hands in a pile of their own to try and drag over the axe.

Of course, he wouldn’t be able to actual chop any wood until he is a few years older and over fed to accommodate the muscle he’ll put on. Unless, he’ll be like Yunhyeong – lean rather than muscular, but can put it on if he trained hard enough. Though I’m sure that is something that is left to the future rather than the present.

Taking the axe, I held it by a few fingers listening to Hyun’s continued rambles about everything that has been transpiring in the last few days with him. I listened intently as we wandered in search for a woodsman. A few logs for the rest of the evening will suffice if chopped correctly. Once found, I handed over the money without worry knowing that the value of riches isn’t as valuable as it once was, so no matter if I had a lot or not – it would get me the same thing all the same. Not to mention with spring now upon us, there will be more filed work to be handed out, so I’ll be content in my journey.

Allowing Hyun to carry the two of the three logs, we made our way back to the home and around back. My limited speaking allowance making me struggle as I showed him the correct way to do it for future references. He paid close attention even though he couldn’t do much but question me, asking if I’d help him again when he’s old enough to do it on his own. I met his question with silence. A breeze blowing through that had me hurrying to light the fire once more as I’m sure Sunjeong has finished prepping the ingredients.

“Hyung,” Glancing over at him, I had to do a double take for a moment seeing Yunhyeong instead of the child in front of me, “do you miss him?”

“Do I miss who, Prince Hyun?” He smiled at the title, but the truth always weighed heavy – and the truth being that the position is no longer his, even if it rightful is.

“My Hyung.” More than words could describe in any language and temperament – I miss the one who has my heart and soul. “Noona told me that we’re praying to the royal family tonight in order for a good season. She said that they were watching over us and waiting to hear our voices again.” I waited for him to start talking about the stars, but he looked only towards the fire that raged in it’s furnace, “She told me that she didn’t know the reason for why they had to leave us, but they did to protect us, so that I could become strong enough to represent them in the future. She said that we’re all that’s left.”

Staring at this child of six summers that spoke like someone deep in age, I momentarily thought to speak to offer comfort that I know isn’t true comfort. I’ve never given comfort and when I received it, the time was rather limited for me to full understand it. A raised fighter and survivalist. I spent my whole life trying to prove myself – trying to survive along side those who’ve always only seen me as a child. I haven’t had many feelings for a long time except for disgust and disappointment. The one’s recently learned being joy, sorrow, and love. I’m incompetent for such a task as this.

“I-I’m trying to be a big boy for noona, but there’s only so much I can do, Hyung. I miss my mom and my Hyungs. I miss – I want to go home.” At the first tear, I scooped him in my arms and went to sit on the back porch, my hands rubbing over his trembling back.

“This is home.” It came out softer and without the finality that I wished for it to hold which had him slumping further into me. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, my little prince, I’m sorry.”

Out the corner of my eye, I caught Sunjeong’s downtrodden face, a hand covering her mouth as to silence her own sobs. The infant no longer attached to her chest; she used her other hand to clutch at her chest. That feeling of guilt blowing up and boiling over tenfold. She didn’t stay long turning and running back to the food that didn’t have long until it needed to be set upon the table for the rite.

It didn’t take long for the younger to fall asleep against me, cradled in my arms, like the many times I’ve seen him in Yunhyeong’s arms before. The only differences being the setting, clothing, and atmosphere. There’s no laughter or feeling of warmth in any of this…only sadness and tragedy, and it’s all at my own hands. Though there is no saying that if it wasn’t us, then it wouldn’t be someone else, and I-I can’t handle that thought either.

“The rite is ready, Jiwon-_ah_. Oh, you can lay him in the room, I’ll put his food aside for when he wakes.”

Placing Hyun’s body on the bedding, I took in the other small body that was knocked out as well, arms splayed and breathing even. When I came back out, she was already kneeled in front of the table in wait for me, so kneeling beside her I sat back on my calves and stared at the small oil lamp that acted as a candle.

The ceremony went fast and without much thought. The two of us now sitting with food that she actual made for us to eat, and not offer. Silence settled and didn’t wake as our eyes looked everywhere but at one another. Two different feelings holding similar meanings.

“Where you there?” The implication had my chopsticks pushing at my food even more, a stiff nod accompanying it. “D-Did you see them? Him?”

“He took his last breath in my arms…” The memory held – the feeling of his chilling lips against my own warm ones took me back to that night – a gasp she let out bringing me back to the present.

She didn’t say anything, head in her bowl of rice trying to level her breathing. 

“D-Do you have anywhere to stay? I know that this isn’t the palace and I’m not asking you to serve us, b-but I can’t keep doing this. I don’t – I wasn’t raised like how servants are. I can barely cook and clean. I was raised to be a ruler to help my people and my country. I was taught how to be a wife, not a housewife.” She was breaking down such a change in lifestyle being something that has never been needed for her – if only those men could see the girl that was once their princess.

Begging for help when she was always a headstrong figure. Her smarts extending beyond her father’s wisdom and his father’s wisdom. She knew how to use a sword – a bow and arrow – though it was never needed of her. Her mouth ran before she could think most times, which caused her to readily accept the treaty that was offered to us. Our efforts being wasted, and readied resources overflowed to the point that it was only a waste of space and coin.

Her father, who was once a feared King, now laid to rest upon a lifeless battlefield, let his only daughter go to “strengthen” ties. Though not before sending his own soldiers to the palace grander and with more power than his own. A plan of destruction being sent with us as if the heavier crown would become his once, they were out of the way. Once his own traitor of a daughter was out of the way – her title of Queen unbefitting of her and her roguish ways.

Now, he lays dead and she is begging the man who, unknowingly to her, killed her husband in cold blood. His child resting in a plain room along side the only person physically and mentally able to take the crown if need be. His existence meaning nothing without being royally accepted for the crown. And here I sit with guilt heavy in my bones as they all cry for a life they will no longer have. They want to go home but they cannot. I want Yunhyeong but I cannot have him either.

A soft hand had me looking at the streaked face of Hyun, tears still streaming as he screamed begs of me staying. Of helping them go home when the time comes. Tears fell down my own face for the sole fact that I stole everything from him – them. I brought this sorrow not only upon myself but upon them as well.

Wrapping him in my arms once more, I held on not wanting him to slip from me – I cannot allow him to leave me as well, “I-I’ll stay. I’ll take you home, my little prince. I’ll bring you home.”

The

The _garakji_ dug heavily between our chests. A constant reminder that our home has left us to be among the stars, offering comfort to the moon that is no longer lonely.

Because as he left in sadness, I still whisper words of love into the sky that he resides. _My dear beautiful prince_.

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't want to overload the beginning notes with stuff, so I'm just going to finish saying what I need to say. 
> 
> I'm using the largest palace that housed the main royal family during this time period which is known as Geongbokgung. It's located in Hanseong (now known as Seoul) which is in Gyeonggi-do. So, the region southern to that is Chungcheong-do and the Queen is from Gongju. 
> 
> This is also set during the late 19th Century. It's somewhat based off of the late Empress Myeongseong life - not really but towards the end of the story it'll come together and make way more sense. I'm just trying to not give away too much information and ruin the story before it can even get really good. So, the story's year is basically 1895, somewhat.
> 
> Oh and before anyone asks, the late King Gojong had 13 children and many of them are unnamed. Five come from Empress Myeongseong and the rest are from concubines, but that really has no real relation to the story as the characters besides Yunbob are all made up.
> 
> Last fact -Older Korean poetry is referred to as Sijo. U'Tak (1262-1342) is the author of the oldest surviving Sijo, which is why his poem is being used in the story. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed, leave a comment, and we'll talk next Thursday!


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